Chapter 13
Sebastian
I feel my control slipping.
Day by day, minute by minute, in her presence, and I’m ready to snap.
It doesn’t help the case that whenever I step closer to that line, Lily meets me halfway.
She doesn’t back down or retreat from my touch.
She leans into it, making that control slither even faster.
Not even two weeks in, and the thought of kissing her is slowly driving me insane.
How am I going to survive four more weeks without overstepping that line?
I think back to my best friend, her brother.
Would he be mad?
Would he kill me?
It’s not like I have a sister of my own to compare this situation to.
And it’s not like I want to just sleep with her.
Of course, I want to do that as well.
But it’s more than that.
I want these moments where we’re experiencing something new together. Her teasing of my stamina as we climb the stairs, or a mountain, whatever she wants to do.
The shared meals with Harriet and our comfortable morning routine. Our movie nights in front of the TV.
I want those moments elevated.
Holding her hand, kissing her senseless whenever I feel like it. Cuddle with her on the sofa whilst we watch one of her romantic comedies, or when we decide on a documentary—which is our common ground.
That’s what I want.
Would Luke approve of that?
I want to talk to him, but I’m freaking terrified of what it would mean for our friendship.
If it’s a hard no, our friendship would be tainted, possibly ruined. And I would be devastated.
He’s my best friend.
Therefore, I step back, creating more distance between us, even if it fucking crushes me when I catch the disappointment in Lily’s eyes.
She quickly recovers, giving me her brilliant smile, even though I get the feeling we’re both feeling the heaviness of our situation.
～
We decide to make burgers that combine all the nutrients I need, Lily tells me. She may be the passenger in this Bugatti, but whenever we’re in the kitchen, she’s in charge.
As I gaze over to her in the car, I’m tempted to explain my sudden shutdown, but I don’t know what to say.
I’m sorry I can’t kiss you and do what we both want, if your reactions are anything to go by. I’m just terrified of what it would mean for my friendship with your brother.
She deserves better than this.
I need to keep my distance from now on, even if it feels like agony.
Once again, I’m struck by Lily’s ability to keep the vibes between us as usual.
Whilst I’m pondering away in my own head, she’s her normal talkative self, not a hint of awkwardness.
When we get to my apartment, she starts prepping the burgers straight away, giving me strict orders to stay out of the kitchen.
“Can’t have the football star nipping a finger on a knife or crying from cutting onions,” she snickers.
Cooking seems to be something she enjoys, given the amount of time she’s already spent preparing delicious meals for us after we arrived almost two weeks ago.
“I feel bad that you’re doing everything. Put me to work, Lily,” I tell her, feeling like a freaking guest in my own apartment, not being of any use.
“No, you sit your ass down and relax. You’ve fixed everything for me over here: volunteering to be my athlete, the apartment, the flights, and everything else. Please let me do this, Sebastian.”
I sigh but do as she tells me.
If she thinks she’s some burden to me, she couldn’t be more wrong.
I love having her around—she feels like a piece of home just got transported to London.
We talk about the game on Saturday, which is away. Unfortunately, she can’t travel with my team as she’s not officially a part of the club.
It’s only about forty minutes by car, so I tell her she can either drive my car, and we’ll travel back together, or I’ll pay for a driver.
“You’ll let me drive your car? The Bugatti?”
She seems tempted by the idea.
After dwelling on it for quite some time, I decided to just buy the car. It may be a lot of money, but I can afford it.
Luke had been giving me too much shit about not having my own sportscar.
I was hesitant as I don’t know how long I’ll be in London for. My contract is for multiple years, but in football, anything can happen.
“Yes, but I will be driving back,” I tell her.
“Hell, I can’t, Sebastian. They drive on the other side of the road here. I’ll probably get myself killed.”
Shit, that’s true.
I’ve gotten used to driving on the other side of the road, and switching whenever I go back home.
That’s not the case for Lily.
“Driver it is.”
We sit down to eat, and the first bite into the burger makes me groan out loud, which causes Lily to laugh.
The meat is the perfect amount of juicy, without being undercooked, and the vegetables bring just the right amount of flavour.
“If the whole sports psychology thing doesn’t work out, I’ll just hire you to make food, then you can gossip with Harriet the whole day and feed me.”
The two women have become quick friends, and they share a love of cooking. The other day, Lily went home before me, and I found the two chatting away in the kitchen when I got back.
“Or we could just get married. Then you wouldn’t have to pay for me to cook for you.”
Lily has a teasing tone, but her words stop my movements.
I know she’s just joking, and marriage isn’t something I envision for myself quite yet, but the image of her in my apartment—more permanently—has crossed my mind, too many times to count ever since she got here.
“What kind of ring would you want?” I say, meeting her with the same teasing tone.
I’m also a little curious to know the answer. Lily enjoys good jewellery; she’s wearing rings and a gold necklace every day.
“Not giving you the answer to that one, Bennet. That is reserved for my true future husband,” she says, and the words “you’re looking at him” are at the tip of my tongue.
Wow. Getting ahead of yourself here, Bennet?
What happened to keeping the distance between us?
My self-control around her is close to zero.
Our flirtatious personalities get us into these situations. We both like to flirt, and it usually doesn’t mean too much.
But with our tension and connection, every interaction is sizzling.
We’re tiptoeing that fine line between friendship and something more, and the flirting is definitely blurring that line.
I steer our conversation to safer ground, talking about the game night I host for some of my teammates most weekends if our schedule isn’t too crazy.
Most nights, it’s me, Dean, Ian, and Fredrick, but sometimes, other guys will join as well.
I was planning on inviting her, so Dean beating me to it earlier today pissed me off.
His hands all across her didn’t sit well with me either. The fucker likes to mess with me now that he knows Lily is off limits to me. He uses every opportunity to do so, but I’m not worried.
I didn’t miss her checking out my abs when my shirt lifted.
Her attention was all on me, even if he had his arm around her.
When the kitchen is spotless again, the clock is nearing ten, meaning there will be no movie night tonight.
I shouldn’t be feeling this level of disappointment over that, but I am.
Our movie nights are always fun, and for each one, I find myself a little closer to her on that couch.
I follow Lily to the door, and like every night, I’m contemplating how to say goodnight to her, and she’s solving the issue like it’s not a big deal.
It probably isn’t, to her.
Maybe I’m the only one going insane here.
She gives me a quick kiss to the cheek, so fast I almost miss it before she goes out the door with a “Goodnight, Sebastian” thrown my way.
That small touch of her lips leaves me energetic as I stand here, my hand on my cheek, as if I’m checking if this just happened or if it’s my own imagination playing tricks on me.
Those lines I’ve been thinking about look a lot more like waves with no clear direction or boundaries.