19
Rae
November 16th, 20
The drive was quick. Or I suppose I just didn’t remember it. I was too lost in thought, thinking about Jack, about my mom, about the Initiation Program, about Viv. About everything Zo had told me.
I had to ask Viv questions. As if I were some undercover agent trying to out the mole or something.
I had never played a role like that before, but what was so different about it? I asked questions to the elite, pretended I was someone I wasn’t, I could do the same to Viv, make it sound casual. I just wasn’t sure what I should ask. I wished they would have given me a list.
But I suppose this was some sort of test or punishment. He knew I would have left no matter what. That alone would have been subject to a punishment of some kind, yet he was giving me a job.
To interrogate my best friend.
Where were Jack and Zo right now anyway? What was their new assignment? Who were they going to kill while I was off trying to solve my own case?
What would they do with Captain Bard’s body? How would they explain it away to the precinct?
Why wasn’t I more concerned about the fact that they were going to kill a police captain?
My mind was too exhausted to care, I decided.
Or I definitely needed to just go to therapy.
It reminded me of some sort of secret society, their program. It was more than just the mafia or an organization, there were hundreds of them in the program alone, let alone those who didn’t go into the program. There must have been thousands of them across the world, right? All led by one man and his four sadistic sons.
A society hidden in the shadows, going around doing…crime? Or murdering people? I suppose the mafia murdered people too. Would that make them serial killers? Was I fucking a serial killer?
My lips parted in shock. Was I fucking a serial killer? What the fuck?
I shook my head, trying to calm myself. No, don’t do that. Just relax, it was fine, everything was fine, right?
But…he wouldn’t murder me. Not unless I blabbed about them. Would I blab about them?
No. Who would I even blab to?
I rolled my eyes and settled into my seat. This was ridiculous. I had made my choice, now I had to deal with it. And was it really so bad? It wasn’t like I wanted to give Jack up, so truly what did that say about me?
A few minutes later Mr. Blakely announced that we were almost there.
I needed to focus on what I was going to ask Viv. That’s all that mattered now. Something to prove that my memories of her were real. That something was real. That she wasn’t who Malachi and Jack thought she was.
“When would you like me to come around?” he asked when we finally pulled up in front of Viv’s little one-story house.
“You can just go home, Mr. Blakely, I’ve already got a ride back.”
His eyes found mine in the rearview mirror. “Are you sure, Ms. Bennett?”
I nodded. “Absolutely.”
I slid out of the car and waved goodbye to him before tightening my high ponytail and adjusting my navy-blue cotton dress that hugged every bit of me. I paired it with sheer black tights, black booties, and my own leather jacket, honestly wishing it was Jack’s.
As High School as that was, I liked the idea of wearing his jacket. Just the thought gave me butterflies.
I forced the smile away and straightened. I could do this. I just had to ask questions that weren’t too suspicious. Easy.
I inhaled deeply and headed for her door.
I actually liked her house. It was small and cozy. Everything you would need in a good home. It was about the same size as my suite with the added feature of no wall-to-wall neighbors, no elevator, a beautiful little yard. Homey.
I walked right through the front door. “Viv, just got here!”
“Finishing up, one sec!” she called back.
I nodded, running my fingers along the back of her couch, taking in a room I had been in hundreds of times before.
Little plants decorated the bookshelves, she loved reading about herbology, fantasy, love stories. She had beaded curtains along her windows, a flat screen. Nothing out of the ordinary. Nothing that screamed ‘I’m not who I say I am’. Although, what would scream that?
I walked up to the pictures she had of us, of her family, studying them carefully. How could Malachi say Viv wasn’t who she said she was if I could remember everything about her? I remembered hanging out with her during lunch at school, going to parties on every birthday after our 17th, sneaking out of the house and drinking in an alley because we could. I remembered so much, a life of memories. She had to be real. This wasn’t some spy movie. She wasn’t born and raised as a spy, sent to infiltrate my life. Stuff like that didn’t exist.
It couldn’t.
She was the only friend I had ever had; she couldn’t be bad. She couldn’t be behind this. I was sure of it.
I pulled a little photo of us out of the corner of a picture frame. It was taken from a polaroid when we were 16. 11th grade. I hadn’t been allowed to go to prom that year, so we snuck out and had our own dance. I lost my virginity that year. To some guy at some party. I couldn’t even remember what color of hair he had.
I glanced towards the hall, hearing Viv putting away her makeup. Without thought, I slid the photo away. I didn’t keep anything sentimental like that. It wasn’t my thing, which seemed strange with how many pictures I took to put online, but I don’t know, I guess I never saw the need for it, the reason behind it.
Memories were fleeting, it didn’t matter how many pictures you took, they would all fade. I suppose, thinking about it now, that seemed like a jaded way of thought.
