Chapter 17
POV: Amara
“I thought you told me to come to you.”
My voice cracked on the words.
Riven stayed behind his desk, shoulders tense enough to look painful, his blue eyes fixed somewhere over my shoulder instead of on me.
“I know what I told you.”
“Then what changed?”
Silence.
That awful, heavy silence.
I stared at him, waiting for something else. An explanation. A reason. Anything that made this make sense.
Instead, he just said, “You should leave, Amara.”
The words hit harder the second time.
I laughed once, sharp and breathless, because I genuinely did not know what else to do.
“You think this is easy for me?”
Finally, his eyes snapped to mine.
I pointed toward myself helplessly, anger and humiliation burning together inside my chest.
“I came here as some kind of political trade between packs. I got thrown into a territory ten times bigger than mine, trying to prove myself every second.” My voice shook. “Then my heat suddenly comes all at once after being late for years, and the only person who can help me through it is the fucking alpha of the pack.”
Pain tightened his jaw instantly.
But I was too hurt to stop.
“You don’t think that’s humiliating for me?” I whispered. “You don’t think I hate needing someone this much?”
His hands clenched into fists at his sides.
“But after everything…” My throat tightened painfully. “After last night, after you touched me and held me and told me I could come to you when I needed you…”
I swallowed hard.
“You just tell me to leave.”
Riven closed his eyes.
And somehow that hurt even more.
Because it looked like pain.
Real pain.
But he still did not stop.
“It’s for the best.”
I stared at him in disbelief.
“I don’t know who it’s best for,” I said quietly. “But it’s not for me.”
His breathing roughened.
For one horrible second, I thought he would finally explain.
Finally say something that made this feel less cruel.
Instead, he turned his face away from me again.
And that was it.
That was my answer.
So I left.
I did not say goodbye to Lyra or Joseph or Guinevere.
I could not.
My bags were already packed and waiting beside the transport vehicle, like he had planned this before even calling me into his office.
That part hurt too.
The ride back to Ironclaw territory blurred together in silence.
I spent most of it staring out the window while my chest ached so badly it felt physical.
At first, I told myself distance would help.
That once I was away from him, my body would finally calm down.
And it did.
A little.
The heat no longer clawed at me with the same violent desperation it had inside Oak territory.
But it was not gone.
That was the terrifying part.
It still lived under my skin like a fever.
Still pulsed low in my belly every time I thought about him.
And unfortunately, I could not stop thinking about him.
That first night back home, I dreamed about him again.
About his mouth.
His hands.
The way his voice sounded rough when he whispered my name against my skin.
I woke up tangled in my sheets, aching so badly I nearly cried from frustration.
The next morning was worse.
I could not focus.
Could not work.
Every time I tried to read reports or organize research notes, my thoughts circled back to him.
To his eyes.
To his touch.
To the way he had looked at me before telling me to leave.
Like it hurt him too.
That somehow made everything worse.
By afternoon, desperation had hollowed me out enough to do something stupid.
Timothy was one of the guards from my territory. Sweet. Funny. Patient. He had flirted with me for years in that harmless way everyone assumed I ignored because I was too focused on work.
Maybe I should have wanted him.
Maybe my body just needed someone.
Anyone.
I found him near the training grounds.
He smiled the second he saw me. “Amara.”
“I need you to do something for me.”
His expression shifted immediately. “Okay?”
I stepped closer before I could lose my nerve.
Then the words left my mouth in one humiliating rush.
“Just kiss me.”
Timothy blinked hard. “What?”
“I just…” My face burned alive. “I need to test something.”
Concern crossed his face instantly, but he nodded slowly anyway.
“Okay.”
He touched my cheek gently before kissing me.
Soft.
Warm.
Careful.
And absolutely nothing happened.
No relief.
No pleasure.
No release.
No spark.
I felt the kiss physically, but my body stayed empty and restless beneath my skin.
Because he was not Riven.
The realization nearly destroyed me.
I pulled back so fast Timothy looked startled.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered immediately.
“Amara—”
But I was already leaving.
By evening, panic had fully settled in.
I went straight to the hospital.
Dr. Howard looked up in surprise when I burst into his office looking half-insane.
