Chapter 22 #2
It had felt like the end of the world discovering that Joe was already a father, but witnessing what had happened to Rory and Carrie, she’d been reminded what the end of the world really looked like.
She was incredibly lucky to have all the things she had.
Deep down, she’d always known that; she’d just lost sight of it in the wake of discovering that Hope was Joe’s daughter.
What had happened to Rory had brought reality back into sharp focus and she was more determined than ever to count her blessings.
‘I’m so sorry.’ Esther repeated her apology, as Joe closed the door of the office behind him and pulled her into his arms again.
‘No apologies. You don’t need to say anything, it’s just enough that you’re here. It’s all I’ve been able to think of since you left. I know this has all been a huge shock, but we can work it out and decide what to do. Together.’
‘Do you want Hope to be a part of your life?’ So much hung on Joe’s response, because if he gave the wrong answer, it could change everything, maybe even make her doubt the decision to count her blessings, come what may. Joe held her gaze for what felt like an eternity, before he finally spoke.
‘Yes, I do, if she wants that too.’ He looked at the floor, as though he needed to get the words out before he saw the expression on her face.
‘It’ll have to be on Hope’s terms, and I’ll be guided on the best way to handle it all by you, so that it’s on your terms too.
But I can’t walk away from her; not now I know I’m her biological father, and I wouldn’t want to. ’
‘It’s a good job you said that.’ She smiled, as he finally looked at her again. ‘Because if you hadn’t, I might have assumed that everything I thought I knew about you was wrong. And I really didn’t want it to be, because I love the very bones of you, Joe Carter.’
Esther reached up and cupped the sides of his face with her hands.
He was the man she’d always thought he was, her lovely Joe; someone who couldn’t just walk away from his long-lost daughter, even if admitting that might cost him everything.
He didn’t need to reject Hope to choose her, he’d chosen Esther every single day since they’d first got together.
They’d been through some very tough times together: when her father was diagnosed with cancer, and their attempts to have a baby coming to nothing over and over again.
It had been just as hard on Joe when month after month had brought nothing but another huge dollop of disappointment.
Yet he’d always been the strong one, allowing her to lean on him and asking for nothing in return.
That was going to change from now on. She was going to make sure she was there for him too.
She needed him to know she wasn’t just okay with him wanting Hope to be a part of their lives, she wanted it too.
‘If Hope is even the tiniest bit like you and I’m pretty sure she is, then I’m going to love her too.’
‘You’re amazing, do you know that?’ Joe lowered his head to kiss her, long and slow, before finally drawing away again and tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. ‘I’m so glad we’re on the same page about all of this, but I really think we need to let Hope take the lead on where we go from here.’
‘Me too.’ Esther nodded, her neck flushing red as she remembered the last conversation she’d had with Hope, if she could even call it a conversation.
Esther had more or less stormed out, and she went hot every time she thought about how she’d reacted.
Yes, she’d been shocked and hurt, sad too, but none of that excused how she’d treated Hope, who must have been feeling a whole gamut of emotions herself.
‘Before anything else, I want her to know how sorry I am for the way I acted. I need to apologise to her, even if we have to leave the ball entirely in her court after that.’
‘You don’t need to be sorry, it was a massive shock and I’m sure Hope understood your reaction. I don’t think she’ll hold it against you for a moment.’
‘That’s all the more reason I need to apologise.’ She smiled then, about to ask how soon he thought she could go and find Hope. Right this minute didn’t feel like a moment too soon, but a sharp rap on the door interrupted them before she could ask.
‘Come in.’ As Joe ushered the instruction, Esther stepped away from him, determined to present a professional front, given that she had no idea who was on the other side of the door.
‘Oh, I’m sorry.’ Louie looked crestfallen as he walked into the office and Esther could see he was struggling with something.
Joe had mentioned their scheduled supervision.
The meetings were a vital aspect of the work that was carried out in Joe’s department and dealing with the mental health crises faced by some of their patients meant staff often carried a very heavy load of their own.
Supervision was an opportunity to offload some of that weight and it looked like Louie needed it very badly, so no wonder he’d looked gutted to see Esther standing next to Joe.
She was going to leave right now and let Joe get on with his work.
They could talk more later, the most important things had been said, and they were going to be okay.
One way or another. That was all that really mattered.
‘Hi, Louie. Don’t worry, I’m just leaving. I know you and Joe have got a meeting.’
‘It seems everybody’s leaving.’ Louie didn’t look in her direction as he spoke, but she could see a muscle going in his cheek.
‘What do you mean? Has something happened?’ Joe’s tone was gentle and Louie let out a shuddering breath.
‘Hope’s gone, back to Tenby. She said she’d caused too many problems here and that they wouldn’t get better all the time she was around.’
‘Oh no, please don’t say that.’ Esther’s hand flew to her mouth. ‘Has she already gone?’
‘Yes.’
‘When? When did she leave?’ Esther’s tone was urgent, her blood seeming to pump through her veins at what felt like ten times the usual speed.
‘Half an hour maybe.’ Louie glanced at his watch and then at Esther and Joe. ‘Look, I know this isn’t my place, especially as Joe’s my boss, but don’t make Hope leaving a waste, will you? Put things right between you, anyone can see you’re meant to be together.’
‘We’ve already put things right, but we’re not going to let Hope leave. We can’t.’ Esther turned towards Joe and he nodded.
‘Can you call her now, Louie, and ask her to wait? So we can speak to her?’
‘I can try, but I’ve got a feeling she won’t pick up.’
‘If she goes to Tenby, she’ll never come back.’ Esther frowned. ‘And we won’t have the same chance to get to know her that we’d have if she was still here. I need to see her, face to face, and explain that none of this is her fault, before it’s too late.’
‘Let’s go and see if we can find her. Louie can keep calling in the meantime and let us know if he manages to get hold of Hope.
There’s only one road she can take out of the Three Ports area, then it’ll be the A395 and A30.
Although if she left half an hour ago, the chances of catching her before she gets to the M5 are pretty slim. ’
‘We’ve got to try.’ Esther was already halfway towards the door and Joe was right behind her.
She hated the thought that Hope might be tackling a long journey like that when she was upset, and she suddenly realised she felt like a concerned parent.
She might not be able to pour all the love she desperately wanted to give a baby into the life of an independent young woman, who already had wonderful parents of her own.
But there was definitely room in her heart for Hope, because it turned out she’d already taken up residence there.