21. Jasmine
21
JASMINE
M oonbar is packed. Good thing Jade is with me this time. Apparently, the announcement from two weeks ago that the bar is closing has done nothing to dissuade people from coming in. Maybe they think if they fill the bar every night, they’ll somehow save it from impending doom? Like this is a TV movie where the girl gets the guy and saves her family’s farm in her small town from financial ruin all in one closing scene. I wish it was.
I hope.
Normally, I wouldn’t invite my little sister to witness this, but she insisted. She’s “invested now,” she claimed. As if she hasn’t been sticking her nose in my business since birth. I’m somehow lucky enough to have snagged the same spot I had the first time I was here. There was only one stool available but Jade insisted I take it while she uses the bathroom.
Bernie shoots a smile at me across the lacquered wood surface between us as she takes a customer’s order. I wasn’t sure how she’d receive me, if Nick had told her what happened between us, but it seems he didn’t. Or if he did, they don’t seem to care. Ed certainly hadn’t been hostile when I showed up at his door earlier this week, Rocco hovering behind him. Miraculously, I was able to convince them that a) I was not a weirdo, b) they should let me in to talk, and c) Bernie should probably be included, too.
After Mindy called me back to let me know that Nick had declined his parents’ offer of a loan, I’d pitched the idea to Jade. She was immediately on board. Obviously.
But beyond all the rational reasons why this plan was flawed, it also required the rest of the Moonbar team to buy in, and I’d known that would be a long shot.
Apparently, not long enough though.
Rocco and Ed walk through the Employees Only door and Rocco helps Ed get settled at the other end of the bar.
I do everything I can not to throw up.
I wish I’d brought a binder for a situation like this. I just don’t know all the resources I’d need when trying to apologize to a man whose heart you’ve broken while also suggesting you invest in his bar to save his dream of owning it one day soon.
Nick is nowhere to be seen. When we arrived, I’d double-checked with Bernie that he was in and she assured me that he’s here, but it’s been at least five minutes, maybe ten. Normally, he wouldn’t leave his partner alone for this long. And he’s supposed to host Underground Karaoke.
Jade comes bounding back from the bathroom. “They have genderless bathrooms,” she says with an adorably happy grin.
I take her hand. “That’s great, honey.”
“I’m just saying.” She shrugs. “This place is a good investment.”
“Yeah.” I scan the space for Nick for the hundredth time. “That’s the plan.”
It’s a risk, a huge risk. Forget security and planning and perfect. This is a Hail Mary.
Finally, he pushes through the door.
“What took you so long?” Bernie yells.
“I was changing the keg.” He lifts the collar of his T-shirt and uses it to dab at the sweat on his brow. “ Someone ,” he says, staring her down, “stacked the Molson at the bottom again. It’s like playing Donkey Kong with those barrels down there.”
Ed laughs, the sound raspy but strong, startling Nick.
“What are you doing here?” He spots Rocco standing next to Ed. “Since when do you come in on your day off?” he questions as he slides behind Bernie at the bar.
Rocco shrugs and Bernie tries to distract Nick from the change in routine with her next words.
“There are a couple of customers down there I haven’t been able to get to yet.” She gestures toward Jade and me.
Still, he doesn’t notice us, chirping Rocco and Ed, his voice light. He’s clearly happy to be surrounded by people he loves. He throws a Labatt Blue coaster down in front of me still half-turned away, then finally, finally , he sees me.
The instant our eyes meet, he goes stock-still. After a heartbeat or two, his gaze jumps to Jade. Then he’s taking in the scene behind and around me, checking for any other companions I may have brought.
“It’s just me,” I say.
“And me,” Jade says. “Hi, Nick.”
“Hi, Jade,” he says, pointedly turning to her before turning back to me. “Hi.”
Willing my pulse to steady, I give him a small smile. “Hi.”
“What are you doing here?” His tone is hard enough that I fight the urge to wince.
“Ordering a cab sauv, if you have it.”
“As a matter of fact, we do. Berns,” he calls over his shoulder. “Can you open a new bottle of cab sauv?”
“Sure thing, boss.”
Next to me, Jade practically vibrates with excitement.
I’ve made bad decisions with men before, a lot of them. Whether I was trying to take care of her or needed to be taken care of myself, I’ve let that cloud my judgment, and I’ve allowed myself to get hurt too many times. I’m still worried she’ll think I’m making another bad decision.
Genuine affection shines in her eyes, though, as she looks at me.
“Okay.” Nick turns back to me. “What are you doing here?” he asks again, more than just hard this time. He actually sounds angry.
Fuck.
“I…um…” I wipe my sweaty hands down my short black skirt and tights, my heart shuddering. I had a whole speech planned and suddenly I can’t remember a single thing. “I’m here because…”
He cocks an eyebrow. There are marks on his nose from the pads of his glasses. He must have been wearing them right before work.
“I want to buy the bar,” I blurt out.
His eyebrow only cocks higher, totally suspicious.
“Sorry. No. What I mean is.” I take a huge breath, and I don’t let myself hold it no matter how much I want to. “I have the money to invest in your business. And I think it’s enough.”
“Uhhh…” Nick looks more confused than ever.
“Enough for you to save the bar,” I say quickly, then gesture behind him at Bernie and Rocco. “If we all went in together.”
He turns back to his co-workers, his friends, his jaw set. “Oh, I see,” he says quietly enough that I have to read the words on his lips. “So, you all schemed behind my back, huh?”
“For the record, I was not part of the scheme,” Jade chimes. I kick her shin, and she yelps.
