Chapter 35
He knocked on the adjoining door.
“Hold on,” she called before she opened it. He stood, dressed in sweatpants and a Marine sweatshirt.
“H-hi,” she stuttered. Melinda’s cheeks flushed.
An uncomfortable silence was heavy between them for several long unending minutes.
Melinda started to speak and Adam did at the same time. He said, “You first.”
“Do you want to come in?”
He nodded and took a step in. “Can we talk?”
“Of course.” She flipped back the covers, perched on the edge of the bed and patted the space next to her. “Care to sit down?”
The bed gave under his weight. “I’m sorry.” He gestured to his leg. “About this.”
She waved her hand and looked down. “I understand, it’s hard to find a way to bring it into a conversation.”
He bowed his head. “I’d like to tell you what happened, and some of this I’ve never shared with anyone, not even Will.”
She clasped her hand over his. It gave him strength.
“When I got to the hospital, I still had my leg, barely. It was severely damaged and the doctor told me from the very beginning I might lose it, but he would save my life.”
He heard her suck in a breath, but she remained silent.
“Those first few days were a haze. I was on a lot of painkillers and I had a concussion. We trained hard for the mission but someone trying to blow you to smithereens isn’t exactly something the Marines can train you for, or what comes after you survive, the initial realization that only some of your people were okay.”
Quietly, Mel said, “You told me you lost soldiers on this mission.”
His eyes sought hers. “There was one man, they’d just had a new baby. He hadn’t even held her yet.” He could feel the tears threatening to fall. “But each life that was taken had a similar story. People who loved them.” He could hear the catch in his voice. “Once I was stable enough to be flown back to the States, I was relieved. My military career was gone and all I wanted was to get home.” He dropped his head. “That was after.”
Gently she said, “After what?”
“I developed an infection and it was overtaking my body. The doctor said they had to amputate my leg below the knee to save my life.”
“Do you think he knew right from the beginning?”
Adam shook his head. “The odds were never in my favor, but I’m confident the doctor did all he could. He had seen so many of these types of injuries and understood that it was a physical challenge, but the emotional impact was just as hard.”
Mel’s voice quivered when she asked, “Were you alone? When it happened?”
“I was lucky. Will had flown over to be with me. He was my rock. I don’t know if I would have made it without his support.”
“I’m glad you had him.” Tears slipped silently down her cheeks. He wanted to brush them away. But not yet. He needed to get out what he wanted to say.
“After I was stateside, I went to a rehab clinic. I had to learn how to walk again and deal with the PTSD. That’s when Anita came back into the picture.” His words rushed out. “I had physical therapy every day, along with the shrink I was pretty busy. One day I was in the PT room, walking between the lateral bars. I was pushing myself, determined. When I looked up she was standing in the doorway watching me. I’ll never forget that moment, the look of pity she wore. I could tell from her eyes I wasn’t the man she wanted any longer.”
“Oh Adam,” she cried, “I’m sure you misread the situation.”
“It doesn’t matter. She stayed around for a couple of weeks in South Carolina, but then she made an excuse that she had to get back to the West Coast. After that her phone calls slowed and pretty soon it was a sporadic text or email.”
“I thought she just left?”
“That wasn’t the whole truth. I didn’t want you to know what really happened. I flew out there. I had to know if we still had anything between us.” He could hear the bitterness creep into his voice. “She was at our favorite restaurant, one with outdoor seating. I stopped by to pick up dinner for two and that’s when I saw her. On a date.”
“Did she see you?”
“Yeah, she ran after me, telling me it wasn’t what it looked like. I did her a favor and told her I was coming to break up with her in person. She was free to have the life I knew she wanted.”
She squeezed his hand tighter. “I’m so sorry. That had to have been agony for you. You should have told me.”
He withdrew his hand. “What’s done is done.”
“That doesn’t explain why you kept it a secret from me.”
He could tell she really didn’t get it. “I couldn’t bear to have another woman pity me. Especially not you.” His voice dropped.
She visibly shrank. “We all have scars, Adam. Yours happen to be external as well as internal, but you should know by now that we’re a lot alike. My scars are hidden from everyone. I didn’t share my past with anyone. Until you.”
Her voice was filled with sadness and it broke his heart to know that she was right. Out of all the people he had met, she would never have judged him, just as he understood why she closed herself off.
He asked, “We make quite a pair, don’t we?”
“How did you expect to have a relationship with me and keep this a secret?”
“Honestly, I didn’t think that far ahead and, in my defense, I’ve wanted to tell you.”
She threw up her hands. “That doesn’t make a bit of sense. We have spent so much time together over the last few months. There wasn’t one time where you couldn’t have said, ‘Mel, we need to talk about something serious.’”
He stammered, “I-I...”
Mel leaned forward. “Talk to me. I mean, really talk to me. Not what you think I want to hear.”
Adam’s gut tightened. How could he tell her what he was really feeling inside? The panic. The fear. What the hell, he had nothing to lose. Except her. On the other hand, maybe he would finally be free to let go of the past.
As if sensing his struggle, she said, “Adam, I would never judge you, but we can’t move forward unless we are both totally honest with each other. That’s how a relationship works, complete and total honesty.”
Taking a deep breath, he said, “I don’t know if I can really let someone into my life. My identity was entwined with my persona as a Marine. When I had to retire and learn how to live life as a disabled person, I was devastated. There isn’t any part of me that remained the same. Before the accident. Career, body, relationships, gone.”
“You said there is no such thing as a former Marine.”
He laughed, but it sounded hollow even to himself. “You listened.”
She gave him a look that made his laughter die. “I’m serious. Your friendship with Will has endured and I’m sure there are others. Look at how you carry yourself every single day. You are a good man, kind, respectful and loyal.”
