31. Olivia
OLIVIA
Ethan sits cross-legged on the picnic blanket with a burger in both hands, ketchup dripping down his wrists, telling Caleb about a kid at camp who got his head stuck in a fence. I can see Caleb is trying to listen, but he keeps smirking at me when Ethan isn't looking.
"And they had to use this big tool that goes like this—" Ethan squeezes an invisible pair of jaws with his hands, dropping the burger onto the blanket.
Ketchup smears all over it, probably staining, but he's a kid. He couldn’t care less.
"The kid was crying and his mom was crying and the firefighter said it happens all the time. "
"I'm sure it doesn't happen all the time," Caleb says matter-of-factly, and I'd have to side with him. If it happened all the time, they'd make safety standards and change those fence railings. But I chuckle at how insistent my boy is.
"The firefighter said it does." Ethan's eyes are so wide, his posture so stiff, I'd say he looks like his father, but I don't want to ruin the mood. Derek has nothing to do with this moment, and I want to keep him out of it.
"The firefighter was being nice, bud." Caleb chuckles and grabs a fry, popping it into his mouth. This afternoon is so perfect, right down to my kid being himself, totally and fully.
"Have you ever gotten your head stuck in a fence?" Ethan asks, picking up his burger and taking another massive bite.
"No."
"Have you ever gotten stuck in anything?"
"I got stuck in a conversation once that I couldn't get out of," Caleb says, looking at me sideways, and I swat his arm.
It makes me laugh so hard, I rock sideways and have to stop myself before I pee.
That grumpy streak still lives inside him, but he's using humor to diffuse it so he doesn't offend a little boy who wants to have his undivided attention.
"He's talking about me," I tell Ethan, who grins through a mouthful of burger. I don't want Ethan to ever think Caleb doesn't like him, but as a mom I totally get it. The kid talks a lot.
"Mom never shuts up," Ethan agrees, nodding seriously, and he's just too young to see the irony in that statement. But I feign being the victim and grin at them.
"Thank you both for that." I roll my eyes as I pull a juice box out of the cooler and hand it to Ethan.
As I watch him unwrap the straw and jam it into the pouch, I feel bittersweetness settle over me.
Not too long ago, he needed my help with that, and now he's growing up.
He's doing so many things on his own now that he doesn’t need my help for, and one day, he'll be off to college and gone.
What will I do then?
The park fills up around us as families settle in for the parade.
Blankets and lawn chairs spread across the grass, and kids run between the trees chasing each other.
Ethan finishes his burger and starts on his fries, eating them two at a time so he can finish and get closer to the curb to chase candy throwers in the street when the thing starts.
"Caleb, are you coming to my soccer game next week?" Ethan asks.
"When is it?" Caleb takes his own juice box out of the cooler, and I roll my eyes at how odd it looks for a full-grown, barrel-chested man with tattoos down his arms to drink juice from a juice box. He wags his eyebrows at me, and I snicker under my breath as I take a bite of my chicken sandwich.
"Thursday after camp. You can sit with Mom. She always sits by herself and cheers too loud."
"I don't cheer too loud," I say with my mouth half full. "And you like it."
"You cheer so loud, Mom. The other parents stare at you." Ethan acts like he's embarrassed, but if I weren't there, he'd miss me.
"Good. They should cheer louder." I steal one of his fries, and he gasps and guards the rest with both arms.
"Caleb, tell her to stop stealing my fries."
"Your mother can steal whatever she wants," Caleb says, and I grin at him and take another one.
Ethan throws his hands up and looks at Caleb with betrayal on his face. "You're supposed to be on my side." This whole moment feels so amazing, I'm not sure how to process it.
Three months ago, I thought my life was coming to an end. Now I feel like this is the new beginning I always needed but never had. I was miserable and alone for three years, and now I have someone I trust. Someone I know I love.
"I'm on the side of whoever feeds me," Caleb says, and I hand him a fry and he eats it without breaking eye contact with Ethan, who shakes his head at both of us.
Ethan gives up protecting his fries and lies back on the blanket, staring up through the tree branches. "Caleb?"
"Yeah."
"Are you going to keep living next door?
" The question hits us out of nowhere. Caleb and I exchange a glance, not sure where this is going.
Ethan has seen us together so much, it's obvious to everyone that we're dating.
To an eight-year-old, I'm not sure how that makes him feel. I don’t want him to think we're replacing his father, but he has to see how badly Derek treated me.
"That's the plan."
"Good." Ethan rolls onto his stomach and props his chin on his fists. "I like having you next door. You're better at fixing stuff than Mom and you push way higher on the swings."
"Those are my two best qualities," Caleb says, nodding very seriously. "Plus, I'm great at cooking on the grill. Don't forget that."
"And you're funny even though you don't try to be funny." Ethan chuckles. "And you make Mom smile different."
"Differently," I correct, but it makes my heart swell. I feel tears pricking my eyes that my own son recognizes how Caleb makes me feel happy. I look at Ethan and feel my throat tighten. "Smile differently how?"
"I don't know. Just different. Bigger, maybe." He shrugs and goes back to his fries. "I want you to be around more, Caleb. Not just next door. Like… come over every day."
I see Caleb's eyes are a bit misty too. For a man who spent years being shipped here and there, never having the ability to put down roots, something like that probably makes his heart feel so full.
"I want to be around more too, kid," he says quietly. "A lot more."
Ethan nods, satisfied with that answer, and jumps up and runs toward the trashcan with his empty paper bag. I watch him go and then turn to Caleb, who sits looking at his hands.
"You really mean that?" I ask, scooting closer to him.
"I mean it, Olivia. I don't want you to date another person ever again. I want to be it for you, because you're it for me." He laces his fingers through mine and pauses, staring at where we're joined.
"What are you saying?" I say cautiously. I'm not sure I'm quite ready for a huge step, but when he opens his mouth to speak, my heart instantly agrees with him.
"Oh, I think maybe we just commit to being exclusive for a while, see where it takes us." His eyes sweep up and meet mine, and I melt.
"So, we're going steady?" I chuckle, mocking how old he sounds by saying exclusive.
"Something like that…" He grins and leans forward, pecking me on the lips before leaning back.
"Under one condition," I tell him, cocking my head.
"What's that?" he asks.
"Keep smiling like that at me every day."
If smiles could light up the world, Caleb's just lit up mine. I'm in love, and I never want to feel as alone and broken as I have for the past several years. This man makes my heart sing, and I want to keep it that way forever.