21. Isla #3
When she stopped laughing, Ilona repositioned herself so she could lean back on her hands to support herself.
“No. I don’t think a chaplain would last long around the captain.
He can argue religion with the best theocrats in several kingdoms and do it so well that they often walk away, doubting the beliefs they hold so dear.
He’s a remarkable man, and I think I would have asked to join his crew even if I hadn’t fallen in love with his spirited, compassionate, and, in many ways, innocent purser. ”
The love shone so brightly in Ilona’s face, eyes, and the soft smile that crossed her lips at the mere thought of her wife that Isla felt a pang of—there it was again—envy for all that she herself lacked. “You’re fortunate to have found someone you care for so deeply.”
“Have you ever been in love?”
“Me? No.”
“No men have caught your eye or pursued your hand in marriage? I find that hard to believe.”
“Oh, there’s no dearth of men willing to court me, although I have to say the numbers have dwindled since I first inherited my land and title ten years ago.”
“None interested you?”
The heat rose in Isla’s cheeks with such force that she knew her blush must be spectacular.
She quickly looked away, hoping it wasn’t as noticeable as it felt.
Ilona was silent, and when Isla glanced up, she found kind understanding in the swordswoman’s eyes.
With a directness that shocked Isla, Ilona quietly asked, “You prefer women to men?”
Her first inclination was to blaze with anger and deny the truth.
How dare she ask such a profoundly personal question?
But then, if anyone would understand, it would be this woman who was unashamedly married to another woman, something society would never allow in her kingdom.
Then, another thought occurred to her. “You and Babette are legally married?”
“Nice redirection, and yes, a holy person blessed us as wife and wife. Well, blessed mostly by the Basque people in the Pyrenees. It was a Basque sorina who performed the ceremony.” At Isla’s questioning look, she amended, “Sorina translates to witch. We didn’t want any element of Christianity to taint our union since they’re so opposed to two women marrying, so the captain took us to southern Spain and introduced us to a friend, a sorina, who officiated our wedding. ”
“How did you know?”
“That I was in love with Babette?”
“That you loved women.”
“Ah.” Ilona studied Isla. “I’ve always known. And you?”
This woman seemed determined to talk about a subject that Isla had only seriously spoken of with Celie and, even then, only peripherally.
“I…don’t. Know, that is. I mean, I know women…
interest me in ways men don’t. And when men court me, I dislike the thought of being with one…
well, of being married to one. Except….” Her confusion only intensified when she thought of the captain, how more and more she wanted to be with him or simply watch him while he moved about the ship, giving orders or encouragement as the situation warranted.
Ilona’s voice grew soft. “There are women who can be attracted to both. If, for example, the right man was to come along. Someone strong and kind. Intelligent, honest, reliable.”
Why did Jonto’s kind eyes come to mind? With a scoff, Isla waved off the words, “As if someone like that exists or is still available. Most people say that at my age, I should be grateful if any man would have me, let alone your knight in shining armor.”
Ilona watched her in silence for a long moment. “He might be closer than you think.”
That startled Isla until she realized they’d been at sea for several days.
Had Ilona and others been watching her interactions with their captain?
Of course, they would. They’d sailed together within the close confines of the ship for years and protectively watched over the captain they idolized and followed without question.
The deckhands, the sailors high up in the rigging, and even those in the crow’s nest would have a perfect view of the happenings on the ship’s deck.
Recognizing the discomfited expression for what it was, Ilona took pity and placed a hand on the quilt covering Isla’s lower leg.
“But, back to preferring to have a woman nestled in your embrace. I believe that in your kingdom, it’s illegal for a woman to marry a woman.
That being said, I’m more than certain that even in your close-minded society, some sapphists meet in private, fall in love, or secretly make love to one another behind closed doors.
Most, in fact, are married to men.” She smiled at the blush that had once again risen in Isla’s cheeks. “Have you ever…?”
“No!” Isla looked anywhere but at the person asking such uncomfortable questions.
