19. Willow
Nineteen
Willow
“ H i Willow, it looks like you got yourself into some trouble tonight. I’m so glad I heard you scream and came running over here. Hasn’t anyone told you not to be out on the streets at night?”
“Who was he?” She gasped out, clutching sand between her hands so hard it was about to turn into diamonds.
“A rogue vampire.”
She gave him a blank stare and he let out a sad laugh, baring his sharp fangs and crouching down to be eye-level with her. “This is what happens when you’re not protected by a family. You could’ve been his meal.”
Willow’s stomach rolled and she swallowed to keep back the nausea. She had been seconds away from dying and had freely given up her will to live in her last moments, with all desire to fight gone. Her mother would have been so disappointed.
The world began to close in around her as she hyperventilated, tears rolling freely down her cheeks. Waldo’s face changed to a look of concern and he got down on the ground to tip her head between her knees.
“Just breathe, Willow, just breathe. Everything’s okay and you’re safe now.” He rubbed slow circles on her back as she kept her head hung with her eyes clamped shut. Eventually, she was able to get her breathing back on track, her body began to calm down, and the nausea subsided.
“I’m so sorry about that.” She wiped at the snot leaking down her top lip.
“There’s nothing to be sorry about. You had a near death experience and are in shock. Let’s get you home. Did you drive here?”
She shook her head and finally stood up with his aid. She didn’t let go of his arm as she said, “I ran here. I needed to clear my mind of something and thought exercise would help.”
“Ah, well look on the bright side, I’m guessing you’re probably not thinking about whatever was bothering you before.” He gave a small chuckle, but stopped quickly after glancing at her. “Sorry, too soon for humor?”
She tightened her grip on his arm as the image of the vampire’s gaping mouth heading toward her flesh flashed through her mind. “Yeah, too soon. I don’t live that far away, will you please walk me home?”
“Absolutely.”
They walked in silence with the sound of sand crunching underfoot as they stepped on the boardwalk. She realized her nails were digging into his arm, and let go to find crescent shapes embedded into his skin.
“I’m sorry, I didn’t realize I had a death grip on you like that.”
“Don’t worry about it, I didn’t even notice. We have a high pain tolerance compared to humans.”
“That explains why you didn’t even flinch when Horatio made you bleed in my shop.” She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye, remembering their warning. So far, he seemed to be the total opposite of what they portrayed him as. “Why do they hate you so badly, anyway?”
He huffed a bitter laugh. “I’m curious—what have they told you so far?”
“Not much except that you let your men hunt here. Oh, and that your name is Waldo, not Jesse James.”
He scowled, “I loved my father, I really did, but I’ll never understand why he gave me such an ugly name. I prefer to be called Jesse James, if you don’t mind.”
She nodded. “I can do that.”
“Thank you. As for your little friends, they probably haven’t told you much about me because they’re ashamed of the part they played in our feud. I’ll own up to my sins and admit that my friends and I did kill on Clay’s territory. We were young and dumb and very drunk, but it’s a night I will always regret.
“We had been partying our way up the coast for a few weeks, stopping at different beaches to meet locals and have fun. By the time we hit Vista Maria, we were starving and needed a fix. We were used to living in Miami under different rules—there, we have more freedom with who we can hunt—and forgot that not all families live that way.”
He turned his head and looked at the ground, his voice growing soft. “We attacked a small group on the beach that night. They were innocent and didn’t deserve that. I still have nightmares to this day about what we did, but I deserve to live with them for being such a…monster. Please don’t let my past worry you. I have grown since then and changed my ways. Have you ever done something awful that you regret?”
She wrapped her arms around herself in a tight embrace, trying to block out the memories of her own past. “Yes, yes I have.”
“Then you understand the guilt I’ve been living with.”
“More than you know.”
“If I knew I was going to lose my father and start a war over that appalling decision, I never would have done it. Clay came and killed my best friends, then my father tried to get revenge for me. I didn’t want him to do it, but he was so protective of me and went to fight.”
He took a deep, dramatic breath. “He lost his life in that battle. I am a son who has been grieving the loss of his beloved father and his friends since that night, all because of Clay’s irrational punishment. To make the wound worse, Clay attempted to take over the Miami territory until I stepped up and took my father’s place as the head. He went quiet after that, a little too quiet for my comfort, so I have been popping into Vista Maria to keep tabs on them. That’s how I heard about your shop and why I stopped in. I’m so glad I did, because you are the most stunning woman I have ever seen.” He glanced at her, but quickly looked away. “I’m sorry, now’s not the time for my flirting. I sometimes have a hard time with my filter when I’m around pretty women.”
She gave a halfhearted smile but didn’t respond. They were almost to her apartment, and the realization that he would leave and she would be alone again made the nausea return.
She took in a big, shaking breath and murmured more to herself, “Will I ever feel safe again?”
