19. Chapter 19
S leep was not going to come, and neither was she.
It was because Zephyr had been spoiled. Neil had spoiled her.
When she tried to get the job done herself, her fingers failed her.
She kept losing her focus, imagining how much better it would feel if it was Neil between her legs instead.
Zephyr laid on her back, glared at her bedroom ceiling, and was about to throw in the towel when her doorbell rang.
She sat up quickly, her heart pounding. Was it Jaxon at her door? Should she pretend she wasn’t home? Should she throw rocks down on her porch? No, she didn’t have any rocks in her bedroom. Just a pile of unfolded laundry.
Her phone vibrated. She peered at the unknown number suspiciously until she read the text.
Levina gave me your number. It’s Neil. I’m outside.
Oh, Levina was definitely going to complain about this next time Zephyr saw her. She could only imagine how awkward Neil had acted while asking his niece for Zephyr’s cell.
Zephyr padded downstairs, ducking under Dale who was flying a loop around the first floor and listening to the 80’s rock he had somehow convinced her to play at full volume. She smoothed her hair before opening the front door and stepping out onto the porch.
Where Neil was prying up one of the boards of her deck.
“Hi,” she said loudly.
“This is rotted.” Neil tossed the board into her overgrown grass. He stood, brushing off his pants, and scratched the back of his neck. “Hi.”
“Hi,” she repeated. “You know, my shower drain is a little slow. Can you…?”
He took a step forward before he stopped. “That was a joke.”
“Yeah,” she confirmed. “I mean, it is draining slow. But that’s a problem for another day.”
It was rare to see him outside of his work clothes. He wore a green flannel shirt tonight, and it really wasn’t fair how well the color looked on redheads. “I was trying to give you some space, but something concerning happened,” he revealed.
She froze as Neil pulled a letter out of his back pocket. He silently passed it over to her, and she scanned the writing beneath her flickering porchlight. Bile threatened to climb up her throat.
There were many upsetting things within the letter, but most of all was the signature line. Her name was written in a rather spot-on mimicry of her own signature.
“I didn’t write this, Neil. I swear .”
“I know.”
She wanted to cry at his trust but blinked away the tears before they could truly begin. “Of course, you know.” If she hadn’t gotten Hattie to scold her mailbag about hiding concerning letters, Neil might not have received the letter at all.
“Last year, I bought Levina one of your posters, signed, and got an hour-long lecture on how to tell your actual signature from a knockoff. And,” he said, shifting his weight from foot to foot, “Hattie had one of our Potions projects stored away. I compared them, and this handwriting is too neat to be yours.”
“You kept our class projects?”
“ Hattie kept them. But she’s almost a hoarder, so don’t feel flattered.”
“Aw, you really are stalking me.”
His voice deepened, as if begging her to be serious.
“That letter said you were a racer, and this was goodbye. That you knew where you belonged. It told me to stay away. And I was staying away, but it was because I wanted to give you the space to make your decision, whatever that may be. But he sent this.”
She felt somehow responsible for Jaxon’s machinations. “His career depends on my return,” she explained. “I’m sorry—”
“Don’t apologize for him. I just wanted you to be aware of what he had done. He also stopped by the shop, but the letter is what I’m concerned about.”
“Jaxon’s desperate. Racing is his entire life.” She didn’t even want to think about how much this letter could have ruined for her. “Thanks for not jumping to conclusions. For digging deeper. Not everyone would have done that.”
“Not everyone has magic that can level a town if they are ruled by their emotions. And it seemed unlike you. You’ve always been honest with me. Sometimes too honest.”
Zephyr opened her door a crack. “Do you want to come in?”
“Sounds like you’re having a party in there.”
“No, that’s just Dale. I’ll turn the music down.” She walked inside, turned the volume knob down until Dale pecked at her hand, and then motioned toward the stairs. Neil followed her up to her bedroom, and then stood in the doorway, leaning against the wood.
Zephyr sat down on her bed, staring at her feet.
It was best just to get it all out at once.
Better for Neil to know her shame now. So, if Jaxon was right and Neil left when he learned the truth, it wouldn’t kill her.
Just maim her. And she had survived that once before.
“I’m not going back. I’m not racing for Blackened Salt or for anyone.
Jaxon knows that now, so he should leave soon. ”
“You’re not missing out on this opportunity because of me, right?” He drummed his fingers against the doorframe. “I’m not pushing you out the door, but I don’t want you to give up your dream for…us. It wouldn’t sit right.”
“You have nothing to do with it,” she muttered. “It’s me. I’m the problem.”
“What do you mean?”
Her magic felt distant and weak. “I can’t do it.” She felt an added weight on her mattress—Neil had taken a seat next to her. She turned away from him as she said, “I’m afraid . When you came to the Post that day, scolding me for flying too fast and too low…”
“Hells,” he whispered. “You’re afraid of heights?”
He must have remembered the cliffside where he had pulled her away from the edge. “It’s more a fear of falling,” she said with a watery laugh. “When I fly, when I try to ascend…I shake. Cry. Sometimes I throw up. Which wouldn’t exactly make great television.”
Neil’s palm rubbed her back in gentle circles. “I’m sorry.” He paused. “This explains why, when I asked you to fly over the town and not race through it, you started torturing me.”
“I never said I was perfect. I just look like I am.” She brought her knees to her chest and hugged them.
“Do you know what the worst part is? I don’t know what went wrong .
I dream of that race every night. I watch the footage from my helmet cam, and…
” She ran her hands through her hair, pulling at the ends. “I don’t lose.”
“ Zephyr ,” Neil chided her.
“It would be different if I understood, but I don’t. And I can’t fly like this.” She sneered, disgusted with herself. “Like I’m scared.”
“That’s a reasonable reaction.”
She wiped at her eyes, laughing humorlessly. “ This is why I told you I wasn’t the right coach for Levina. If she ever finds out how far I’ve fallen—”
“Then what?” He caught her chin between his thumb and forefinger, turning her to look at him.
“You think she couldn’t understand? She watched that race live, Zephyr.
Anyone with an ounce of empathy would understand.
Levina’s flying has only improved, and her attitude has, too. That’s because of you.”
“ Has her attitude improved, though?”
Neil laughed. “It’s late. What do you want to do?”
“Sleep,” she said as she yawned and stretched.
“And what would you like me to do?”
“Stay.”
He shed his clothes, keeping his soft t-shirt and boxers on, and crawled into bed with her. His arm snaked around her waist, pulling her back against him. The quiet lasted until Neil groaned, “Zephyr, I’m trying to be good. Stop wiggling against me.”
“Oh, I’m doing that on purpose.”
“Then I won’t be good.”