Chapter Sixteen
As Jesse pulled away from her much later, Carly did her best to control her rapid breath. She stared at the ceiling, trying to get her reeling emotions under control. She’d give him this—he definitely kept his guarantee.
She stretched, her body aching delectably in all the right spots. “Wow, if that’s what you’re like when you’re trying to be a gentleman, I can’t wait to see what you’re like when you’re not.”
He didn’t say anything, and her head angled toward him. His chest was rising as fast as hers was. The moonlight shone through the windows, highlighting his face. It was more serious than she’d ever seen it. Carly bit her lip.
“Are you, um, are you okay over there?” she asked, tentative. After their open communication earlier, she’d expected something—jokes, tender confessions of love—anything but the uncomfortable silence that was building between them.
“Yeah…” He pushed back the sheets and sat up. “Can I use your bathroom?”
“Sure,” she said, pointing to the closed door across the room.
Jesse got out of bed, his firm naked backside on full display.
She couldn’t appreciate it like she wanted to, not with her stomach twisting in knots.
Was he regretting what they’d done? A chill that had nothing to do with the fall night had her shivering.
She reached down and pulled the sheets back up so that they covered her exposed breasts.
She turned on her side so she faced the bedroom door, away from where he disappeared.
She counted the minutes on the clock, waiting for him to return.
The sound of the faucet turning on and water running filled the tense silence of the room.
It took ten minutes before the door finally cracked open again with a quiet squeak.
She immediately shut her eyes and took even breaths so that he would think that she had fallen asleep.
After experiencing such pure magic with this man, the night had suddenly soured, and she wanted nothing more than to cry.
“Carly?” he whispered her name. She didn’t answer. He could wait until the morning to tell her it was a mistake.
She half expected him to gather his clothes and sneak out of her room.
Instead, she felt the sheets lift off of her slightly and the mattress dip as he climbed into bed next to her.
The heat of him soon warmed the sheets, taking away some of the chill she’d experienced at his abrupt departure.
She felt him turn and wondered if he was facing her way or had his back to her.
Was he staring at her, his face full of regret? She didn’t look.
Her own tormented question was soon answered when she felt the light brush of his fingers tracing down her spine.
He let out a quiet sigh and turned again.
When she heard his breath even out, she buried her head in her pillow.
A couple of tears seeped out, and she wiped them away with the edge of her pillowcase.
Thankfully, her lids grew heavier and she eventually fell asleep.
* * *
When Carly woke the next morning, Jesse was gone.
She reached across the mattress where he’d slept.
The sheets were cool. The only sign that he’d slept next to her was the slight indent on the pillow.
She tried not to let the fact that he’d left without telling her goodbye get to her, or her doubts plague her like they always did.
She was Carly-freaking-Hawkins. Her happiness did not depend on how a man treated her.
Then why did she feel so terrible?
Because…being abandoned triggered trauma from her youth that she just couldn’t seem to let go, no matter how successful she’d become.
There could very well be a good reason that Jesse left her at the crack of dawn.
Maybe he’d received a message that Oscar hadn’t done as well as they’d all hoped, and he’d had to run out to help his son.
Perhaps Grayson needed him for something.
There could be a million and one reasons that Jesse had to leave this morning, other than the worst-case scenario.
She grabbed fresh clothes and went into the bathroom.
As she stood under the warm water, she tried to focus on what she needed to do for the day.
But her mind kept going back to the night before.
Jesse had told her that he didn’t want to end things with her.
She knew he meant it, and she felt confident that they were on the same page there.
What she hadn’t realized until last night was that their problem wasn’t her paranoia that Jesse would abandon her like half the people in her life had.
No…their problem was that Jesse might not have any room for her inside his broken heart, and maybe he’d realized that after sleeping with her.
And if that was the case, would he ever?
As she wiped the steam from the mirror, she stared at her blurry reflection. What had MaryBeth looked like? Been like? She had to be amazing considering what a good kid Oscar was, though Jesse deserved a lot of credit for that as well. Carly knew he’d never accept it.
But…what if Jesse had pretended that she was his beloved wife last night, and when he woke up this morning and saw her instead, he was given a reality shock?
She winced at that. No. No matter how many despairing thoughts she had about last night and herself at the moment, she couldn’t and wouldn’t believe that he was that crass.
“You need to pull yourself together,” she muttered to her reflection. “You’ve been through a lot of worse things than a broken heart. And you don’t even know if you have a reason to feel this way yet.”
Once she got her bearings and insecurities under control, she’d follow up with Jesse and figure out exactly what had happened the previous night.
She got dressed and was in the middle of pulling her still-damp hair into a bun when she heard a knock on the door. She half hoped it was Jesse. It wasn’t.
A familiar woman stood on her porch. Behind her in the driveway was a delivery truck with flowers painted on the side. Underneath the flowers were the words Tiffany in Bloom.
“Tiffany, hello!” Carly said, forcing a smile to her lips. She had only met Tiffany Brandt a couple of times through her cousin Remi. Tiffany was engaged to Ellis Corey, brother to Remi’s fiancé, Shane. The two brothers were close, which was why the four had decided to have a joint wedding.