He stopped walking and gave her a sad look. “Of course you will. Most vampires are not brutes like the one you met tonight. He was new, and didn’t know how to control his urges. It’s ones like him that have been hunting on Vista Maria’s territory lately. Most of us are refined, rational people who only target the lowest of the low. You are too pure and kind to ever be a target.”
He stepped forward and tucked a lose strand of hair behind her ear. She didn’t flinch from his touch, but instead leaned into it. After her attack, there was something comforting about having a muscular man treat her so gently. For a split second she wished it were Gage instead, but banished that thought with the memory of him leaving her bent over her table, confused and hurt.
Jesse James cupped her face and tilted her head up ever so slightly to look at him. “But, if you really want to feel protected, there is a way to ensure your safety.”
“What’s that?”
A thin smile spread across his face. “You can join my family. All it takes is one little bite from me to mark you, and other vampires will know that you are claimed. You don’t have to move to Miami right away, since your café is here, but you’ll officially belong to the Miami family. And if you’re worried about Gage and his boys, they know they would be severely punished for ever hurting my property.”
Now she flinched. She didn’t like the idea of being labeled as property, especially after gaining her freedom from her ex. “I don’t think I want that. I don’t want to be a vampire.”
“No, no.” He shook his head and furrowed his brows like he was talking to a confused toddler. “That’s not how you become a vampire. You must drink the blood of your leader to be turned. The bite just marks you as mine.”
“I’m not a piece of property to be owned.”
“Don’t think of yourself as property, it’s more like being cattle.” He grimaced. “That’s not any better, I suppose. It’s an old way of thinking, but it’s the history behind the bite. Humans used to be branded like cattle as a way for vampires to collect people who were willing to be used for their blood. Others knew to avoid those with a mark, or else they could be killed as justified retribution. Humans are not treated like that anymore, thankfully. I find it very demoralizing, but sometimes it comes in handy to keep humans safe. It’s still a rule that is honored by every vampire, and I thought you might like the option of having that security.”
“I can understand wanting safety from other vampires, but why would people be so willing to be fed off of?”
He smirked. “Because it feels incredible. It’s like having the most intense orgasm you’ve ever felt.”
Willow’s face flushed and she looked away from him. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s fair. You had a very traumatizing night and need some rest. I’ll be around Vista Maria for a while, so I’ll check in on you in a few days and see if you have changed your mind.”
She took out her key from her shorts pocket, shocked she didn’t lose it in the attack, and made her way to her apartment. She paused before heading up the steps. “Thank you for everything. I do owe you—how does free coffee for life sound?”
“That sounds amazing, Miss Willow.” They held each other’s gaze for a moment before he developed a sheepish look and rubbed the back of his neck. “I’ll be seeing you around, my dear.”
She watched as he headed down the sidewalk and back toward the beach. As soon as she was alone in her apartment, the silence turned heavy and a surge of panic coursed through her veins. She ran to Snicker’s cage, and held him against her chest as she collapsed onto the ground and sobbed into his fur.
She wasn’t sure how long she was like that. She assumed it was a while since Snicker’s entire back was damp from her tears and her own back ached from being curled over in her hysterics. Her panic subsided, replaced by numbness. In a state of autopilot, she took a hot shower that turned her skin red, then rubbed herself dry with a towel so harshly she was surprised she had skin left. She didn’t feel any of it.
????
Willow still opened the Coffee House Bunny that night. She couldn’t bear to be alone and wanted the comfort of her customers around her. She conversed with some of them, but she couldn’t recall anything they talked about. She greeted them, made their drinks, smiled a lot, then cleaned up the mess. Over and over again. All while she tried to push back the thoughts of her attack.
“Everything okay there, Willow?”
She whipped her head up, the sound of Horatio’s voice breaking her focus of stirring cream into a coffee. Both Matteo and Nikolas were standing next to him, but Gage was nowhere in sight.
“What?”
“You’ve been staring into that cup for, like, a whole-ass minute. Did you smoke something without me?” He gripped his chest and feigned a broken heart.
“No, I’ll make your drinks.”
“Oookay, then. Thanks.” He paused and shared a look with his twin. “You sure everything is okay? You seem a little more off than normal.”
“I’m fine.”
Horatio nodded like he didn’t believe her, but left the counter to sit at their usual booth.
Matteo stared at her for a second. “You’re not still mad at me over Marla, right? I may not have messaged her back, but I did talk to her at the party and you were right. We do have a lot in common.”
“She told me.” She felt like she was moving like a robot as she turned to make their usual drinks. She tried to snap out of her daze, but felt like she was watching herself through a TV screen. It was more like she was playing a video game than being in reality.
He looked at Nikolas and shrugged before joining his brother at their booth. Nikolas stayed behind and watched her. “Hey Willow, look at me for a second.”
She ignored his command and continued assembling the drinks. Her hands began to shake, spilling milk on the counter. She paused and stared at the white droplets. They looked fuzzy and almost dreamlike, and when she reached for the cloth to wipe them up, it felt like she was moving through mud.
