Chapter 12
POV: Amara
His mouth crashed into mine again before I could even breathe properly.
Everything after that became heat.
Hands.
Breathing.
Skin.
I couldn’t think anymore.
I kissed him back desperately, my fingers sliding into his dark hair while his hands roamed over my body like he physically couldn’t stop touching me now.
My waist.
My ribs.
My hips.
Every touch sent another violent wave of relief through me.
“Riven—”
My voice broke against his mouth.
A rough sound left his throat at hearing his name like that.
His grip tightened instantly.
Then suddenly—
He lifted me.
I gasped softly as my legs wrapped around his waist instinctively, and the second I settled against him, I felt him.
Hard.
The realization sent a sharp pulse of heat straight through me.
Oh God.
Riven cursed under his breath against my lips before carrying me toward the bed like he was fighting himself every second of the way.
The mattress dipped beneath me moments later.
And then he was over me.
Large.
Warm.
Overwhelming.
His hands pinned my wrists gently above my head while he kissed me again, slower this time but somehow even more dangerous.
Like he was trying to control himself and failing anyway.
The pressure of his body against mine felt intoxicating.
I arched beneath him without meaning to.
Needing closer.
Needing more.
Then suddenly—
He stopped.
Breathing hard.
His forehead pressed briefly against mine while his eyes shut tightly.
“I can’t.”
The words hit like ice water.
And instantly—
The pain came roaring back.
So violently it ripped a broken sound from my throat.
I curled instinctively, arching beneath him while pressure twisted low in my belly again, sharp and unbearable now that his touch was gone.
Riven swore immediately.
His hands came back to my waist, trying to soothe me, but it wasn’t enough anymore.
Not after the kissing.
Not after him.
“Please,” I whispered shakily. “Please make it stop.”
His entire body went still.
I could practically feel the war happening inside him.
Then finally—
He exhaled harshly.
“Okay.”
The word sounded wrecked.
He kissed me once more.
Slowly this time.
Tender enough to make my chest ache.
The pain eased slightly immediately.
“Better?” he murmured softly against my lips.
I nodded weakly.
“A little.”
His eyes searched mine for a second before he swallowed hard.
Then quietly—
“I’ll help you come.”
Heat flooded my entire body instantly.
“This should ease the pain,” he continued roughly. “But after that, you sleep. Okay?”
I nodded again because I physically couldn’t form words anymore.
Riven’s hand slid slowly down my body.
Over my waist.
My hip.
Then lower.
My breathing turned uneven instantly as his fingers disappeared beneath the hem of my dress.
Slow.
Careful.
Like he was trying not to scare me despite the fact that his own control looked dangerously thin now.
His hand slipped between my thighs.
I trembled immediately.
Then his fingers brushed lightly against me through my panties.
A broken sound escaped me before I could stop it.
Riven’s jaw flexed visibly.
“The pain?” he asked roughly.
“Gone.”
The word came out almost breathless.
“Good.”
His fingers pushed my panties aside and brushed my clit, I gasped, and he moved again.
Slow circles at first.
Gentle enough to make my entire body tense with anticipation.
I grabbed his shoulders immediately, struggling to breathe while pleasure sparked hotter and hotter beneath his touch.
“Oh my God…”
“Easy,” he murmured quietly. “I’m here.”
The reassurance alone almost shattered me.
Because no one had ever touched me before.
No one.
And somehow Riven already touched me like he knew exactly how to undo me.
Every movement became more deliberate.
More confident.
The pressure building inside me tightened rapidly until my thighs shook around his hand.
I buried my face against his neck, overwhelmed by how good it felt.
Too good.
“I can’t,” I whispered desperately.
“You can.”
His voice dropped lower.
“It’s okay. Let go.”
Then he kissed me again just as his hand moved perfectly against me—
And everything snapped.
Pleasure crashed through me so violently I cried out against his mouth.
My whole body convulsed beneath him while wave after wave rolled through me endlessly, overwhelming and hot and impossible to survive quietly.
Riven held me through all of it.
One arm around my waist.
The other steady against my thigh.
Keeping me together while I fell apart.
My breathing turned ragged.
My body trembling uncontrollably.
And through it all—
The pain was gone.
Completely gone.
Riven brushed his lips softly against my temple once my shaking finally eased.
Then again against my forehead.
His breathing still uneven.
“Sleep now,” he murmured quietly.
One large hand slid slowly through my hair.
Safe.
Gentle.
“Just sleep.”
I didn’t remember falling asleep.
I only remembered him.
His hands in my hair.
His voice against my temple.
The warmth wrapped around me after days of agony.
And maybe that was why waking up hurt so much.
Because for one perfect moment, I forgot this wasn’t real.
I woke slowly, still half tangled in sleep, and immediately realized I was trapped beneath him.
Not trapped in a bad way.
Trapped in a way that made my entire body melt.
Riven surrounded me completely.
One of his massive arms was tucked beneath my head, my cheek resting against the hard curve of his bicep like it belonged there. The other arm wrapped tightly around my waist, holding me against his chest even in sleep.
His legs were tangled with mine.
My back pressed fully against the front of his body.
Warm.
Heavy.
Safe.
God.
A tiny breath escaped me before I could stop it.
And then—
I felt him.
Hard against me.
My entire body reacted instantly.
Heat bloomed low in my stomach while instinctively, sleepily, I shifted backward just slightly against him.
A rough sound left his throat immediately.
“Stop.”
The word came out strained.
Still half asleep.
I blinked slowly before turning carefully in his arms.
His eyes were open now.
Dark.
Tired.
Watching me too intensely.
But he still hadn’t let me go.
“It’s okay,” I whispered softly.
Because it was okay.
Wasn’t it?
