CHAPTER THREE
JAKE
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There are three reasons why I let Caylee walk away from me the night of the wedding and didn’t pursue her.
One: the room was filled with SEALs, Marines, Delta Force, captains and... her brother. At six-foot-five and two hundred and sixty pounds, I hold my own around the forces, but I’m also smart enough to know when to bide my time.
Two: these men are my new colleagues. Most of them have accepted me with open arms, but upsetting Cole’s sister is a surefire way to reverse that quick-smart.
Three: Caylee.
She’s right, I did have months to connect with her again and explain to her what is going on in my life and who the phone calls were from, and I didn’t.
I can’t.
It’s not possible. This burden is mine to carry with me in this life and a shame so deep that I could never share it with a romantic partner.
Not to mention our family is very private about our business.
She thought my mother was another woman, and I understand that. It’s not a stretch, so I don’t blame Caylee for jumping to that conclusion.
She’s not the first woman to do so.
She is, however, the first one that I regret letting go.
No relationship I have can progress further, so I hold myself back. Eventually the calls, and me having to leave, pisses them off, and it’s easier to just meet someone else.
With Caylee, there was something more.
The way our bodies moved together, the way her dark lashes flickered on her soft skin as she began falling asleep. How her fingers would press into me, feeling for me while I lay beside her, waiting for the phone to buzz.
I wanted to stay.
I wanted to grab her hand, kiss it and tell her I was here, and she could rely on me.
But she couldn’t.
She still can’t.
Which is a problem. I’m thirty-one and not getting any younger. I want a wife. I want a family.
I want to change history and not have to deal with the responsibilities I have. The shame I have.
The family I have.
Fuck.
Even thinking those thoughts makes me feel like an asshole.
You have questions, I get it. Surely I could tell her it was my mother on the phone—I’m clearly not having an affair with my mother (this is not that kind of story) so why didn’t I if I like this woman so much?
Well, because she’d want to know why Mom called so much.
Why I had to leave a few times a night. At nine, twelve at night or three in the morning.
Valid questions.
Questions I cannot and will not answer.
I’m never not going to take her calls unless
I’m on a job and it’s physically impossible or dangerous for me to do so.
Does that mean I’m walking away from Caylee now and planning to watch from the sidelines as she meets another man?
I resist the urge to let out a loud bark of a laugh.
No.
No fucking way.
I want her...I want more of her...and I know she does too. I saw underneath the surface how her body reacted. How she craved what I do.
We are not done.
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PENNY’S SMILE GREETS me as I step through the door. “Welcome to Black Hawke Security. Officially.”
“Thank you, Penny.” I walk up to the reception desk and glance around.
A couple of guys are walking down the hall with gym bags, and another is tapping on a tablet, almost walking into them. He does a little jump and sidesteps them with ease. I recognize him as a member of the tech team who helped find Chen a few weeks ago.
“Bro.” Ryder steps out of a doorway and grips my hand, slapping me on the back. “Welcome to the team.”
“Good to be here.” I release his hand and nod at Aidan and Josh, who follow him out.
“Where did you disappear to on Saturday night?” Aidan asks, sliding a hand into the pocket of his black bomber jacket. “One minute you were going all Tom Cruise on us, the next you vanished.”
For clarity, he means Cocktail Tom, not Mission Impossible.
I’d been trying to teach the bartender to make some decent drinks. I can’t stand champagne and was over the beer. The idiot let me loose with the top shelf and a shaker bottle. Next minute, I had a crowd cheering me on and was doing some smooth moves.
My gaze sought out Caylee, hoping I could get a smile out of her, but her back was to me most of the night. Except for a few smoldering glances that I caught.
Cole, on the other hand, was drilling holes into my chest with his angry eyes.
Speak of the devil. He walks through the front door and takes us all in. “First day?”
I nod.
“Welcome.” His tone is far less friendly than the others, his nod sharp. “Marsh on his honeymoon?”
“Until next week,” Josh replies and tosses a document onto Penny’s desk. “Let’s go through to my office, Jake. I want to brief you on your first assignment.”
“I’ll bake muffins for the meeting tomorrow.” Penny smiles, obviously thrilled with the compliment I gave her a few weeks ago.
“Give it a rest, Pen.” Cole shakes his head and wanders off.
“What did I say?” Her face falls.
Shit.
Aidan and Josh share a look.
“I’ll deal with it.” Josh starts to walk off, but I stop him with a hand on his arm. He reacts as a SEAL might, snapping his head around.
Fuck me.
“Leave it with me. I dated his sister, and after the situation with Scarlett and the North Koreans, we haven’t had a good start.”
Josh’s brow starts to rise as he glares at my hand.
Shit. Right. Do not touch the SEAL.
I drop my arm and shove my bag up onto my shoulder further.
“Don’t let it interfere with work,” he says roughly.
“It won’t.”
It might.
I fully intend to see Caylee again, but how the fuck do I give her an explanation when...I can’t.
It doesn’t matter. I can’t stay away much longer. When I saw her on Saturday night and took in her beautiful long dark curls, sparkling blue eyes and lithe body, desire roared through me.
Caylee Zimbardo belongs in my arms.
On my arm.
It was the first time I’d seen her in a public place since the night we met. The rest of our relationship was spent at her place, where I briskly ripped off whatever clothes she was wearing and fucked her.
Christ, I miss her tight pussy.
I miss her moans.
I miss her warm body tucked against mine, the scent of her vanilla body wash blending with those of our passionate sex.
So yeah, it might interfere, but I’ll manage it.