Chapter Nine #4
Maybe a nice evening out. Say, dinner at Satterfield’s…
And then what? Ask her to marry him over the crème br?lée?
He dropped to the sofa. His options in the near future were limited. And Satterfield’s did sound better than at her place over chili.
He grabbed his phone and called her.
She picked up on the first ring and asked, “Are you on your way?”
His throat had locked up. He gave a ridiculous cough to clear the tightness and then asked, “How about I see if we can still get a table at Satterfield’s?”
She laughed. “Tonight?”
“Well, uh, yeah…”
“What? You don’t like my chili?”
He could hear the smile in her voice and knew she was teasing him.“I love your chili. I just thought, you know…”
“What?”
“How about a nice Saturday night out for once?”
“Hmm…”
“Not in the mood for Satterfield’s huh?”
“Hey. I’m in my third trimester. Last night, I drove to Buffalo Butte and back.
While I was there, I irrigated, dressed and immobilized a compound tibial fracture.
Then back here at home, the hottest guy I’ve ever known kept me up past my bedtime—and no, I’m not complaining that we stayed up late last night.
It was worth it. But tonight, I just want to hang around the house and go to bed early, preferably with you.
” She laughed again, the throaty sound making him want to reach through the phone and gather her close.
She went on, “Right now, I’m in my old, ratty sweats and all I want is you, my kitties, a bowl of chili and maybe to check out what’s on Hulu.”
By then, he was smiling, too. “Twenty minutes, I’m there.”
* * *
As soon as he walked in the door, Kenzie knew something was up.
For the next couple of hours, as they played with Tom and Ed, chowed down on chili and watched an ancient Clint Eastwood movie, she kept thinking, Whatever it is, he’s going to tell me any minute now. But he didn’t.
She kept catching him watching her, the strangest look on his face. As though he had something to say and was right on the verge of saying it—and then, at the last possible second, for some unknowable reason, he changed his mind.
Finally, after the movie and the popcorn, after the cats had curled up together in their bed by the fireplace, she couldn’t stand it anymore.
They were sitting on the sofa. He had an arm around her. She’d drawn her legs up the side and put her head on his shoulder.
“Whatever it is you have on your mind,” she said softly, tipping her face up to look in his eyes, “it can’t be that bad. You should just tell me.”
He kissed her, a light kiss, tender and so very sweet—and why was it that she just couldn’t read him tonight?
He looked…worried, somehow. Even a little bit scared.
Finn Monahan never looked scared.
“Talk to me,” she said, lifting her head to face him directly. Was he ill? Had he gotten bad news about Sean? “Finn. Please…”
He leaned close and kissed her. “Don’t move. I’ll be right back.”
Without another word, he jumped up and headed for the door. She watched him reach into the pocket of his team jacket, which was hooked on the coatrack there. When he pulled his hand out, he had something in his fist.
She stared, bewildered, as he came back to her. When he reached her, he pushed the coffee table away from the sofa.
“What in the…?” She let the question die unfinished as he dropped to one knee in front of her.
That was when she saw that he held a black velvet box in his hand.
Carefully, he lifted the lid and took out the most perfect ring she’d ever seen—antique gold with a beautiful, glittering round diamond rimmed in gold.
A ring that seemed made just for her, the kind she could wear without fear it would get in the way while she took care of a patient.
Her heart pounded so hard she couldn’t hear herself think. “Finn, I—”
“Marry me, Kenzie. Give me one more chance to be the man that you deserve. Let me take care of you and the baby. Let me be there for you. With you. For the rest of our lives. I know I messed up bad all those years ago, but I—”
“No.”
He blinked. “What?”
“I, uh… Well, Finn, first of all, that’s not true.”
He looked so bewildered. “What’s not true?”
“You didn’t do anything bad all those years ago. We were so young. You didn’t mess up. You were there for me, you stuck right by me until—”
“Don’t try to sugarcoat it. I did mess up.
You were everything to me and I left you, anyway.
” He held her gaze. “And I’ve always regretted that.
Always wished I’d been a better man, a stronger man—and Kenzie, I will be better now, stronger now.
I swear to you, I won’t walk away, not ever again.
I will always be right here beside you. I will be here for you and for the baby, if only you’ll say yes.
” He took her hand then and he said, “Marry me, Kenzie. Be my wife.”
She stared down at him, as her heart cried, Yes! Yes, I will marry you, Finn. Just name the day!
The truth was suddenly crystal clear to her. She could see it there, in his eyes. Feel it in her own tender heart.
She loved him, still, after all these years. And he loved her, too.
But their love wasn’t what mattered. No.
Her baby was what mattered.
A child needed stability, needed a parent or parents she could count on. Looking at Finn now, knowing the strong, determined man he’d grown up to be…
She believed him. She trusted him to keep his word, to stay with her, never to walk away.
Yes, he’d left her before. But she honestly didn’t blame him for leaving back then. He’d needed to go. And she’d needed more care and understanding than he could give her back then.
Now, though…
If she believed him now, married him, built a life with him, gave her trust again completely, loved him with all her heart and then someday, as Tate had, he realized he wanted a fresh start and left her and her little girl behind…
No. She couldn’t take that chance. Not now. Not with her baby’s tender heart to consider.
Gently, she pulled her hand free of his hold. “I can’t, Finn. I’m sorry. I meant what I said. I’m not getting married again.”
He closed his eyes, drew a slow, shaky breath. “Just…think it over, won’t you? Just give yourself time to—”
“No. Please believe me when I tell you my mind is made up and my choice won’t change.”
There was an awful, empty silence. Finally, he asked, “Are you sure?”
“Yes, I’m sure. I won’t marry you, Finn. And I won’t change my mind about that.”
“Aw, Kenz…” He looked so sad, so…sorry, somehow. “You can’t let yourself trust me, can you?”
She looked down at her tightly folded hands. “I’m so sorry. But you’re right. I just can’t.”
There was a silence, several awful seconds of emptiness.
Finally, he spoke. “Fair enough.” He returned that perfect ring to its little velvet box, swept to his feet and headed for the door.
When he got there, he put on his jacket and hat. Then, taking care to shut the door quietly behind him, he left. A minute later, she heard his crew cab start up and drive away.