“I need something stronger.”
His brows furrowed instantly. “Stronger than what?”
“Anything.” My voice cracked. “Sedatives. Suppressant medication. I don’t care anymore.”
Concern replaced confusion on his face quickly.
“Amara, sit down.”
“I can’t fucking sit down,” I snapped, then immediately pressed a hand over my eyes. “Sorry. I’m sorry.”
He guided me into a chair anyway.
After examining me for less than five minutes, his expression turned grim.
“The suppressants aren’t working?”
I laughed weakly.
“They’re barely touching it.”
“And sleeping medication?”
“Only if I take enough to knock out a horse.”
He sighed heavily.
Then he said the one thing I absolutely did not want to hear.
“If this keeps escalating, the only facility in the region equipped to safely sedate you long-term is Oak territory.”
My entire body locked.
“No.”
“Amara—”
“I would rather die than go back there.”
The words came out instantly.
Raw.
Honest.
Dr. Howard’s face softened with sympathy.
But sympathy did not help.
Nothing helped.
“I’m sorry,” he said quietly. “But there’s very little I can do. Your heat is already too advanced.”
I stared at the floor while despair crawled through me inch by inch.
He prescribed stronger sleeping pills anyway.
Said they might help me rest between the worst waves.
But when he handed me the bottle, his expression stayed careful.
“They won’t work once the moon ball begins,” he admitted softly. “Your instincts will override the sedation.”
Cold dread flooded my stomach.
Because the moon ball was only days away.
And if this was how badly I was already hurting…
I could not even imagine what was coming next.
The sleeping pills made me heavy.
Slow.
Numb around the edges.
But the heat was still there.
Still crawling under my skin like something alive.
Still twisting low in my belly every time my thoughts drifted toward him—which was constantly.
My wolf was desperate.
Restless.
She paced endlessly inside me, whining and clawing toward one single thing.
Riven.
Every instinct inside me searched for him like my body had forgotten how to want anything else.
Usually, I loved the moon ball.
Every year, I spent days choosing dresses. Jewelry. Shoes. Even when my heat never came, even when I stood through every celebration feeling disconnected from the frenzy around me, I still loved it.
The music.
The lights.
The hope.
But this year?
Nothing mattered.
The dress hanging on my closet door stayed untouched.
I did not care anymore.
I was too busy trying to survive.
The morning of the moon ball, I threw on simple black pants and a loose blouse because even fabric against my skin felt unbearable.
One of my friends, Samantha, stopped in the hallway and stared at me in disbelief.
“Amara, it’s the moon ball.”
“I know.”
“That’s what you’re wearing?”
“I don’t care.”
And I meant it.
Because every second closer to sunset made the heat worse.
By the time the celebration officially began, I was barely holding myself together.
Music echoed through the territory.
Wolves laughed and flirted and danced beneath glowing lanterns while instinct rolled through the air thick and intoxicating.
Usually, this was the night wolves found their mates.
Usually, this was the night destiny clicked into place.
And deep down, I knew.
I knew my body had awakened this violently because my mate had to be here somewhere.
But every time I tried to imagine another man touching me instead of Riven, nausea twisted hard enough to make my stomach turn.
There was no room inside me for anyone else anymore.
That realization terrified me.
So I drank.
Too much.
Too fast.
Whiskey burned down my throat while I stood near the edge of the celebration trying not to fall apart.
I just needed the ache to dull for one second.
One second.
Then suddenly—
Something sparked.
My entire body froze.
Heat exploded through me violently enough that I almost dropped the glass in my hand.
For one wild, desperate second, hope crashed through me.
Mate.
My mate was here.
My eyes darted across the crowd instantly, heart pounding so hard it hurt.
I searched every face around me—
—but the only thing I saw was Riven.
Clear as daylight.
My breath caught.
No.
Everything inside me snapped.
My wolf did not even hesitate.
She surged forward with a force so overwhelming I gasped.
Brown fur burst across my skin.
Bones shifted.
The world tilted violently—
—and suddenly I was running.
My wolf tore through the forest like she had lost her fucking mind.
Branches whipped past us while instinct screamed louder than thought.
Because now she knew.
Now we both knew.
Riven was my mate.