Nikolas’ voice grew softer and he leaned against the counter so that no one else in the café could hear. “Did something happen?”
She looked up at him and realized that he, too, seemed fuzzy. She blinked, thinking her eyes were dry, but nothing changed. Panic rose in her throat. “I don’t feel good.”
“You don’t look good. Did you take something?”
“No. I don’t want to be here.” The panic that was bubbling earlier finally exploded as she convinced herself that nothing was real. She had never felt so disconnected before and was terrified she was going crazy. It was like she was free-falling with nothing to hold on to, and that she would soon be sucked into a dark, empty void of insanity.
“How about you come sit down with us? I’ll flip the sign to closed.”
She had no idea how to explain what she was experiencing to him, but knew she needed to get away from everyone before they realized she was losing it. A panic attack rushed through her, causing her dreamlike state to feel even worse. She couldn’t answer him, her mind searching for a safe place away from the audience of customers.
She ran from behind the counter, spilling a drink in her haste, and locked herself in the storage room. Even in here she didn’t feel safe. A loud, uncontrolled wailing erupted from her. Nothing was safe, and she would never feel comfortable again.
Just as with Snickers, she wasn’t sure how long she kept herself locked in the room, crying. It could have been minutes, hours, or even all night. Her panic had shrunk but the feeling of time and her surroundings not being real stayed. She had heard shuffling and whispering on the other side of the door, then a small knock.
“Willow, honey, it’s Clay. The boys told me something really upset you tonight and you have us all worried. I wanted to check and make sure you are okay. Is there something I can do to help?”
She sat up from the fetal position she had curled into and rubbed her face with her apron. The cold metal of the lock brought her awareness to her hands. She was surprised that she could feel it since her body had felt dull and separate from herself for so long. She cracked open the door to look at Clay’s kind face. He appeared calm, yet the slight flush to his cheeks hinted at his concern.
“Are my customers still out there?” She whispered.
“No, Nikolas closed the shop. It’s only us here, now.”
She sniffed and opened the door a little bit wider to reveal Horatio, Matteo, and Nikolas crushed together on one side of their booth, looking at her with furrowed brows. Gage was still nowhere in sight. Clay shifted closer and sat cross-legged, with his hands clasped in his lap. “Can you please tell me what happened?”
She chewed on her lip as she tried to figure out where to start and tore a piece of loose skin. The sudden, sharp pain caused the blurriness to vanish and she felt herself coming back into reality. “I went out for a run and was attacked by a vampire.”
“Oh shit,” she heard Horatio whisper.
“Jesse James saved me.” She noticed Clay tense up. “He killed him and threw him into the ocean, then walked me home. I came here and everything felt weird, kind of like I was high, but I didn’t take anything. And Jesse James didn’t give me anything—he was nothing but a gentleman. I don’t know what that was, but it was the most uncomfortable experience of my life.”
“It sounds like the attack caused a derealization episode.” Everyone turned to look at Matteo, who shrugged. “Psychology was my favorite class in high school. Did you feel like you were in a movie and nothing was real?”
Willow shook her head, glad that there was a term for whatever the hell it was. “Kind of, more like I was playing a video game or on autopilot. I could see myself doing what I needed to do, like making orders, but I wasn’t fully in the moment. Then these terrible thoughts started happening. I thought I was going crazy, but I was too afraid to tell you. I’m sorry if I freaked you out.”
Rapid knocking on the front door startled her, and Clay put up a hand to signal for her not to be scared. “It’s only Gage.”
Nikolas left the crowded booth and unlocked the door. Gage pushed past him and she could feel the anger radiating off him. “What the fuck happened?” His eyes landed on her and he stopped, his anger turning into alarm.
A feeling of extreme exhaustion overtook her. He was the last person she wanted to see right now. “I think I want to go home, I’m so tired.”
Clay nodded. “I can take you home.”
“No, I can drive myself. I want to be alone.”
“I would feel better if someone were with you. Gage?” He turned to his son, who shoved his hands in his pockets and shifted uneasily on his feet.
“No, I’ll be fine,” she answered for him. She stood up, brushing the dust from the storage room off her rear.
“Is anyone going to tell me what happened?” Gage asked in a calmer tone.
“I don’t feel like talking to you right now, they can update you.” She waved her hand toward the three boys in the booth. She turned back to Clay. “If you really want someone to be with me tonight, I’ll call Marla and have her come over. Would that make you feel better?”
He gave Gage a questioning glance before responding. “Yes, that would. I can lock up tonight if you want to head out now.”
“Thank you.” She stepped over him and grabbed her purse from behind the counter.
“Willow,” Gage started, but cut himself off when she glared at him .
“I told you, I don’t want to talk to you. So fuck off.” She walked past him with her head held high and slammed the door behind her.