“Hi, Carly,” Tiffany responded. “The house is looking good.”
“Thanks,” she replied. “Most of it came move-in ready, thank goodness, but I’m still working on the rest of the property. How are you doing? Getting excited for the wedding?”
“More so excited to marry Ellis.” She laughed. “The florist for the wedding is being a bridezilla wanting perfection.”
Despite her mood, Carly smiled at that, knowing full well that Tiffany was doing the flowers.
“Honestly,” Tiffany continued, “I think I might be driving Remi insane. I found her pacing the other day, muttering something about yellow daffodils.”
Carly did laugh at that, remembering the day she’d taken Remi with her to get Jesse a pie. Her cousin had been frayed then as well.
“Maybe you should take over flower duty completely,” Carly suggested. “To be honest, I don’t think Remi knows that much about which flowers look good with what.”
Tiffany nodded, though she looked concerned. “I just want everything to be perfect. I don’t want Remi to think I ruined her wedding because I picked the wrong color.”
“She won’t,” Carly assured her. “Maybe you two can decide on another task she can take over on while you deal with the flowers.”
Tiffany brightened. “We do still need to pick out our dinner settings for the reception.”
“There you go, then. That sounds right up Remi’s alley.” She smiled before tilting her head. “Well, as pleased as I am to see you, what brings you to this neck of the woods?”
“Oh!” Tiffany said, remembering why she was there. She reached into the crate she was carrying and pulled out a vase of gorgeous pink roses. “Special delivery for you.”
“Wow,” Carly murmured, taking in the perfection of the dewy petals. “These are beautiful.”
Tiffany wiggled her eyebrows. “Someone must really like you, huh?”
Carly pulled the flowers close to her chest and breathed them in, taking a moment to appreciate their scent. “Thank you so much.”
She didn’t comment on Tiffany’s hint for information. The florist had to already know who the flowers were from.
They said their goodbyes, and Carly went back into the kitchen.
She noticed that the pizza box from the night before was on top of her garbage container and that their empty bottle and can were in her sink.
A little lump formed in Carly’s throat realizing that Jesse must have cleaned up a little while she was sleeping.
She put the flowers on the table, running a finger over the silken petals. She searched for a card and noticed one buried between the green leaves. Pulling it off its plastic stem, Carly read the message.
I didn’t want to wake you, but I had to pick up Oscar. Thank you for the amazing night. I’ll call you later today. Jesse.
Then he’d drawn three hearts after his name.
Carly’s mouth broke into a smile as she traced one with the tip of her fingernail.
She felt silly for letting her imagination run away with her earlier, when a part of her brain had been loudly shouting that there was a reasonable explanation as to why he’d left so early.
She ran her thumb over the tiny heart Jesse had drawn next to his name.
She knew she’d probably analyze what it meant for the rest of the day.
Her earlier confusion and hurt at his abrupt departure that morning ebbed slightly, though she couldn’t help but feel a little out of sorts at how he’d acted right after they’d shared such a pleasurable moment together.
Carly needed to clear her head, so she grabbed her coat and headed for the barn to feed Nieve and clean his stall. Once they were through, she led him out into the rebuilt paddock so that he could graze and get his morning exercise.
As she stood along the fence, watching him, he sauntered over to her and gently nudged her arm.
“Hello, my handsome boy,” she murmured against his soft forehead. “We should go for a ride later—what do you think?”
He whinnied in response before he trotted back over to a patch of grass.
Carly left him to it. As she walked back to the barn, she breathed in the fresh cool air.
The leaves were starting to change, leaving the homestead looking like nature had painted it in bright shades of red, yellow, and orange.
No matter how conflicted she’d felt over the decisions she’d made in recent months, she would never regret buying this property.
She looked at the large patch of cement next to the barn. She assumed that the previous owners had used the space for horse trailers or equipment at some point. She stood on it and looked down at the hard surface beneath her feet.
She thought back to what her father had said all those weeks ago. Wouldn’t this be the ideal spot for her office? It’d be close to the barn and the perfect place to greet students if she opened her program.
Carly could almost picture the kids being bussed in from whatever foster system they were currently in.
She wondered if, as she had that first time, they’d look at the horses with excitement, a little fear, and the feeling that her life would never be the same again because she’d been given a taste of freedom.
That no matter what happened next for her, she’d always have that memory, and no one could ever take it away from her.
She wanted to do that for someone who was as lost as she’d once been. Could she do it though? Would she succeed at giving a child that feeling she’d had the first time her dad put her on a horse?
She wouldn’t know unless she tried. But that meant…she had to let go of another part of her life.
A lick of excitement danced through her as she thought back to her vision of what she wanted to do with the property.
She had the permits ready to go, contacts had been made to the different horse rescues.
Amy’s husband had put her in contact with some local contractors that he knew.
If she did want to move forward with things, she had referrals she could call.
What was she waiting for? Doing the rodeo circuit was her job, something she did to give her financial security. The school was her dream. She had the means to do it. She just needed the gumption.
Taking a deep breath, she sent the contractor a text. And then…she called Dex.