Chapter 28
Adam and Mel got out of the truck at the diner. She slipped her arm through his as they strolled to the door. He gave her a nervous smile.
“If you’re not ready to talk about the past, we don’t have to.”
“I want to.” He opened the door and let her go in first.
Melinda seemed to give him the opportunity to take the lead. She busied herself with fixing her coffee and made small talk about what they would order. After the waitress set a full carafe on the table, she slipped away.
He took a sip of coffee and in a clear, steady voice said, “Some of this may be repetitious, but I want to be clear, I’m a Marine. I’m not former. I’m retired.”
“I think I understand.” Mel nodded, encouraging him. “Go on.”
“I would still serve if I could, but something happened on my last tour that changed my plans for the future.”
“It was your third tour, going to the desert?”
Melinda’s voice was gentle. Adam could tell he had her undivided attention. “It was.”
Their breakfast was delivered and Adam began to eat without tasting. Melinda picked up her fork and cut into the soft-boiled egg.
He knew starting from the beginning was the only way he was going to get through this. “When people talk about the war, most times they have no idea what it is really like. What you see on the news wouldn’t prepare anyone for the harsh reality. The sand gets everywhere. I dreamed of grass and trees.”
He toyed with his toast, gathering his thoughts. “Strong bonds are formed. You depend on your buddies’ eyes and ears and they on you. I was lucky the first two times. I saw first-hand what happened when one of our Humvees hit an IED, how it ended up twisted and distorted, just a hunk of metal. The seats where men and women sat were mere shells of what had been. Intel was critical in keeping us safe. Sadly, there were times our worst nightmares became our reality.” He knew his comments were stilted, but it was difficult explaining this to Mel.
“I can’t imagine living that way. Especially going back two more times.” She shuddered.
Adam pushed his eggs around.
“What was deployment like?” Her eyes searched his face. But he held his emotions in check.
“It’s not easy. Sharing it with men and women who trained alongside you, they become your family. I would have taken a bullet for anyone in my unit.”
Melinda’s mouth fell open.
“You rely on each other to get back to base in the same condition as you left.”
Adam paused and refilled their coffee mugs. “We talked about this before.” He took a sip. It burned like acid in his stomach. He added a splash of cream. “My last tour began the same as the first two. I should have been on a desk in camp, but I wanted to be with my team. It was supposed to be a routine patrol.” He faltered and dropped his head. “They died instantly. Four Marines, gone.” The ache behind his eyes gained in intensity. “Then it was our turn.”
Almost in a whisper Mel asked, “Adam?”
“I was medevac’d out.” He stopped short of telling her he lost his leg. Once again, he didn’t want to tell her he got off easy when his men hadn’t. That was the burden he carried with him every day of his life and he would until he drew his last breath. Slowly he lifted his head. “I’ve battled with depression, panic attacks and nightmares. I relive that day over and over again.” His voice cracked, thick with unshed tears. “It’s my fault those soldiers died.”
Mel laid her hand on his. “What could you have done differently?”
With a heavy heart, he looked into her eyes. “I’ve asked myself that question a million times.” It felt good to talk to her about this. It was cathartic, an unburdening of his soul.
“Have you come up with an answer?” Her tone was so gentle it soothed the ache deep inside of him.
“Not yet.”
“And counseling?”
He dropped his gaze. “Yeah. I was lucky. When I was in the hospital, the doctors and nurses understood what I was going through. I resisted at first, but thank God they persisted. They never gave up on me.”
“Do you still talk to someone?” Mel clung tight to his hand.
“I do, and I have Will. He encourages me to talk about what happened.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through such a horrific trauma.”
He reminded himself he still hadn’t told her the full story. “Mel, I need to tell you…”
“I understand. You don’t need to explain anything more.”
He leaned back in his chair, stopping short. Maybe it was cowardly, but she had just given him an out.
“We all have scars.” Melinda took his other hand. “Is this why you had a hard time to date? You weren’t ready to share your pain?”
“I guess. After my ex broke it off, something inside of me died. Until I met you.”
She seemed unsure how to respond, so he decided to lighten the mood. With a small smile he said, “What a way to start the day, with all this heavy stuff.”
Her pretty sea-green eyes locked onto his face. “You can always talk to me, about anything. I care about you.”
He squeezed her hand. For now, that sounded really nice. Given time, he’d hope to see this relationship develop into more, much more. “I care about you too.” He thought to himself, that was an understatement.
She pulled out her wallet. “Breakfast is my treat. You can get it next time.”
He started to protest, but she gave him a stern look, one he had seen when she set her mind to something and there was no changing it. “Besides you paid for dinner.”