After last night—
After the way he kissed me—
After the way he held me—
I gathered a tiny bit of courage before I lost it.
Slowly, hesitantly, I slid my hand downward between us.
Toward him.
Riven caught my wrist instantly.
Fast enough to make me gasp.
Then suddenly both my wrists were pinned gently above my head against the mattress.
“No.”
The word hit harder this time.
Sharp.
Final.
I froze.
Shock burned through me first.
Then humiliation.
My eyes stung before I could stop them.
Riven saw it immediately.
His entire expression tightened.
“Amara…”
I looked away.
He cursed softly under his breath before letting go of my wrists immediately.
“It’s not you,” he said roughly.
I laughed once, broken and small.
“That usually means it is.”
“No.” His voice sharpened instantly. “No, it’s not.”
I finally looked back at him then.
And for the first time since I met him—
Riven looked almost desperate.
“There’s something bigger than this,” he said quietly. “Bigger than you. Bigger than what I want.”
My chest tightened painfully.
“The fact that I can’t…” He swallowed harshly. “It has nothing to do with you.”
His eyes dropped briefly like even saying this hurt him.
“I almost lost control with you last night.”
The confession made my breath catch.
Riven closed his eyes for one second before continuing.
“You’re beautiful. You’re tempting. And I…” His jaw flexed. “Fuck, Amara, I can barely think around you.”
Every word wrapped around my chest painfully.
“Then why?” I whispered.
His expression hardened immediately again.
Because that wall always came back.
“Because I can’t,” he said simply.
Not cold.
Not cruel.
Just… absolute.
And somehow that hurt even worse.
He sat up slowly then.
Creating distance between us.
The warmth disappeared instantly.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.
Then he left.
Just like that.
The door shut behind him softly.
And I broke.
I cried harder than I wanted to admit.
Not dramatic sobbing.
Just silent tears that wouldn’t stop no matter how angry I got at myself.
Eventually exhaustion won again.
I cleaned my face.
Straightened my clothes.
Forced myself out of his room.
I almost made it back to mine before Lyra found me.
One look at my face and her expression dropped instantly.
“Oh no.”
“I’m fine.”
“That’s a lie.”
I kept walking.
Lyra caught my wrist gently.
“It was him?”
I closed my eyes briefly.
Damn her for being kind.
“It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.”
I laughed bitterly under my breath.
“He said it wasn’t me,” I muttered quietly. “That it’s something with him.”
Lyra went still.
And suddenly I knew she understood exactly what he meant.
Which somehow made everything worse.
She sighed softly before stepping closer.
“Amara… believe me.” Her voice gentled. “It really isn’t you.”
I wiped angrily at my face.
“That doesn’t exactly make me feel better.”
“I know.”
Her hesitation told me there was more.
A secret.
Something bigger.
But she wouldn’t say it.
“It just…” She struggled for words. “Riven isn’t available in the way you want him to be.”
The ache in my chest deepened.
“And he’s not your mate,” she added softly. “If he were, you would’ve known long before now.”
I nodded once even though the words hurt.
Because logically—
I already knew that.
The next hours were miserable.
I tried working.
Really tried.
At first it almost helped.
The mine reports distracted me enough to stabilize the newest extraction adjustments, and Michael excitedly spent nearly an hour discussing purification efficiency with me while I forced myself to focus.
But eventually—
My mind drifted again.
Back to Riven’s bed.
His voice.
His hands.
The way he held me all night like instinct had taken over in sleep.
And embarrassingly—
The memory alone made heat coil low in my stomach again.
I hated myself for it.
By afternoon the pain returned fully.
Worse this time.
Sharper.
I trained until my muscles shook.
Worked until my vision blurred.
Ran until breathing hurt.
Nothing helped.
Nothing except him.
And I refused to ask for him again.
So instead I locked myself in my room.
Took another freezing shower.
Curled on my bed while agony twisted hotter and hotter beneath my skin.
By evening I couldn’t even make myself go to dinner.
The pain had become unbearable again.
My skin burned.
My body ached constantly.
Every breath felt wrong.
I curled tighter against the sheets, trying not to cry out as another wave hit me.
God—
It hurt.
A knock sounded faintly at the door.
I barely reacted.
Then the door opened.
“Amara?”
Lyra.
She crossed the room quickly the second she saw me.
And immediately her expression changed from concern to alarm.
“Oh my God.”
I couldn’t answer.
Another sharp wave tore through me and a broken sound escaped my throat before I could stop it.
Lyra touched my forehead.
I heard her swear softly.
My skin must’ve been burning.
“Amara, look at me.”
I tried.
Really.
But the pain was too much now.
I curled tighter, trembling while tears blurred my vision again.
Lyra’s voice became distant suddenly.
Urgent.
“Get Riven.”
No.
No no no.
Panic hit me instantly.
But before I could protest—
He walked in.
And the second he did—
Relief crashed through me so hard I almost sobbed from it.
The pain eased immediately.
Not gone.
But enough to breathe again.
And I hated it.
God, I hated it.
Tears spilled harder down my face as I turned away.
“I don’t want him here.”
Riven ignored that completely.
“If you’re in pain and I can ease it, then stop being stubborn.”
“I don’t want your help.”
The words came out shaking.
Hurt.
His jaw tightened instantly.
“You’re in my pack,” he said evenly. “I make the decisions here.”
Then before I could argue—
He lifted me into his arms.
A startled sound escaped me automatically as my body immediately relaxed against him despite my anger.
Because being held by him felt so unbelievably good.
Warm.
Safe.
Relieving.
I hated that too.
Riven adjusted me higher against his chest before looking toward Lyra.
“I’ll deal with this.”
Something passed between them silently.
Something I didn’t understand.
Then he carried me from the room.
Straight back toward his.