Chapter 23
The evening progressed at a sluggish pace.
Every time Sylvie glanced at her mother, the other woman was scrutinizing her, almost as if she thought Sylvie would try to run away.
But it was a ball like any other. Ladies in their finest gowns gossiping about each other, gentlemen trying not to look as uncomfortable and bored as they felt, and young women fighting through overdone politeness to make the best impression on the most eligible man they could.
It was a scene Sylvie had endured with annoyance many times, but without Miles, she simply didn’t have the will to try to act the part she used to.
By the time two hours had passed, Sylvie’s feet ached in her slippers, which were pretty rather than practical.
The pins holding her intricate hairstyle in place poked her head, causing a throbbing headache.
And the delicate finger food at the refreshment table wasn’t doing anything to make up for the midday meal she missed while practicing with her bow.
So when Lucy appeared between dancing couples and hurried toward Sylvie and her mother, Sylvie prepared herself for the evening to get even worse.
Instead of making polite conversation with them, Lucy tugged Mother’s arm and leaned in close to whisper in her ear.
The two went back and forth in intense but hushed tones for a moment, the music and voices making it impossible for Sylvie to make out what they were saying.
Finally, Lucy straightened, cast Sylvie a smug glance, and sashayed away, disappearing back into the crowd.
Mother’s forehead creased. Was she conflicted about whatever Lucy had said?
She almost seemed…unsure. But that was so unlike her.
She turned to Sylvie as if to speak, only to snap her lips shut again.
Then, without a word, she rushed in the opposite direction from where Lucy had gone.
Sylvie stood alone, staring at the activity of the ball going on around her without seeing it.
When Matilda approached with her fiancé at her heels and snapped her fingers in front of Sylvie’s face, it finally broke the haze of confusion. “What on earth has you so perplexed, Sylvie?”
Turning to her friend, she could only shrug. “Lucy came over and whispered something to my mother, then they both just left. I have a terrible feeling something unusual is going on. And if Lucy is involved, I’m not going to like it.”
Before Matilda could suggest any possible answers, Mother returned with Jonathan at her heels. His chest rose and fell with rapid, shallow breaths, which made Sylvie’s scalp prickle. “What’s wrong, Jonathan? Mother? Someone explain what’s happening right this instant.”
With hardly a glance in Sylvie’s direction, Mother clinked a fork against the glass in her hand, drawing the attention of everyone in the room. Too many eyes turned to stare at them, all that curious attention almost enough to send Sylvie running from the room.
Mother pushed up on her tiptoes to allow as many people as possible to see her. “Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I hope you’ll bear with me for a moment, as there’s about to be some joyous news for my family. Mr. Kinsey?”
Sylvie’s mother stepped aside with the most frighteningly satisfied grin.
Two bright red splotches marred Jonathan’s cheeks and made Sylvie wonder if he might lose the contents of his stomach all over her.
Instead, he reached for her hands, which Sylvie placed in his sweaty ones to avoid making a bigger scene.
“Ah, Miss…well, that is, Sylvie. Um, I need to ask you something. This isn’t quite how I planned, but… ”
He trailed off for a moment, long enough for Sylvie to realize what was happening. He was going to propose to her. In front of all these people.
In Sylvie’s line of sight over Jonathan’s shoulder, Matilda’s fiancé slid his arm around her waist. Her friend glanced away from the unfolding drama to stare up at her intended, and the sheer joy on her face struck Sylvie.
That was what she’d longed for, what she’d been fighting for all summer.
While she’d given Jonathan a chance to court her, the truth was, she wanted to fall in love.
And that hadn’t happened with him because she was already in love with Miles.
Settling for anything less seemed wrong.
She couldn’t believe any longer that God would expect her to settle for a man who was good enough, simply because he was there and those around her approved of him.
The Bible said God planned to give her a hope and a future, not to make her settle for a good enough life.
Her job was to follow Him regardless of everyone’s expectations and He would guide her path.
There had to be a reason the idea of marrying Jonathan made her want to flee.
God, please give me the courage to stop this.
