Chapter 46
Everyone insists on cleaning up the kitchen since Ammi has done all the work to cook a delicious meal. She finally relents, handing over the cleaning to me, Alex, and Thathi, and starts sharing embarrassing stories of my youthful indiscretions. Typical.
I look around the warm glow of the kitchen.
Thathi is washing the delicate china, taken out for special occasions and not appropriate for the dishwasher, as Alex dries them.
I hear Amaya laughing on the couch, no doubt at one of a million stories Ammi has up her sleeve about my brother and me.
I pray the one of me pooping in my pants when I was most definitely too old to be doing so doesn’t make an appearance.
And for a second, I think I can almost hear my brother’s voice, too, like another member of the party softly talking in the background.
“Thathi…” I say, turning toward my father, “are you okay?”
The case is over; I can handle the news. I want to know. Why have these past few months, even years, brought a cautious slowness to the man I’ve only ever known as strong and sturdy?
“I’m fine, Putha. Just old age slowing me down a bit.”
“Really?” I respond, not believing my father.
“Yes, really. You worry so much about us. You always have these bad feelings, especially since your brother died. You always expect the worst. We’re not going anywhere.
At least for now. Old age just takes its toll; we’re not the people we were when we were younger.
In a few years, you’ll live and die by an orthopedic pillow too.
” Thathi puts a hand on my shoulder. “We’re so happy to have you home. ”
I don’t want to attribute my anxiety to my parents growing closer to the end of their days, but instead to a diagnosable disease that has a cure.
My parents and I don’t always see eye to eye, but every time I try to imagine life without them, an unbearable ache pulls me down and threatens to submerge me completely.
I have to accept that they are growing older.
I also need to realize I still have time left with them, and I vow to make the most of it.
I need to make the most of my life now. I won’t wait for tomorrow, or when I lose a little weight, or when I have the perfect job. Tonight, I won’t worry about the crumbling roof, or my career, or being single. I will take in all the blessings I have had in front of me the entire time.