Chapter 14
‘That was an absolutely lovely thing to witness,’ Izzy remarked, as the three midwives finally took their leave of the cottage at the end of Church Walk. ‘And lucky me, the journey home will take all of two minutes, even on foot.’
‘Thanks so much for coming in to help out.’ Jess, who’d been thrilled to arrive at the house moments after the arrival of Rebecca and Jung’s baby, rested a hand on Izzy’s shoulder, as she spoke.
‘How could I say no when the mother-to-be is virtually one of my neighbours?’ Izzy grinned, in the soft light of the summer evening that was slowly fading into dusk.
She was married to Noah, the vicar at St Jude’s, and they lived in the vicarage on the opposite side of the church to Rebecca’s house.
So it really had been a short commute, but that didn’t make it any less kind of her to give up her time off to work an extra shift.
‘I’m really glad you were there.’ Hope looked towards Izzy as she spoke.
‘And thanks so much for the way you supported me. I’ve done quite a lot of water births in the hospital, but this was my first one in someone’s home.
It was great to know I had your expertise as back up if I needed it, but also the experience of taking the lead in a situation like this.
Just in case there’s an emergency and I’m on my own next time! ’
‘You were a superstar and no one would ever have guessed it was your first time overseeing a water birth at home.’ Izzy’s tone was warm and as the three of them walked down the path together, the sense that Hope had found a home-from-home in Port Agnes grew all the stronger.
As much as she missed Tenby and her family, it felt right being here, even if she never told Joe Carter what had motivated her to come in the first place.
It was a good realisation to have, easing any pressure she felt to make a decision.
The only time that decision seemed truly pressing was when she saw Joe or Esther.
That was when it felt that if she didn’t time things exactly right, the opportunity to tell them who she was, and try to make that a positive thing, would pass forever.
Deep down, she knew that wasn’t true and that the ball was entirely in her court, but she couldn’t help how she felt.
Days like today made it seem like all of that pressure was gone – doing the job she loved with colleagues she was pretty certain she’d soon call friends – but then Izzy said something that took her right back to thinking about Joe and Esther.
‘Just say if you’d rather not talk about it, but I thought what you said about your adoption was wonderful. I could see how much it meant to Rebecca and how much this has been troubling her.’
‘I don’t mind talking about it.’ Hope smiled, so that Izzy would know she meant it. ‘I feel incredibly lucky to be a Masterson and part of the family I belong to, and I’m happy to share my story with anyone if I think it might help.’
‘It’s helped me too, actually.’ Jess’s words took Hope by surprise.
She’d shared her own story with Hope, so she knew the story of how Jess had come to adopt her children, but she still couldn’t imagine how what she’d said to Rebecca had helped.
After all, Hope had already been open about her adoption at the infertility support group, but then Jess continued.
‘Riley’s birth parents have both died, so I’ve never had to worry about the day he might decide to seek them out and what that could mean for me and Dexter, but our daughter is different.
I can’t help thinking about the day she might decide she wants more than letterbox contact, and whether that might make her think less of me and Dexter.
I suppose it’s human nature to have those fears, but what you said about never feeling anything other than a part of your family, because of how much you’re loved, really helps.
I hope if Iris decides to find her biological parents, they show her love too, but most of all I just want to make sure she knows she’s loved by us and because of that she’ll be able to handle anything else that comes her way. ’
‘I think she will. I know that’s how it’s been for me. I never really felt the need to find my parents, but when I eventually made contact with my birth mother, I knew I’d be able to handle it if it didn’t work out.’
‘And did it?’ Izzy slapped a hand over her mouth almost as soon as the words were out. ‘Oh God, I’m so sorry, that’s none of my business.’
‘It’s fine.’ Hope gave her another reassuring smile.
If this really was helping Jess, she didn’t mind talking about it.