“Not. Helping,” I say through gritted teeth. “There was no scheme .” My hands are out to bat away any angry assumptions he may make. “I wanted to help. We all did.”
He shakes his head as Bernie slides my glass of wine toward me, laughs like he’s in disbelief. “You thought that would help me, Jasmine?” He leans over the bar, not crowding me, but so he can lower his voice when he says, “When it comes down to it, it’s not the bar I wanted. It was you. And you left me.” He leans back, his eyes dark, his mouth sneering. He raps the bar with his knuckles. “Twice.”
With that he steps away. “The wine is on the house,” he says. And he walks out from behind the bar toward the stage.
“Shit,” Jade says.
Ed and Rocco watch me from the other side of the bar, but I can’t bring myself to meet their eyes. Bernie keeps sending me gentle smiles; that just makes me want to cry more.
“Maybe we should go?” Jade tugs on my wrist, squeezing when I turn to her, the tears welling in my eyes visible. “Let’s go,” she says resolute. She knows I hate to cry in public.
Nick starts his intro to Underground Karaoke and the crowd thunders with the excitement and anticipation of alcoholically lubricated live performances.
He hates me. He might actually hate me.
My mind is numb, my ears filled with the sound of bees, even though I know that’s incorrect. There are no bees here. Jade easily drags me from my barstool, collects my coat, pulls me toward the safety of the exit.
My god, I’m an idiot. Leading with a business proposal rather than the truth, that I’m falling for him. I fell. I fucking love Nick Scott. Bartender, son, brother; liar, boss, friend, best kisser I’ve ever kissed. I fell for him because he loves the things he loves without shame, and he feels judged by his father but still wants his approval, and because when a complete stranger poured her heart onto his bar top he didn’t laugh at her or judge her, he helped her.
Nick helped me.
I plant my feet on the sticky floor before Jade can tug me through the exit. She whispers, “Come on, sissy. Every exit is an emergency exit if you try hard enough.”
I shake my head, squeezing her hand, and turn back to the bar. “I want to sing,” I say to no one in particular. Before Jade can persuade me not to, I march back to the bar, where Bernie stands with a clipboard in hand. “Bernie, I want to sing.”
She looks at me, then over my shoulder. Presumably at Nick.
“Anyone can sing, right?”
She heaves a sigh and says, with a click of her pen, “Anyone. What song?”
Shit. I hadn’t thought that far ahead. A crowd pushes in from behind me, the other karaoke-ers waiting to get their names on the list. I’m going to sing in front of all of them.
What have I done.
“‘Night Moves,’” I hear myself say. “Bob Seger.”
She scribbles the info down before nodding toward the stage where the band is tuning their instruments. “It’ll be about five more minutes, but you’re first up.”
I walk on wooden legs to the side of the stage, lean against the wall. The cool brick and rough surface helps ground me in my body, the feeling in my limbs returning.
“ Jazz ,” my sister hisses. She stands directly in front of me. Where did she even come from? “What are you doing?”
I rummage through my bag, looped around her shoulder, for my hand sanitizer. My hands aren’t particularly dirty, it just feels good to control something right now, like the percentage of living bacteria on my hands. “Singing in public. Terribly.”
The lights go down, but the volume in the bar goes way up. This is going to happen. It’s happening. People whistle, the shrill sound making me wince and Jade clap her hands over her ears.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asks.
I shake my head. “No.”
“Do you want me to come with you?” We’re just inches from each other, but Jade has to yell to be heard over the noise and the musicians warming up beside us.
“No.” My stomach rolls with nerves. “I have to do this myself. I have to do it for myself.”
Jade smiles. She looks proud of me, and even though my hands shake and my heart won’t leave my throat and I won’t have a voice to sing with, even though I think I could pass out at any moment, beneath all of that, I’m proud of myself, too.
“It helps,” I say. “To know you’re here.”
Jade hugs me, one of her better hugs. Tight, warm, vibrating with laughter, or love, or just pure energy, I’m never quite sure. “Always,” she whispers in my ear.
The crowd erupts around us as Nick hops back onto the stage, Bernie’s clipboard in his hand. “Our first performer,” he says into the mic as he glances down at the sign-up sheet, “is…”
He pauses. Frowns. He scans the rest of the list, lifts the paper to scan the list behind it. When he flips the paper down, he looks at me. For the first time in what’s felt like forever, his voice changes, soft, tender, warm, when he says, “Jasmine.”
Jade has to shove me forward and the next thing I know I’m on the stage. The lights are brighter and hotter than I expected. The space cramped, with the band stuffed in tight behind me, carpet covering the wood flooring. Nick stares at me, his expression unreadable. He’s not mad, at least not as mad as he had been.
“Hi,” he says softly, away from the mic.
“Hi,” I rasp.
He leans closer and for this moment I’m not on a stage in front of strangers, I’m just with Nick. I lean toward him, but he blinks and faces the crowd. “Jasmine is singing ‘Night Moves’ by Bob Seger.”
The room erupts again, impossibly louder than before. So that’s great. Apparently, there are a lot of Bob Seger fans in this bar.
“Oh my god.” I grab Nick’s arm before he can walk off stage and leave me here. “I don’t know the words,” I half-shriek, though I’m still barely audible.
Nick turns me slowly, his hands warm through my thick white fisherman’s sweater, to face a screen with the lyrics.
Duh.
He’s gone when I look over my shoulder, though, and it’s not like I could have said anything anyway because then, the music starts.