“I think this conversation has gone far enough.” With her heart beating rapidly, too rapidly for Ilona not to notice the pulsing in her throat, Isla changed the subject.
“How much longer do you think the storm will continue?”
Ilona slipped from the bed, popped the grommet off the hook, and then rose and walked to the windows.
“That type of storm comes in quickly, but that means it leaves just as fast.” She unlatched the shutters and lowered them, revealing a softer rain and a much calmer sea.
“I think you’ll enjoy tomorrow. I understand the captain is taking you and your friends to Leibow Island. It’s beautiful there.”
Grateful that Ilona went along with Isla’s request to talk about anything other than her yearnings and sexual naivete, Isla took several slow breaths before slipping out of bed and going to stand next to her. “Why did they build these windows so the top slants inward?”
“The design protects the glass from the waves hitting it during hurricane-strength winds.” She swept her arm toward the vista beyond the window.
“There, see? Only a drizzle. I’m willing to bet that once the captain inspects the ship and changes into dry clothes, you’ll be eating your evening meal. That is, if the nausea has passed?”
Isla realized she’d forgotten all about being seasick. She rested a hand on her hip and faced her new friend. “You distracted me on purpose.”
Ilona raised innocent brows. “Did I?” She sobered and placed a gentle hand on Isla’s shoulder.
“I’m always happy to talk about anything you’d like to discuss.
The captain scheduled this trip as a three-week sail, and as you know…
” she held both hands wide, “I’ll be around.
Now, would you like me to get you another dress? ”
Without thinking, Isla automatically opened her mouth to say ‘yes,’ but when she looked at this woman who was so comfortable being who and what she was, she changed her mind. “No. Babette brought some extra pairs of breeches for each of us, so, I’d prefer the breeches, please.”
“Bravo!”
“And I’m perfectly capable of dressing myself when I don’t need someone to lace my stays or fasten the buttons, hooks, or laces running up the middle of my back, an inconvenience some man decided would be a good idea for undergarments and a gown.”
A knock sounded at the door, and Isla hurried into the closet to change.
She heard Jonto asking about her but couldn’t hear Ilona’s response.
The outer door clicked shut again, and after pulling on a pair of stockings, she covered them with the breeches Babette had supplied.
The hated corset hung on a hook to the side of the dresser, but when she reached for it, she made the second surprising decision of the day. “Ilona.”
Without opening the closet door, Ilona said, “My Lady?”
“Do you wear a corset or stays?”
“God, no.”
“So you?—”
“Much of the time, the women sailors simply bind our breasts with wide strips of cloth. But there are also times we want to look shapelier than our mizzen mast, and when we do, we wear a bodice that’s sturdier than most. I noticed that while yours are fashionable, they rely on the stays to give you the support you need.
Would you like me to bring you the type we use?
I have an extra in my room. Babette and I and the other women on board prefer them.
She buys ones with structured seams that are sturdier than most. They do an excellent job of holding us in, without those blasted sticks poking us every time we move, if you know what I mean. ”
“Yes, please, if you think—” She stopped herself from saying ‘if you think it would be appropriate’ and simply repeated, “Yes.”
“Give me a minute to pull on my boots, and then I’ll be right back.”
While Isla waited, she wondered what Jonto would think of her without a corset, and that made her wonder why she cared what the captain thought.
It wasn’t as though his opinion mattered, after all.
That thought had her glancing down at her small breasts, wishing for the hundredth time that they were larger than they were.
Hadn’t the girls at school teased her about not having the curvaceous body that would attract a man?
Her breasts hadn’t developed until her final year of finishing school, and even then, the others taunted her about having little oranges compared to their fuller melons.
Ilona knocked on the closet door. “May I come in, My Lady? This type of bodice can be difficult to put on by yourself. Babette and I help one another lace up if we’re available and have the time; if not, we muddle through on our own. But I’m more than happy to help you.”
It was usually Lily who dressed her, and Isla couldn’t help wishing she was here now. Ilona had already seen her naked, though, so she glanced down at her small chest and sighed. “Yes, please. I’d appreciate that.”