15. Sterling’s Letter
STERLING’S LETTER
Dear Eden,
I never would have imagined being away from anyone would feel like this. I’ve always been the loner in my family, okay with my solitude and seeing people I care about twice a year or even less.
Things are so much different now that you’ve entered my life.
I miss you. I miss you more than I know how to describe.
I should have told you this before I left. I’ve been meaning to ask you if we can get rid of the fake word when we talk about our marriage.
It’s really not so fake to me anymore. When I talk about you, I tell people you’re my wife, and I mean it.
I should have said it before I left. I know that. I guess I didn’t quite realize that I meant it until I was gone and you became all I could think about. You and little man.
I hate that I’ve had to miss all your doctor’s appointments. Are you having to go alone, or is Dolly going with you?
I keep thinking about what you sound like when you come. That’s filthy talk, I know. You’re blushing right now, reading this.
The soft whimpers you make keep me up at night in my cold, hard cot.
When I eat the military-issued meals, I close my eyes and pretend it’s your fresh-baked sourdough discard biscuits.
You and Dolly are probably having the best time cooking together. It helps me relax a little bit to know you’re living in the bunkhouse at the ranch, sleeping in my old bed. There’s no safer place on earth than Redford Ranch.
You probably look so cute right now with that baby belly growing bigger and bigger. I hope your sickness is completely gone and that you’re sleeping okay.
Are you sleeping? Are your hormones keeping you up?
I know that box of toys I left for you probably made you clutch your pearls, but I want you to try them out while I’m gone so my baby isn’t frustrated every night. When I get home, you can show me which ones you like best.
Fuck, now I’m hard, writing this, thinking about you thinking about me and playing with yourself.
Okay, I’m out of time. I’ll be home for the birth, I promise. I’ll miss you every minute until then, Sunshine.
—Sterling