Chapter 9
POV: Amara
Sleep became impossible.
I tried everything.
Another dose of medicine.
Then another half-dose.
Then one of the mild sedatives Lyra had left “just in case.”
I tried a really cold shower.
I tried to touch myself, my own touch felt numb.
Nothing worked.
The heat inside me had stopped feeling like simple pressure hours ago.
Now it hurt.
A deep aching pulse low in my stomach that kept tightening until my entire body felt restless beneath my skin.
I tossed beneath the blankets again with a frustrated groan before finally sitting up.
Enough.
If I stayed trapped inside this room any longer, I was genuinely going to lose my mind.
The sedative made my thoughts slightly hazy as I pushed myself out of bed slowly.
I barely even cared what I looked like anymore.
My thin nightgown clung softly against overheated skin while I dragged a robe over it and tied it loosely around my waist.
Then I stepped into the hallway.
The packhouse was almost silent this late at night.
Dim golden lights glowed against dark stone walls while rain tapped softly somewhere outside the massive windows.
I walked without direction at first.
Just moving.
Trying to breathe through the constant ache curling inside me.
Maybe walking would help.
Maybe cold air would help.
Maybe exhaustion would eventually force my body to shut down.
But no matter where I turned—
My thoughts circled back to him.
Riven.
Always Riven.
His voice.
His eyes.
The way he looked at me like he was constantly fighting himself.
The way he was avoiding me.
It was unbearable.
I barely noticed I was lost until I turned another corner and found a small support kitchen tucked between one of the quieter wings of the packhouse.
Soft amber light spilled across dark counters.
And there—
Riven stood alone beside the kitchen island.
One large hand braced against the counter.
A glass of whiskey near his other hand.
He looked up the second I entered.
Everything inside me tightened instantly.
Relief.
Desperation.
Want.
The worst possible thing for my heat should have been finding him here.
Instead—
Some horrible part of me felt calmer immediately just from seeing him.
Riven went completely still as his gaze swept over me slowly.
The robe.
The flushed skin.
The exhaustion written all over my face.
His jaw flexed once.
“Amara.”
Just hearing my name in that low rough voice made heat pulse sharply through me again.
I swallowed hard.
“Hi.”
Brilliant.
Incredible conversational skills.
His eyes flickered briefly toward the hallway behind me. “You shouldn’t be awake.”
“I could say the same thing to you.”
Silence stretched between us.
Then my attention shifted toward the whiskey glass near his hand.
Riven noticed immediately.
“Want some?”
I probably should’ve said no.
Instead, I walked toward him slowly.
Every step closer made my pulse pound harder.
By the time I reached the counter, we stood dangerously near each other.
Close enough that I could smell cedar and smoke and whiskey wrapping around him.
Close enough that my wolf immediately pressed toward him desperately beneath my skin.
Riven reached for another glass.
But before he could pour it—
I picked up his instead.
His eyes snapped to my mouth as I lifted the whiskey to my lips.
The burn spread warm down my throat immediately.
Neither of us spoke.
The silence became thick.
Heavy.
Dangerous.
When I lowered the glass again, Riven still watched my lips.
Not my eyes.
My lips.
And suddenly my entire body felt too warm all over again.
“Couldn’t sleep?” he asked quietly.
I shook my head once.
“Heat?”
The word alone nearly made me shiver.
“Yes.”
Riven exhaled slowly through his nose like he was forcing himself to stay calm.
I leaned back lightly against the counter beside him, trying to steady my breathing.
For one tiny second, it almost worked.
Then another sharp pulse twisted violently low in my stomach.
Pain shot through me hard enough to steal my breath.
I gasped softly before my knees nearly buckled beneath me.
“Amara.”
Riven caught my waist instantly.
The second his hands touched me—
Everything stopped.
The pain vanished.
Not dulled.
Gone.
A broken sound escaped me before I could stop it.
Relief crashed through my entire body so suddenly my forehead fell against his chest automatically.
“Oh my God…”
His body went rigid beneath mine.
But he didn’t let go.
One of his large hands stayed locked around my waist while the other steadied against my back carefully.
Like touching me terrified him.
Meanwhile I could finally breathe again.
Warmth flooded through me instead of agony now, and I exhaled shakily against his shirt before realizing what I was doing.
I pulled back instantly.
“I’m sorry.”
Riven stared down at me with something dangerously close to panic in his eyes.
“What the fuck,” he muttered.
My throat tightened.
“I don’t know what’s happening to me,” I admitted quietly. “I’m taking the medicine constantly now and it barely helps anymore.”
His hands flexed once against my waist before he forced himself to let go completely.
The loss of contact made the ache immediately threaten to return.
Not fully.
Not yet.
But enough to terrify me.
“I tried everything,” I whispered. “Running. Cold showers. Sleeping. Touching myself.” Heat flooded my face instantly at the confession, but I was too exhausted to care anymore. “Nothing works.”
Riven looked wrecked.
Not cold.
Not distant.
Wrecked.
Like every word coming out of my mouth physically cost him something.
And somehow that scared me more than the heat itself.
“When you touched me,” I said carefully, “the pain stopped.”
