Chapter 4 #2
With a grin at me, she slipped from my arms and into the house to find a room to change in.
Goldie, noticing her frequent partner in crime, waved Liam over to join her on the slide.
Rían and I stood with our arms brushing, tempting me to accidentally bump the back of my hand into his and test his response.
As cozy as we had been this morning, I didn’t think he would mind the touch, but I sucked at reading people.
We were about to enter a tricky situation, and I couldn’t afford to make things awkward if he rejected me.
“Do you think…?” Rían forced his fingers to uncurl. “Would you mind if I held your hand?”
Afraid to show how much I wanted it, I turned it into a joke. “Protective urges getting the best of you?”
“Depends.” He extended his arm toward me. “If I say yes, will you?”
Time for a smidge of honesty. “I would have either way.”
A blinding smile stretched his cheeks, tugging on his scarred lip, and he wasted no time linking our fingers.
His hand was so much larger than mine. Warmer too.
I couldn’t remember ever doing this with a guy.
This was a thing you did when you wanted to get closer to someone. When you cared about them.
All of a sudden, my palms went damp, and I wished I hadn’t been quite so eager.
Click, click, click.
Nails on tile drew my attention to the kitchen where a light gray wolf with a white blaze over one eye padded toward us. Sloane wagged her tail, jerking her head to indicate she was on her way out.
A heartbeat later, an ear-shattering squeal ripped through the yard as Goldie set eyes on Sloane.
Faster than a blink, the little girl stood between Rían and me, an arm around each of our legs, gripping us to hold herself back from flinging her small body against the amused wolf for a cuddle session.
Trembling with eagerness, she searched our faces. “Can I pet her?”
“You’ll have to ask her.” I wiped the sweaty hairs off her forehead. “She can understand you.”
“You’re so beautiful,” Goldie gushed, sounding like an ordinary kid for a change. “Can I pet you?”
Sloane gave a sharp bark, and Goldie unleashed herself upon her fluffy target with skritches and snuggles and kisses that made me envious that Sloane’s mere existence sparked that type of unbridled happiness.
The commotion brought Liam jogging over, and he froze when he set eyes on Sloane.
“Beautiful,” he breathed, then cleared his throat. “For a giant dog, I mean.”
“Maybe step back,” I advised Goldie, releasing Rían to grip her shoulders and scoop her onto my hip.
A growl revved up the back of Sloane’s throat, and she leapt at Liam, snapping at his neck. But he caught her around the middle, squeezing her against his chest, and pinned her so she couldn’t bite him while he nuzzled into her fur.
“Who’s a good girl,” he cooed at her. “You are. You’re the good girl. Sloane’s the bestest girl.”
Rage burned in her eyes, a promise of retribution, but she was stuck.
For better or worse, Liam was now her maguri.
She couldn’t hurt him without just cause, or she would forfeit her place within the clan.
Just like an alpha could command with his voice, betas also held some ability.
A dominance that lesser dominant shifters recognized and respected, even when it resulted in a grown wolf with sharp teeth being cradled in the arms of a man whose shoes wouldn’t know what hit them come morning.
And that was if she was feeling merciful.
Sometimes shoes got filled with a hot, steaming pile of, well, that, instead.
“That was a very bad idea.” Rían folded his arms across his chest. “You know that, right?”
“This big baby?” Liam rained kisses on her quivering snout. “She’s a lamb.”
“I would say it was nice knowing you, Liam, but I haven’t known you for long, and it hasn’t been all that great for me, honestly.” I was only half kidding. “I hope you can sleep with one eye open. For the rest of your life.”
With a hard kick of her hind legs, Sloane shoved Liam back enough to wriggle free. As soon as her paws hit the ground, she bolted through the house and out the front door she must have left cracked for her escape. Which only spurred Liam on to chase after her.
“He’s in big trouble,” Goldie told us primly, sliding down my leg. “I can tell.”
Not until her feet touched down did it truly register. I had held her. On reflex. Without asking permission first. And she hadn’t batted an eye.
Until I met the Walshes, I had believed my packmates had beaten the instinct to touch others out of me.
I couldn’t shake off a lifetime of conditioning in a matter of days, and I still waffled on whether others would cringe from my outstretched hand, but I was listening more to my inner voice and less to the outer ones that had hammered doubt into my mind for so long.
“You are wise beyond your years.” I laughed under my breath. “Go show me the slide again.”
“Ana?” She took one step. “I know you’re trying to get rid of me to talk about grownup stuff, but that’s okay. I’ll call us even if you promise to go down the fireman’s pole with me next time.”
“How can I turn down a bargain like that?”
As soon as she was back with Fayne, Rían reclaimed my hand, ignoring the chill in my fingers, and guided me out of the house.
The sidewalks were empty, meaning Sloane had led Liam on a merry chase.
I found I was glad for the chance to be alone with Rían, a rare occurrence with so much demand for his time.
“Aside from the kidnapping, arrows, and my cousin, how are you enjoying your time with us?”
“I feel like I’m living in a bubble,” I confessed, struggling to explain how the sameness of Brentwood had insulated me from the worst of the fallout with the Sartoris. So far. “Like one sharp poke could burst this new life wide open.”
“What will you do if Mercer wins the challenge?”
As much as it would hurt, I had made up my mind. “Cut ties with the pack.”
