45. Cooper
45
Cooper
W hen we land we say our goodbyes and I grab our bags. Shoving them into the trunk of my car that’s been waiting for us in long term parking.
I’m lucky it didn’t get towed.
Closing the hatch I hop in the driver’s seat, heading towards the exit and out the gate. After paying an insane over stay parking fee we finally hit the road.
“We’re almost there, zhena. Anything you want to stop and pick up on our way?” I glance over and Trin looks drowsy all curled up in the passenger seat. Placing my hand on her thigh she shivers so I click the button for the seat warmer and reach in the back for a blanket she left behind before we left.
Snuggling into it she looks over at me, “Can we stop by a Dunkin? I need coffee and a Boston cream.” She smiles, knowing what I’m about to say even though it pains me to not give her anything and everything she wants.
“Trin, you know the surgeon said no caffeine. We have to wait and see what the follow-up doctor recommends.” I sigh, giving her thigh a light squeeze before driving ahead.
“Cooper, come on, a little iced oat milk caramel swirl never hurt anyone.” She pleads, giving me her best puppy dog eyes.
“Except maybe a diabetic. Come on zhena, at that point it’s not even coffee, it’s just dessert.” I tease and she huffs, folding her arms across her chest.
Reaching over I grip her chin, pulling her gaze from the window to look at me, “What about decaf?” I raise a brow as she considers. After a moment she nods, wrapping herself around my arm before resting her head against my shoulder.
After two Boston creams and two hours later we are pulling into the garage at home. We stopped by the pharmacy to pick up her prescriptions and all the supplies she will need as she heals.
Thankfully, the nurse gave me a big long detailed list of instructions to care for Trin’s incision before she discharged us.
Grabbing the bag from the back seat I place it on her lap and hold up a finger silently ordering her to wait. Stepping out of the car I close the driver’s door before jogging around to the passenger side. Opening Trinia’s door she looks up at me curiously as I hold out my hand.
Slipping her hand in mine she shakes her head before grumbling, “I’m not broken. I can do it myself.”
Pulling her up to stand from the car I whisper softly against her ear. “What was that dear?”
She shudders a sigh before the word, “Nothing”, tumbles past her lips.
“That’s what I thought.” I dip down and pick her up to carry her bridal style inside and she lets out a surprised squeal before smacking my chest.
“Cooper put me down right now.” She shouts and wiggles in my arms.
“Nope. It’s tradition.”
“Really Cooper? Now you’re suddenly a traditionalist? Where were these morals when you took my virginity?” She dares with a sassy little smirk across her face.
“If I remember correctly you were the one on top so I believe it was you who took my virginity.” I remind her, moving my hand to firmly grip her ass. She gasps as her lips part. With her eyes on mine I have to remind myself that she is healing.
That I almost lost her.
Opening the front door, I carry my wife over the threshold for the first time as the smell of eucalyptus and lemon welcomes us home.
Setting Trinia on her feet she looks around before turning to ask, “Did you have someone come and clean?”
“I called in a service before we left the hospital.” I cup her face and kiss her ever so gently. It’s not enough but I turn away anyway.
“You didn’t have to do that. I’m fi…” I stop her before she can say it again. I swear something breaks inside me every time she utters those words.
“Katrinia, please. Don’t say you are fine again. I can’t hear it.” I cringe at the firmness of my own tone, taking the bag from the pharmacy out of her hands as I make my way into the kitchen. Pulling out the list of care instructions I read over them one more time before grabbing the new bandages and medical tape.
Coming around the counter I see Trin patiently watching me as she leans against the wall. I gesture towards the sofa and she pushes off, following my command.
She scoots towards the back, settling against the cushions as she lays down, making room for me to take a seat next to her. I’m suddenly struck with the realization that this will be the first time I’m seeing her incision. The first time I’m truly facing all the damage I’ve done.
I’m about to see the physical manifestation of all the pain I’ve caused her and I don’t know if I can bear it. My body vibrates with shame, guilt, and the sting of regret as I feel the delicate touch of Trinia’s hand on my knee. It was bouncing and I didn’t even realize.
“I can do this myself or I can call Willow to come by and…”
“No, I can do it. You’re my wife. I swore to always take care and protect you. I’m just sorry I didn’t do that sooner.” I close my eyes in an effort to gather the courage I need to continue on. Knowing her incision needs to be cleaned and she’s past due for fresh bandages.
