Chapter 5 #2
“This is not how or when I thought we would have the sex talk, but here goes.” I sucked in a deep breath and considered stepping into traffic.
Except there was none. Damn it. “I’ve never been in a relationship.
I thought I was, once or twice, but it was just loneliness on my part and ambition on theirs.
There were no real feelings involved, and I was convinced I had to use sex to keep the guy invested in me.
Even then, as soon as they got the message Carmichael was more likely to demote than promote someone banging his daughter, they left.
” I gnawed on the inside of my cheek. “I was afraid you would say you’ve been in love before, that I had competition with the memories of your exes. That’s why I shut you down.”
“That’s not…” He angled his body in my direction without facing me, like he couldn’t force himself to close that final distance.
“I knew about you. I’ve always known about you.
I should have waited for you, but I didn’t.
I had my reasons, at the time, but looking back…
” He dragged his gaze up to the level of my chin.
“I should have known better. I should have had more faith. I shouldn’t have caved to temptation. ”
I got the feeling I had stepped on a land mine, but the shrapnel of the past had lodged in his heart long ago, growing thick with scar tissue, and I wasn’t sure there was any hope of treating a wound that old.
Not without first slicing him open to remove the debris so that he might heal cleanly this time.
“I’m not mad, if that worries you.” I braved a step closer.
“It never crossed my mind that you would have abstained for this long.” He held his ground, his lips mashed into a hard white line.
“Did you give up on finding me? I wouldn’t blame you if you did.
After so long, the odds were against you.
” I rested a hand on his arm. “Is that why you feel guilty?”
“Sartori knew we were closing in on him about two years ago,” Liam said from behind me, scaring me silly because I hadn’t been paying attention.
“He’s clever, and he did an excellent job of keeping you hidden, but I heard a rumor about a wish dragon sighting and thought it was our big break.
I had just taken over as maguri, and I went alone to investigate the claims. To prove myself.
I got there, learned the dragon had been shot down days earlier, and demanded to see the body.
The pack who killed it had almost plucked it clean of scales by the time I located them.
They owned a deer processing plant, a big one, so they had an ideal location for butchering a beast that size. ”
“Oh, God.” Acid churned in my stomach. “That’s horrific.”
“We always figured you for a wish dragon, like your mom,” he continued, “and she was known for being the last of her kind. It stood to reason the corpse I found was yours. Reception was pathetic that far out, so I drove into town to call for backup to retrieve the body and bring it home with me. By the time I got back, they had taken the remains and disappeared, leaving us no way to prove its identity.”
“Liam,” Rían warned, but I could tell his heart wasn’t in it.
“As I’m sure you can imagine, Rían lost his shit.
He didn’t burn down the world, but that’s only because I kept him too drunk on booze brewed to subdue his magic.
When that quit working, he shifted, smashed through a wall, and flew away.
I found him three weeks later, in a hotel buried under a couple of women who pegged him as an easy mark based on the money he was burning through while bar crawling, trying to recreate the numbness I had cocooned him in.
I tranquilized him, dragged his ass home, and shoved a new crutch under his arm.
I chose an age-old coping mechanism that’s easier on his kidneys: work. ”
“Please stop talking.” Rían dropped his face into his hands. “I need to find the nearest manhole cover so I can climb into the sewers and begin my new life as what humans will assume is a flushed pet alligator.”
Stomach in knots, I couldn’t pry my attention from Liam. “Who was the dragon?”
“We’re not sure there was a dragon. The reek of deer blood and viscera covered any competing scents.” He flexed his fingers. “I didn’t touch it either, so I can’t vouch whether it was real or merely an illusion.”
“Because Carmichael works hand in hand with witches who specialize in shifter enchantments.”
And what better way to shake Rían off his trail than to convince him I was dead?
“Hindsight.” Liam rubbed his nape. “I fucked up, and Rían paid for it. I should have taken Gran with me if nothing else. We could have verified or debunked the remains between us and avoided…” He cleared his throat.
“That’s why we’ve taken such pains to get it right this time.
It might seem like overkill, but Rían is the heart of our clan, and we almost lost him.
I almost lost him. I refuse to repeat the same mistakes. ”
This explained so much about how Fayne and Liam tiptoed around certain topics with Rían, and with me.
To learn my life held such power over him both humbled and terrified me in equal measure. I was used to being alone, to looking out for myself, but here was this man, one depended on, loved, trusted above all others.
And I had almost ruined him.
No.
Carmichael had almost ruined him.
Made braver by facing Rían’s back, I walked up behind him and slid my arms around his middle, linking my fingers around his hips.
I rested my forehead in the center of his spine and breathed him in.
He was slower to respond, his muscles taut and posture stiff, but little by little, he melted into my embrace.
“You’re too hard on yourself,” I mumbled into his shirt, smiling as his heart drummed faster in response.
His noncommittal grunt was a better outcome than I expected, so I let it drop.
“Let’s put a pin in this for now.” Liam stepped up to the curb. “I can finish embarrassing Rían later.”
“No.” I locked gazes with him. “He can tell me the rest, when he’s ready for me to know more.”
“Suit yourself,” he grumbled, but his attention was fixed on an SUV barreling toward us.
“Sloane?” I circled to Rían’s side, maintaining my hold on him. “You sent her ahead?”
As tense as our conversation had been, I hadn’t noticed she was missing.
“We couldn’t afford to face Jess with a divided front,” he explained, “so I handled it.”
Liam did that a lot. Handled things. I had assumed it was to shield Rían’s ideals, but maybe I got it wrong.
Or not entirely right, anyway. Liam was shouldering the blame for the stain on Rían’s reputation brought on by his actions, even though it was clear the clan didn’t hold it against either of them.
How could they, when Rían believed I had been slain and salvaged for parts?
“I want to hear more about how you found me.” I stroked Rían’s stomach with my thumbs. “But not now.”
A slow exhale moved through him, and he rested his hands on top of mine. “Just say when.”
Tires squealed as Sloane slammed on the brakes in front of us. Jess, her complexion pale, stumbled out her door and eyed the ground as if she were considering kissing it. I could sympathize. But not yet. Now it was time for us to get some answers.