I should have kept them all.
My gaze traveled over the pictures again. Pictures of her parents, her siblings. Good people, from what I could remember.
“Hey,” Viv finally greeted. “Rehashing good times?”
I shrugged. “Do you know why I never kept any pictures?”
She gave me a weird look as she made her way over to her couch. “You said it was pointless, remember? Our memories lived within us. It was poetic.”
Poetic. What a crock. “Yeah, I guess. I just can’t see why I never kept any pictures of my mom, of us,” I went on, turning to her. “I don’t have anything.”
Her face fell as she flicked her hair up over the collar of her jacket. “I’m sorry, Rae. Maybe I can go through some photo albums, eh? Find you some good ones of us, of your mom? She was gone a lot, but I’m sure we caught her once or twice.”
I gave her a grateful smile, one that I really meant. “Thank you.” See? How could someone that genuine not be real? Malachi had to be wrong. He had to be.
“Hey, you’re welcome, now come on,” she laughed, pulling at my hand. “Let’s go, I don’t want to be late.”
I didn’t know this city as well as I did LA. The streets were unfamiliar, and I had no guesses as to what this surprise would be, but the drive seemed long.
I chewed on my cheek as I stared out the window, nervous. I wasn’t sure why. If she betrayed me, then I wanted nothing to do with her, but losing a friendship? That was hard. She was it. She was all I had left of my old life, the life I knew. Once I destroyed this, all I had was Jack.
The serial killer I was fucking.
I winced, my eyes falling to my hands. Fuck, stop doing that to yourself. You can’t change it—
“Are you okay? You look like you just smelled shit.”
“Oh, yeah,” I laughed nervously. “Sorry, I was thinking about earlier, that phone call.”
Her face twisted. “That guy who brought that girl over? He’s a piece of shit, Rae, don’t give him another thought. We’ll find you another man tonight that will make you forget all about him.”
My brows furrowed. “Tonight? Where are you taking me?” We were going to a party? God, I really didn’t have the energy for a party tonight.
She waggled her eyebrows knowingly. “A secret, I can’t tell you. Oh, but here.” She fished something out of her pocket and handed it to me.
It was a small baggy with little white pills lacing the bottom. “Molly?”
“Molly,” she confirmed, her smile mischievous. “They’ll kick in by the time we get there.”
I stared at them for a long time. I really wanted to take them, mainly because of how it felt the night Jack had fucked me on them. I wanted that again. Maybe it would make it easier to destroy this friendship too. If that’s what it came down to.
I inhaled deeply and opened up the baggie, sliding one under my tongue, wincing at the taste. I always hated the way they tasted.
I handed her the baggie and pulled out my phone, sending Jack a message.
Rae: Taking a molly
Seconds ticked by before he responded.
Jack: Viv gave it to you?
Rae: Yes
Jack: I’ll be there soon.
I stared at that message, my brows furrowing. Why? She wouldn’t drug me, I was sure of it.
Would she?
Rae: Focus on your assignment,
sir, I’m fine
I added the eyeroll emoji for extra emphasis before shoving my phone away.
“What’s wrong?”
“Max,” I said on a sigh, half wondering what they had done to him if they had killed Captain Bard. “He just won’t leave it.” Would they kill him too?
“Fucking pathetic, I’m telling you,” she sneered. “God, I hope he gets what’s coming to him. He deserves every bad thing this world has to offer, I swear.”
If only she knew exactly what he had done. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her though. It was just too tough of a conversation. Especially with the distrust in the air.
What I really needed to focus on was talking to her. Asking her questions. Literally anything. Anything at all. But I was such a chicken. The nerves were getting to me, and I had to wonder if I was even a good match for Jack at this point. Did he want me learning his job? Did he want me going out and questioning people or even going through that program?
I would fail harder than anyone else in his business, I was sure, but that didn’t matter anyway. If I didn’t have the balls to confront Viv, how would I ever have the balls to confront anyone else?
We drove a little bit longer before Viv finally beamed. She leaned forward and looked up. “We’re here.”
I mimicked her moves only to find an old church cathedral poking up through the trees that now surrounded us. “Where are we?” I had been so concerned about summoning the courage to interrogate her that I hadn’t paid attention to where we were. In the middle of nowhere, it seemed. Which never would have made me nervous before, but now? Now I was starting to wonder if I shouldn’t have just taken Jack’s assignment as a moment to finally get some real sleep.
“Some secret club,” she bragged, leaning back in her seat. “It’s called Daylight. Super exclusive, but last week I met up with a guy who got me some bracelets!” she squealed. “They built it in an abandoned catholic church, doesn’t it just give Halloween?”
It sure did. “Give?” I asked, raising a brow.