“Baby, please find a way to forgive yourself. You can’t hold onto this or it’s going to eat you alive. Please just let it go. It wasn’t your fault.” She urges, now sitting up trying to meet me eye to eye.
“How am I supposed to forgive myself? Do you really forgive me? I mean you forgave me when you thought I cheated but this… Come on Trin.” I snap and her face softens against my anger.
“I don’t have to forgive you Cooper. There is nothing to forgive.” She says as tears begin to well in her eyes. “My heart might have broken for you over and over again but it’s only because I love you so much. I would rather die than live without you and my heart and soul knew that long before I did. Before I was willing to admit it, but we found our way back to each other. I don’t want to waste this second chance being full of regrets. We can’t change the past and sure it was dark and sad and lonely, but I want our future to be bright. Don’t you want to be happy with me. After all we’ve been through, don’t you think we deserve it?”
I have nothing to say. All I know is that she’s right. My time without her was the darkest period of my life, and like her I would rather die than to go back into that darkness.
I say nothing. Instead I kiss her.
I kiss her like I’ve wanted to since I saw her laying in that hospital bed.
I kiss her like I can’t breathe without her.
I kiss her like I need her.
Fisting her hair I pull her closer, swallowing her moan. The sound vibrates my lips and goes straight to my groin as her hands come up and grip my shoulders.
“We have to stop.” I groan as I gently push her away.
“Why?” She pants and I wave the after care instructions with a smirk.
She rolls her eyes and lays back down.
I bring my shaking fingers up and grip the first button on her pajama top. Slowly I unbutton it and move on to the next. I feel her eyes on me, watching me, but I keep my focus on pulling the pearl buttons from the silk slips.
We’re both nervous but when I get to the final button I spread her shirt wide. Her peaked rosy pink nipples rest on either side of a long white bandage. She sucks in a sharp breath as my fingertips slide down the sides of her body.
“Are you scared, zhena?” I whisper, one hand gently gripping her hip while the other hovers above the bandage.
“A little. I’ve seen it and it’s not pretty.”
“You will never not be the most beautiful woman in the world to me, Katrinia.” I declare as I start to peel back the tape.
She squirms, turning her head and when the tape is off I’m met with a long stitched scar running down the valley between her breasts. The length is nearly the width of my hand. It’s smaller than I was expecting but that doesn’t make it any easier to see.
When Trinia was asleep I did what every medical professional advises you against doing and went looking for answers on the internet. I was curious but this is nowhere near as gnarly and gruesome as the images I found online.
My body stills as I take it in. I’m not even sure I’m breathing until I hear her voice.
“How bad is it? I’m sure it’s disgusting. You probably think I’m gross.” She whines shifting to cover herself.
“Don’t.” I throw out a hand to stop her. “it’s …” I pause. I can’t take my eyes off of it. “It’s strangely beautiful.”
“Beautiful!?” She scoffs. “Have you been stealing my meds? It’s ugly.” Trin tries to change my mind. Even seeming to be a bit frustrated but I’m mesmerized by this, though healing, gory scar.
“It’s not. Before you were always so… perfect. Sometimes annoyingly so. Your hair is always perfect, even in the rain. Your skin is perfect. I love the freckles across your nose even though you try to cover them with makeup. Your body? Obviously perfect because it was made for me. You are so loving and kind, more so when faced with all the ugliness in the world. Making your personality perfect. Even the style of the clothes you wear. They would look grunge and messy on someone else but on you…?” I take a breath trying to get a grasp on my thoughts.
“This scar would look hideous on anyone else but somehow on you it looks perfect. You wear all of your thoughts, emotions, and struggles with such grace, Trin. It’s almost like this is meant to be here, because on anyone else it wouldn’t be so…” My words trail off as I run a finger along the edge, careful not to touch the stitches.
“Perfect?” She questions with a smirk and a doubtful look that is basically calling me a madman.
“Yes!” I laugh. “I love you so much Katrinia. I swear this right here is the last time I’ll ever hurt you.” I lean down and start laying kisses around her chest.
Her fingers lace through my hair and I hear her sigh before she speaks. “Don’t make promises you can’t keep, Cooper.”
I lift my face from her chest and she winks at me, eyes dark and lips parted with lust.
“ Trin .” I groan.
Shaking my head I reach over for the items from the pharmacy, cleaning and covering her incision before buttoning up her pajamas.
“Don’t tempt me, woman.” I scold her when she runs her hands up my thighs. “Take these pain killers and go to sleep before I disobey your doctor’s orders.”