“It’s nice you feel that way, Mel, but I’m seriously flawed. There are times when I’m not strong, when I lean on Will, like when I cut my hand. He had to help me get my leg off and on for the first couple of days. I couldn’t even do that by myself.”
“Good friends are there when another needs help and support.”
He shrugged. “I’ve counted on him more times than I care to admit.”
“If the roles were reversed, what would you do?”
“I know all of this but…” His voice trailed off as he noticed her face looked different somehow. Like he was really seeing her for the first time as Dr. Grayson. “This isn’t a therapy session.” He shot to his feet and began to pace. “I’ve been on the couch before—this isn’t what I wanted our conversation to be about.” He pounded his chest. “This is personal.”
Mel leaned back and waited. Adam could feel his temper spiking. “Mel, we’re supposed to be talking about why I didn’t tell you.”
“We are.”
“No. You’re dredging up how I feel about myself.”
Firmly she said, “You can’t move forward if you’re stuck in the past.”
He snorted. “That’s rich from the woman who won’t date because she says she had her one great love. It’s like you stopped living when you buried John.”
The moment he said those words in anger he instantly regretted them. He sat next to Mel and took her hand. “I am so sorry. I shouldn’t have said that. It was insensitive and—”
Mel put her finger against his lips. “And true.” She took her hand away and said, “After I told you about the day John died, I’ve thought about my life. Moving here was a way to put distance between me and the memories that were too hard to face. I never expected to make wonderful friends and feel at home in this small coastal town. John would want me to be happy again. It’s taken me a long time to come to terms with the idea that it’s okay to even think about dating. It’s not betraying his memory or diminishing our life together.”
“Does this mean you’re ready to move on?” He wanted her to say yes.
“It does.” She gave him a tiny smile.
“That’s great.” He grinned and then his face fell. He went from happiness to sad in a split second. “This is why you’re pushing me. I need to be ready too.”
“Adam, I care for you, a great deal. I’m still hurt that you didn’t feel you could trust me. But I get it. Moving forward, I expect you to be completely honest with me, and that when direct questions are asked, they are answered truthfully.”
Adam got up again and walked to the window. He stood there looking out in the dark night. All he could see was the hurt in Mel’s eyes. How could he avoid that again if he didn’t let his warts show? In a split second he made up his mind.
“Mel, I need to show you something.”
Hesitantly she said, “Okay.”
Adam’s heart thundered in his chest. He was going to be brave and bare all.
He crossed the short distance and stood by the bed. He slid his sweats down below his butt. With a nervous laugh he said, “Hope you like the boxers. I like wacky prints.”
Her eyes were locked on his until her gaze slid down. “Cute, I see you’ve got a thing for fish.”
Adam gave her a small smile. “Yeah, I like to fish,” He sat down on the edge of the bed.
Mel looked at his thigh. “Does it hurt? After the fall, I mean?”
“The stump is a little swollen, but not a big deal.” He proceeded to toss his pants off. “This is how I take Linus off.”
“You named it?”
He glanced over at her. “We needed to become friends.”
He pushed a button and the limb came off in his hand. He heard Mel take a deep breath, but he kept going. “This liner has a ratchet on the silicone sock that secures it to the residual limb.” He peeled off one heavy sock and then another exposing the faint, pale pink incision that encircled just below the knee. “That’s it.”
Her fingertips grazed his hand. She intertwined her fingers with his. They sat there for several long moments.
Finally Adam said, “That’s all there is to see.”
Melinda leaned in and kissed his cheek. Her kisses trailed down his jaw until they found his mouth. She kissed him tenderly and murmured, “You’re the bravest man I know.”
“You know everything about me, Mel. I have no secrets from you from this moment forward.” A single tear slid down her cheek. He wiped it away with his thumb. “Why the tear?’
“I’m humbled by you.”
“Mel.” His heart thumped in his chest.
“I’m glad you made friends with Linus.”
“Me too.” He cleared his throat. “What do you say we get some sleep? We can do something fun tomorrow.”
“Can I watch you put Linus on?”
He brushed her hair from her forehead and placed another tender kiss on her lips. “I have nothing to hide.”
He slipped the two layers of socks over the stump and then the silicone sleeve. It clicked into place. He stood and pulled his sweats up. He held out his hand to Mel and pulled her into his arms, against his chest.
He murmured in her hair, “I’ve never shown anyone that before, except Will.”
She leaned into his chest and sighed. “Thank you.”
Not trusting himself to speak, he held her tight. All he wanted to do was get things back to being the fun weekend they had started. He kissed the top of her head and took a deep, soul-soothing breath. “In the morning would you like to see the winery and then have lunch?”
“I would. But maybe we can see where the road takes us.”
“I’d like that.” Adam picked up his coat from the side chair.
Mel smiled at him. He felt it go straight to his heart like Cupid’s arrow. “I think exploring sounds like a lot of fun.” She teased, “Unless you’re afraid of getting lost.”
He chuckled. “We’re on an island. On three sides we have ocean and the other direction will lead us home.”
“That leaves us much to see.”
Adam stood and pulled her into his arms. He lowered his mouth to hers and tender turned to passionate as he kissed her. She slipped her arms around his waist and pulled him closer. He took his time exploring her lips. Savoring the newfound connection they shared. When he pulled away, he smoothed back her tousled hair. “Time for sleep.”
She smiled at him. “As much as I’ve loved talking and sharing, I think some shut eye is what we both need. Today has been a little emotional.”
He kissed her good night walked to the adjoining door. “I’ll lock the door when I get on the other side.”
“You don’t need to do that.” Mel crossed the room and flipped the lock. “I trust you implicitly.”
Adam swallowed the lump that rose in his throat. He blew her a kiss before saying, “Good night, Mel.”