“I’ll leave the tip and there will definitely be a next time. After all, we’re going to Newport in a few weeks.”
Melinda flashed him a grin. “I wonder if they make lobster eggs benedict?”
“That sounds expensive,” he teased.
“But I can guarantee you, I’m worth every penny.” With a laugh she signed her name to the slip the waitress had handed her.
Adam dropped a few bills on the table while Mel slipped into her jacket. He followed her out of the small diner. His next stop would be to talk to Will. Maybe he knew of a way to find the courage to tell her the rest of his truth.
Stacey was sitting at Melinda’s breakfast bar nursing a glass of wine, filling goody bags for the ladies attending the spa day. She and Melinda were going over the last of the details for Molly’s bridal shower.
“Has Adam talked to you about his last deployment?”
With a one-shoulder shrug Melinda said, “Some. I think he held back more of the horrific details. As I listened to him give me the condensed version, my heart broke for him and for all military people. How do they deal with that day after day?”
“Will did two tours and for the most part he doesn’t talk about it. I respect his privacy. He and Adam have times when they talk for hours about friends they lost and the innocence left behind when these men and women come home.”
“Was Will injured?”
“Nothing like what Adam endured.”
Melinda paused and looked up from the note she was writing. “What do you mean?”
Stammering, Stacey said, “You know, the PTSD.”
Melinda wanted—no, needed—to know the truth. “Stacey? Is there more to hear?”
“It’s not my story to tell. Talk to Adam.”
She shook her head. Her intuition was in overdrive after all the patients she had counseled she knew there was something he was holding close to the vest. He had the opportunity to tell her all that had happened. Melinda knew what PTSD felt like. John’s death changed her. The depression that had engulfed her in the months that followed was a dark, oppressive cloud.
“Melinda?” She heard the concern in Stacey’s voice.
“Sorry. I got distracted.”
“Please don’t be upset with me. Adam is Will’s best friend, more like a brother, and I love him like family.”
“He is a good man.” Melinda smiled, hoping to reassure her friend. “It’s not a secret, but he and Beth have decided they’re not going to continue to date.”
Stacey tucked small splits of wine into the cloth bags on the counter. “I saw that coming. She didn’t ring any bells for him.”
Melinda felt a smidge guilty for taking Stacey down this path, but she was curious about why Beth hadn’t been a good match and why Adam was attracted to her. “Really? They both love the outdoorsy stuff. But she hates sports so I guess I’m not completely surprised.”
“That is just one side of Adam. His friends mean the world to him.”
“I know. When I met him at the wedding, I could see how much everyone there liked him. He just fit, if you know what I mean. Although I did get the impression he loved spending time outdoors, and with his job I just figured he’d want someone who was as active as he seemed to be.”
“He’s like all of us,” Stacey laughed. “Some days it’s tough getting out of bed. I feel like an old lady.”
“I know. If I spend the day gardening, I get stiff. That’s when I tell myself if I were a couch potato, it would be even worse.”
Stacey added bars of gourmet chocolate to the bags. “Have you heard from Molly?”
“We talked last night. She is very excited for the spa and then meeting her fiancé and the guys for a night of dinner and dancing.”
Surprise flitted across Stacey’s face. “Dancing? Did we get a band or something?”
Melinda smiled. “Relax. I checked with the restaurant, and in the dining room we’ve reserved they have a small dance floor. I’ve arranged to have romantic music play, so she and Tim can dance to their hearts’ content.”
“You think of all the details.”
Melinda held up a small notebook and waved it in midair. “If I were to ever lose this, I’d be sunk. My planner keeps me ultra-organized.”
“You don’t use your phone?”
Melinda laughed. “I need to physically write it down. That’s the only way to make sure everything gets done.”
“Maybe I should try that too. Will says I’d lose my head if it wasn’t attached.”
“Stacey, you guys really are happy, aren’t you?”
She beamed and a glow of happiness filled her eyes. “You helped me find the love of my life. Sometimes I feel like you were given a gift from the goddess of love. I’ve never met anyone who has such a knack for matchmaking.” She added small tubes of hand lotion to the bags.
Melinda couldn’t help but laugh. “This is the very first time I’ve ever been compared to a goddess.”
“Well, I could compare you to Cupid.” Stacey folded down the tops of the bags.
“It sounds like being compared to the goddess is quite a lot to live up to.” She laughed. “I wonder if I can add that to my website, as a testimonial from a satisfied client.”
Stacey grinned. “Of course you can, anything I can do to help support your business. After all, you should share your gift with the world.”