Silence.
Heavy silence.
Riven dragged one hand slowly across his jaw before looking away briefly like he was trying to think through something impossible.
“You need sleep,” he said finally.
My laugh came out weak and tired. “I would love sleep.”
His eyes closed briefly for one second.
Like he was losing patience with himself.
Then he looked at me again.
“Let me take you back to your room.”
The ache inside me pulsed uncertainly at the thought of losing contact again.
But exhaustion won anyway.
So I nodded softly.
“…Okay.”
And when Riven stepped closer beside me again—
My wolf quieted immediately.
The walk back to my room felt strangely quiet.
Not awkward exactly.
Just…
Fragile.
Like neither of us knew what to do with whatever this was becoming.
Riven stayed beside me through the dim hallways without touching me again, but I noticed every small thing anyway.
The tension in his shoulders.
The way his jaw stayed locked tight.
How carefully he kept distance between us now.
Like he already regretted touching me downstairs.
That thought hurt more than it should have.
But the moment we reached my room and he stepped slightly farther away—
The pain returned immediately.
Sharp enough to make me stop walking.
A strained breath escaped me before I could stop it.
Riven froze instantly.
I pressed a hand against my stomach, mortified. “It’s worse at night.”
His expression darkened.
Not angry.
Concerned.
Deeply concerned.
The heat curled violently beneath my skin again, demanding him with humiliating desperation.
Riven stared at me for one long second before dragging a hand through his dark hair roughly.
Then he muttered something under his breath that I couldn’t catch.
“Lay down.”
I blinked.
“What?”
“Lay down, Amara.”
My pulse stumbled.
I obeyed before I could overthink it.
The mattress dipped softly as I climbed beneath the blankets, my robe loosening slightly around overheated skin while exhaustion dragged at every part of me.
Riven remained standing near the bed for another second.
Like he was fighting himself.
Then finally—
He moved.
The mattress shifted again as he laid down carefully beside me.
Not touching.
Just there.
Warm.
Large.
Dangerously close.
My entire body relaxed instantly.
The relief was so immediate it almost embarrassed me.
Riven noticed.
Of course he noticed.
His eyes studied my face carefully in the darkness.
“My presence helps?”
I swallowed softly.
“Yes.”
The word barely came out louder than a whisper.
Something flickered across his expression then.
Not triumph.
Not satisfaction.
Something heavier.
More conflicted.
Riven stared up at the ceiling for a moment before speaking again.
“I’ll stay until you fall asleep.”
Then I heard him add quietly, almost to himself—
“And then I’ll leave.”
A strange ache settled in my chest at that.
But exhaustion won before I could examine why.
“…Okay.”
Silence settled between us afterward.
Soft.
Heavy.
Intimate in a way that felt almost dangerous.
Rain still tapped quietly against the windows outside while warmth from Riven’s body surrounded me from inches away.
My wolf purred beneath my skin for the first time in days.
Safe.
That terrifying word drifted through me right before sleep finally pulled me under.
When I woke sometime later, everything felt warm.
Too warm.
For one disoriented second, I couldn’t understand why.
Then I realized—
Riven’s arm was wrapped around my waist.
My breath caught softly.
At some point during the night, we’d shifted closer together.
Much closer.
My back rested fully against his chest now while his body curved around mine protectively in sleep.
Like this was natural.
Like he belonged there.
And horrifyingly—
The heat inside me had quieted almost completely.
A soft shaky breath escaped me as I relaxed instinctively deeper against him.
God.
This felt dangerous.
His scent surrounded me completely now.
Cedar.
Smoke.
Whiskey.
Warm male skin.
My body melted beneath it immediately.
I should move.
I absolutely should move.
Instead, I closed my eyes again.
Just for one more minute.
Just one.
Sleep dragged me under again almost instantly.
Morning sunlight spilled softly across the room when I woke the second time.
And this time—
I became aware of everything all at once.
The weight of his arm across my waist.
My leg tangled between his.
The steady warmth of his chest against my back.
And—
Something very hard pressed against me.
My entire body froze.
Oh.
Oh God.
Heat flooded my face instantly as realization crashed into me.
Riven was awake too.
I felt it immediately in the sudden tension of his body behind mine.
Neither of us moved for one horrible second.
Then he pulled away fast.
Too fast.
Like touching me burned him.
I rolled onto my back just in time to see Riven sit up at the edge of the bed, one hand dragging roughly down his face.
His dark hair looked messy from sleep.
His shirt was wrinkled.
And somehow that made him look even more devastating.
“I’m sorry,” he said hoarsely.
My pulse stumbled at the roughness in his voice.
“It’s okay,” I answered quickly.
Too quickly.
Because it wasn’t okay.
Nothing about this felt okay anymore.
Riven stood abruptly before I could say anything else.
Distance.
He needed distance again.
I could see it all over him.
Without looking directly at me, he adjusted his shirt sharply before heading toward the door.
And for one terrible second—
I almost asked him to stay.
But then his hand tightened around the doorknob.
And he left.
Just like that.
The room instantly felt colder without him in it.
Worse—
The ache inside me began returning almost immediately.