‘It worked out to the extent that we met, got on well enough and the door is open for us to have contact again, as and when we want to. But she has her own life, and I have mine and neither of us need each other. I think it was enough for each of us to know that the other is safe and happy. She was very young when she had me and her life now is very different to mine. I don’t think she ever felt like a mother to me, and I certainly don’t view her that way. ’
‘Don’t answer if you don’t want to.’ It was Jess’s turn to ask a hesitant question.
‘But I just wondered if you felt the same desire to reach out to your biological father? From what our daughter’s birth mother has told us, there’ll be very little chance of her being able to trace him in the future, even if she wants to.
Let’s just say the relationship was very brief. ’
‘I don’t know who my biological father is either.
’ The words were out of Hope’s mouth before she could stop them.
It was an outright lie, but suddenly her colleagues’ questioning felt a bit too close to home.
She didn’t want to say something that would reveal the truth to them before she’d even decided whether or not to tell Joe.
It was easier to shut down the conversation before it even really began.
‘I just worry that Iris will find that tough.’ Jess sighed.
‘But I guess there are more and more ways of finding that kind of thing out these days, with all the DNA websites. This is why Dexter tells me not to worry so much about the future. Who knows what kind of information will be out there by the time Iris is old enough to consider it?’
‘I’m sure Dexter’s right and there’ll be a way to find out if Iris ever really wants to know, but I’m happy with the information I already have and so grateful for the family I’ve got.
It’s different for everyone, but I don’t feel the need to track down a stranger, when I already have so much.
’ Hope wasn’t sure whether she was trying to convince Jess or herself, but either way it was time to move the conversation on, even if the transition to a brand-new topic wasn’t exactly subtle.
‘So what are you going to buy Danni for the baby shower?’
If the others noticed the abrupt change of subject they didn’t acknowledge it, no doubt picking up on the fact that she had shared as much as she wanted to for now.
Hope barely heard Jess or Izzy’s response, nodding politely without really taking in what was being said.
Her mind was still on Joe and the fact that the baby that was the focus of the shower would technically be her cousin.
She couldn’t start thinking like that, because she might make the wrong decision about whether or not to speak to Joe if she gave in to sentimentality.
She had to work out what was best for everyone concerned and that wasn’t a decision that could be rushed.
Everything was ready for the baby shower.
Esther had pulled out all the stops to make the event as special as possible for her best friend.
She’d spent ages researching what she could do to make the event a bit different, and she’d found two themes she hadn’t been able to choose between, so she’d decided to incorporate them both.
The first had been ‘we can bearly wait’, which was the teddy bears’ picnic themed element of the baby shower, and she’d ordered decorations in beige and cream, a small army of stuffed bears, and even a teddy bear pinata filled with gummy bears for the children, having known that Danni would want Caleb there and making it a big family-friendly day as a result.
The other element of the party was themed around Danni being ‘ready to pop’ and she’d set up a bar with cocktails and mocktails, and the kind of canapes and snacks you might be offered in a swanky wine bar.
With the day of the party fast approaching, Esther wasn’t sure whether it would feel like a total mish mash of too many ideas colliding in one place, but at least it meant there’d be something for everyone.
She was overthinking things, she knew that, but she still couldn’t quite shake the guilt that Danni hadn’t felt able to tell her about the baby.
Making the party perfect to put that right had become almost an obsession lately, but today her mind was focused on work.
It had been a stressful shift, and she hadn’t had time to think about anything else.
As Danni walked down the corridor in the emergency department towards Esther, looking completely exhausted, she felt a wave of protectiveness for her best friend.
Now that Danni was no longer trying to keep the baby a secret, her bump seemed to be growing every day.
The shift had been demanding in lots of way, but one of the patients would stick in Esther’s mind for a long time: a young man who’d been brought in after attempting to take his own life.
He was only twenty-two and it had been hugely emotional.
They’d managed to resuscitate him, but the drugs he’d overdosed on had caused a huge stroke and the consequences would almost certainly be lifelong.
It was a stark reminder that sometimes nothing they did could put things right.