Jonathan drew a deep breath and squared his shoulders, visibly pulling himself together. He cleared his throat. “Over the course of these last weeks, I’ve come to care for you—”
“No, please.”
Sylvie didn’t recognize her own voice in the choked words. She shook her head and pulled her hands away from his. “I’m so very sorry, but I can’t let you continue.”
Murmurs flew around them, speculation from all those people who didn’t care about Sylvie or Jonathan. They were only interested because of the spectacle. Their gazes were strangling Sylvie, suffocating her with the weight of their judgment.
A desperate glance toward her mother revealed worry clouding the other woman’s face.
But Mother had set all this up with no regard for Sylvie’s desires, so Sylvie refused to look to her for support now.
Behind Jonathan, Matilda stepped forward, but even her comforting presence wouldn’t fix the drama Mother and Lucy had created.
Without further deliberation, Sylvie gave in to the earlier urge to escape and fled the room, ignoring the whispers, the giggles, the stares.
She lifted her skirt and ran down the stairs, barging through the parlor, where she knew from previous visits a set of doors opened into the garden behind the house.
She didn’t stop until she reached the middle of the flower-lined walkways, where she found a fountain under a wide maple tree and plopped down on the edge, her emotions too overwhelming to even allow tears.
Above her, the tree rustled on a warm breeze, leaves still full and green. But the scent of drying flowers emanated from the garden beds around the fountain, reminding Sylvie that the beautiful summer had passed. And her freedom with it, it seemed.
A logical corner of her mind screamed that running away from Jonathan had been a mistake.
He was a good choice, the best solution to the problem of her future.
He would support her well while caring for her with kindness.
If not for Matilda and her beloved standing there, reminding Sylvie of what she wanted so badly, she might have remained in the ballroom and listened to what he had to say.
But that glimpse of real, deep, true love had been enough to break the fog Sylvie had been living in since Miles left.
Now, he was all she could think about. His charming smile, his warm eyes when he gazed at her, his touch, his words that always lifted her higher than she imagined she was capable of. In the end, it came down to the fact that she didn’t want to marry Jonathan. She wanted Miles.
And he was gone.
Gravel scrunching under rapid footsteps alerted Sylvie to someone approaching. She held her breath, praying it wasn’t Jonathan. She’d humiliated him tonight and wasn’t quite ready for the amount of apologizing she’d need to do yet.
But instead, it was her mother who came into view, a dark silhouette outlined by the glow from the house behind her. Was that worse than Jonathan or better? Either way, it seemed she must already face the consequences of her actions.
Mother headed straight toward Sylvie, the light emanating from the many windows in the back of the house illuminating the gardens enough to help her navigate, while deep shadows waited beyond the path. “Sylvia, there are no words to say how horrified I am by the scene that took place in there.”
Defeat settled on Sylvie, slumping her shoulders. “I know, Mother. I’m sorry, truly. I shouldn’t have reacted that way to Jonathan’s proposal, but I couldn’t say yes. I know I must have embarrassed him terribly, but I couldn’t allow him to continue.”
“Couldn’t you have? It would have made everything much easier.
” The resignation on her face was shocking compared to the anger Sylvie had expected.
“That was your one option, Sylvia. After this debacle, I fear no man will risk taking an interest in you again. I worked so hard to make this happen for you.”
The words struck a chord in Sylvie’s heart, breaking open the well of pain she’d attempted to brick off since Miles left.
“I didn’t ask you to make anything happen for me.
I could have made this choice on my own, but you’ve never believed I was capable of it.
You’ve said that choosing Jonathan would bring me security and comfort.
But what if I want more than that? What if I wanted love? What if I found love and lost it?”
Sylvie hadn’t intended for the words to erupt from her lips, but they had.
Her mother stepped back as if struck. “You mean the marquess? We discussed this. His past makes him unacceptable. As soon as I learned of it, I had to ensure you wouldn’t be blinded by your feelings for him. Mr. Kinsey is the better choice.”
Blinking at her mother as those words sank in, a sour taste rose in Sylvie’s mouth. “What did you do, Mother?”
Mother’s gaze shifted away from Sylvie, and she tilted her head with a slight shrug. “Only what was best for you.”