She laughed, her cheeks burning. “I thought I’d give it a shot.”
“Shot that you severely missed,” I teased. I chewed on my lip as we slid back into silence. An exclusive club? It must have just opened. But why put it in the middle of nowhere?
I inhaled deeply, picking at my own nails. Just don’t think about it. Throw out a question. Any question at all, and don’t think too hard about the fact that you’re in the middle of nowhere with a woman whom the most dangerous man you knew claimed you didn’t know.
My heart was racing. “So, do you remember our 12th grade biology teacher?” I asked far too quickly. Shit, I was already messing this up, wasn’t I?
She looked over, a smile creeping across her face, confusion in her eyes. “Mr. Faldorf? Yeah, why?”
She remembered the ridiculous name. But that was something people didn’t just forget, right? It was a good sign. It had to be. I laughed nervously, rubbing my arm, trying to force myself to relax. “I have a confession, something I remembered last night while that guy was fucking me.” Thank God I was already blushing. I don’t think I could have forced it if I needed to.
Her brows lifted, her jaw dropping. “You were thinking of 12th grade biology while that guy fucked you? Rae!” she laughed. “What the fuck? That’s gross.”
I giggled. Just breathe, ease into it. I have done this a thousand times with more well-known people than Viv, I could sell this too. “I know, I know, but listen. I had a thing for him in High School.” I didn’t. The Mr. Faldorf I pictured had been thirty years older than me with a receding hairline and a mole on his upper lip, but he had had a kind of charm about him. Smarts. It was an easy lie to sell.
Her jaw dropped. “No, you didn’t.”
I bit my lip and nodded, finding myself falling into the roll easily. “I did, and I thought about him before I came last night.” My lip curled. “Is that bad?” I’ve told her much worse. Before I stopped talking to her about my monster fetish, I had told her so much worse, so this shouldn’t have been too bad for her to swallow.
She stared at me with wide eyes. “You really didn’t,” she tried to convince herself. “You didn’t. That’s…did you really?” she asked, trying to force herself to come to terms with my imaginary scenario.
Truthfully, I couldn’t think about anything but Jack while he was fucking me. While he was even in the same room as me. He took up every corner of my mind, which probably wasn’t that healthy, but once you were fucked like I had been fucked, it was hard not to let it consume you.
But that reaction? That was real. She had been there with me in that class, she remembered him. Right? Nobody could pretend to act like this, could they? This had to be real.
After a moment of thought, she smiled. “I’ll tell you what though,” Viv went on, leaning over. “He wasn’t as hot as Mr. Denson,” she said as if someone would overhear us.
My eyes widened in absolute shock. “Our History teacher? Ew. Viv, he had a rat tail and a goatee.”
She shrugged, her smile wide. “I kinda liked it. Gave me troubled art teacher vibes.”
We broke into laughter as we finally pulled through the tall, wrought-iron gates that led to the front of the church.
She was normal. She was Viv. How could I have ever doubted Viv. She had been there with me through everything. Through Donna being a bitch, through the classes I thought I failed, through losing my virginity, and my drug and alcohol phase. Through losing my mom, she had been there through it all.
God, I was so stupid to doubt her over some guy. I mean, Jack wasn’t just some guy, but he wasn’t my best friend. He wasn’t there, he didn’t know her like I did.
She pulled up next to another car, a black Lexus, and shut it off. “Right up your alley, right?” she asked, looking over.
She did it all for me. This club in the middle of nowhere, the Molly, everything. She cared about me, I was sure of it now. She hadn’t lied about anything.
I felt a huge smile break across my face as I really took it in. The dark clouds rolling in, the wind whistling through the trees, the creepy stained-glass windows and spires reaching up to the heavens with a large cross mounted miles above everything else it seemed. “Yeah,” I nodded, looking over, my muscles relaxing, the excitement of the creepy ambiance finally settling in. “This is amazing.”
She clapped her hands and slid out of the car, with me following right behind her. It was beautiful. I could smell the Fall rainstorm coming, the edges of Winter trickling in. Fuck, it was gorgeous. If I had any plans of having a wedding, this is where it would be.
She handed me my bracelet and clipped hers on. I did the same, twisting it around to study the symbol across the cheap black leather.
An upside down cross with an anatomical heart in the center of it.
It was absolutely perfect.
She looped her arm through mine and pulled me towards the door.
It was just like any other club. A DJ, lights, people dancing and sweating, music so loud, it drowned out any thoughts, and a bar, stocked to the teeth with booze.
We got ourselves a few shots and joined the crowd, dancing and grinding against each other. I lost my jacket almost immediately, and when the Molly didn’t hit, I asked Viv for another, losing myself in the music. I forgot about my problems, my worries, my fears, my exhaustion, and I just was.
God, it felt good.