“What will you do if Sartori doesn’t lose?”
The words were harder this time. The strength of his hand in mine, the certainty he would never wield it against me, reassured me I had made the right decision. “Cut ties with the pack.”
A hitch in his stride was the only indication Rían gave that he had heard me, which made me wish I had the guts to joke about whether his offer to join his clan was still good. But I couldn’t muster up the courage.
“When did you make up your mind?”
“It’s been coming on slowly ever since I met you.” I hadn’t wanted to admit that, even to myself, but the truth wouldn’t change even if I didn’t acknowledge it. “The breaking point for me was the sentinels almost killing Sloane and then Carmichael severing her pack bond to finish the job.”
“Does that mean…?” He bit down hard on the hope in his voice. “Never mind.”
Strain etched his features, along with a hint of shame. I had never met someone as self-contained as Rían. It was an admirable trait in an alpha—
No.
Hadn’t I just been nudging Sloane to stop thinking in those terms?
Rían was a magnus, soon to be my magnus.
But the bottom line was he had stoppered himself up so tightly, he reminded me of myself, in a way.
Both of us hiding our true faces, afraid of sharing the darker facets of ourselves, always feeling one misstep would send us stumbling face-first into rejection.
“I would like to become a Walsh,” I gusted out before I lost my nerve, “if you’ll have me.”
“You mean it?” He cut his eyes toward me. “You’re sure?” He glanced away. “Don’t do it for Sloane—”
“What about for you?”
Damn it. I hadn’t meant to say that. I hadn’t wanted to put him on the spot.
It wasn’t fair. He had been transparent in his goals with me since the day we met.
I was the murky one. I had no right to demand more from him while giving him less than he deserved, and my phrasing made it sound like my decision hinged on him when it didn’t. Not entirely. Not anymore.
“I won’t ask that of you.” His smile turned brittle. “I don’t have the right.”
“We’re betrothed, though.” I wanted to dig a hole and climb in because my mouth had gone rogue. “Doesn’t that give you the right?”
“No.” He slid his hand out of mine. “Honestly, I wish I hadn’t told you that part.”
Seriously, where was a shovel when you needed one? “Oh.”
“I didn’t mean it like…” He raked his fingers through his hair.
“I worry I made you feel obligated from the start. If I had kept my mouth shut instead of—” A groan ripped through him.
“But I couldn’t help myself. I had to tell you.
I wanted you to know I’m yours.” He dropped into a crouch and linked his hands behind his head.
“I still can’t help myself when it comes to you.
As you can tell. From how I’m humiliating myself but can’t get the words to stop because my mouth has a mind of its own around you. ”
“You’re the first person in my life to tell me the whole truth.
You’ve been upfront with me from the day we met.
You never made me work for it. You were just you.
Open and honest. I’ll admit I didn’t trust the big picture, but that wasn’t a reflection on you.
It just hurt too much, learning about…everything…
and it was hard accepting that I had been living a lie.
” I knelt beside him. “I’ve never had someone want me for myself, so the betrothal thing has been messing with my head too.
” I placed a hand on his broad back. “I felt like I was an obligation to you, a promise to keep—”
“Hey.”
We cranked our heads toward the voice to find Liam racing toward us with Sloane beside him.
“You found Jess that fast?” I braced on Rían’s shoulder and stood to greet them. “Impressive.”
“What happened here?” Liam slowed as he took in the scene. “You okay, Rían?”
Skirting Liam, Sloane ran straight for me, sniffing me top to bottom to ensure I wasn’t harmed either.
“I’m better than okay.” Rían brushed his fingers over his lips like he couldn’t believe what came out of his mouth. “Ana is going to become a Walsh.”
A series of sharp barks erupted from Sloane as she pranced a circle around me.
“That’s great news.” Liam, for once, looked pleased with me. “When’s the big day?”
“It’s weak of me, I know, but I want to wait until the alpha challenge is over before I cut ties for good.
” A sliver of my heart that held on to what it meant to be a Sartori refused to let me jeopardize the outcome with a visceral blow in the final hours before blood spilled in earnest. “I’m sorry for that. ”
Win or lose, Carmichael would get this one last gift from me, but that was it.
“As long as you don’t expect Sartori to walk you down the aisle.” He shrugged. “Have it whenever.”
Sucking in a sharp breath, I choked on my own spit and almost coughed up a lung.
“I meant she’s joining the pack.” Rían unfolded to his full height and patted my back. “Not the family.”
“Oh.” Liam rubbed his chin. “That’s also good news.”
Fur bristling, Sloane tossed a growl his way and licked the back of my hand in support.
“Any luck…with Jess?” I hit myself in the chest with my fist a few times. “Did…you find…her?”
“She’s running laps at Lendman Park.” He waved us on. “We can knock out our search before she finishes if we get a move on. She’ll need to head home and shower after, so we should be in the clear.”
Without warning, Sloane broke into a lope heading toward GSG. Had she not glanced over her shoulder, her tongue lolling, Liam might have chalked it up to eagerness and let it go. But she did, and he didn’t.
“Did you see that?” Liam cupped his hands around his mouth. “You can’t beat me, Furball.”
As he shot off to catch up, Rían reclaimed my hand, and his touch grounded me for what lay ahead.