Chapter 20
The next morning, I leave my house just as my parents are starting to watch a rerun of Jeopardy!
It is one of the many television shows I used to learn English, and it has vastly improved my parents’ language skills as well.
And unlike in Friends or Seinfeld, I don’t have to navigate the awkward moment where two main characters climb into bed and Ammi starts screaming, “Fast-forward,” while Thathi shuffles out of the room, eyes on his feet.
My parents are sitting on the couch, hand in hand.
My heart surges with affection for both of them, and for a second I contemplate not joining Amaya and instead spending the day sitting on the couch next to them, eating snacks while Ammi yells at me to not spill crumbs.
Next year my parents will be celebrating fifty years together.
My parents had an arranged marriage, and they barely knew each other before their parents promised each of them to the other.
The practice is still around but fading rapidly.
I can’t imagine being forced into a marriage with a virtual stranger.
I always expected I would be deeply in love first, though at twenty-eight the pressure to settle down is growing and something my parents will not let me forget.
It’s only a matter of time before I crumble under the pressure and agree to go on a date with that family friend they have in mind.
My parents tell me they love me as I walk out the door, my mother’s prayer following me out.
Even before my arrest I understood why they were so fearful watching me go.
It was my brother, who on a day just like any other, had gotten sick.
My parents had vested all their hopes and dreams on their golden boy.
I am the only child left, and the burden to be something more, to get married, to live a good life, feels even more crushing as I get older.
Spending the rest of my life in prison is going to dash those dreams.
As I give my parents a hug, I feel how frail they both are.
They may be older than me, but I’m reminded of the circle of life and how it’s at the beginnings and ends where we need the most love and attention.
If my resolve to find the truth of what happened wasn’t already at its peak, it is now.
I can’t leave my parents to wither away without me.
I need to do everything in my power to protect them.