Chapter 23 #2
Spotting them, Hope caught her breath, torn between ducking behind a petrol pump, or waving her hands in the air to get their attention.
She didn’t know what she wanted, but one thing was clear, her decision to leave Port Agnes hadn’t made her in the slightest bit happy.
Frozen with indecision, all she could do was stand rooted to the spot and watch them drive past. They couldn’t have seen her.
Or perhaps Esther had, but had chosen not to tell Joe because she was only playing along with this wild goose chase and didn’t want Hope to come back to Port Agnes at all.
Holding her breath, she expected to see their car disappear into the distance, but suddenly it screeched to a halt and performed a U-turn in the road.
Just seconds later, Joe’s car was on the garage forecourt in front of her, and her heartbeat was thumping in her head.
‘Hope!’ Esther was the first out of the car, the instant Joe brought it to a halt, breaking into a run and then stopping abruptly about three metres in front of Hope.
‘I told Louie that you didn’t need to come.’ Hope’s eyes were prickling with tears, and she didn’t even know why.
‘Yes, we did, especially me.’ Esther blew out her cheeks, shaking her head.
‘I’m not going to pretend that any of this has been easy.
Finding out that Joe had had a child hit me hard, but it’s what we’ve both always wanted and, I don’t know, maybe this is the way it’s meant to be for us.
I know you’ve got wonderful parents, and you’ll never see us in the same way, but I think we could bring something good to your life.
And I know for certain that you could bring something incredible to ours. If that’s what you want.’
Despite the sincerity in Esther’s voice, the urge to tell her that she didn’t need to say those things was rising up inside Hope. But before she could find the words she wanted to say, Joe cut in, having leapt out of the car too.
‘Just give us a chance, that’s all we’re asking for, in whatever way works for you.
If you really want to go back to Tenby, that’s great.
Maybe we can come up for a visit some time and meet your parents?
But if what Louie told us is true, and that you didn’t really want to leave Port Agnes at all, then please come back.
’ He smiled. ‘I think half the hospital staff might stop speaking to us if you don’t, especially the midwives.
Then there’s the fact that you won’t be around when Danni’s baby is born. ’
‘I just feel like I’ve messed everything up.
’ A huge part of Hope wanted to admit there was nothing she’d like more than to go back to Cornwall, but she still wasn’t sure it was right for her, or for them.
Making the decision to leave had been so hard, but suddenly it felt like the easiest option.
She wasn’t sure she could put her heart on the line again for something she didn’t know would work out.
‘It’s me who messed everything up and I think I’m about to do it again.
’ Esther grimaced. ‘I’ve been rehearsing what I wanted to say all the way here and I had it all planned out.
I wanted this to be such a pivotal moment and I’m going to ruin it.
But the truth is that I’ve been desperate for a wee since we crossed into Devon and if I don’t go soon, I’m not going to be able to say anything else that makes any sense. ’
Hope looked at Esther for a second and then they both started to laugh, breaking the tension that had felt like a huge barrier between them; one that hadn’t allowed Hope to admit she wanted to be a part of their lives.
Esther wasn’t this scary, distant person who Hope had to tread on eggshells around.
She was human, with wants and needs that she was more than capable of communicating, given the chance.
Hope owed it to her to listen, not just assume she thought she knew what was best for her.
Right now, though, Esther had one very pressing need that couldn’t be ignored.
‘In that case, I’d better ask my mechanic friend if he’s got a loo you can borrow.’ Giving Esther a conspiratorial look, she gestured towards the workshop.
‘Oh, thank you so much. You’ve got no idea how much of a relief that will be.’ The two of them crossed the forecourt, but the moment Esther stepped inside, she made a gagging sound.
‘Are you okay?’ Hope turned towards Esther, a wave of panic washing over her as she saw how pale the other woman had become.
‘It’s just the oily smell, it made me feel like I was going to be sick for a moment, but I’m fine.’
There was a question on the tip of Hope’s tongue that she wasn’t sure she wanted to ask, but she knew she had to. ‘Has this happened before?’
‘A couple of times lately, but I think it must be a side effect of the fertility drugs I’m taking, heightening my sense of smell. I fed my parents’ cat this morning and I really thought I was going to throw up.’
‘I need to ask you something.’
‘Okay, but can you make it quick, otherwise I’m either going to be sick or wet myself, and if I do the first, I’m definitely going to do the last!’ Esther started to laugh, but then she abruptly stopped, gagging again.
‘Is there any chance you could be pregnant?’
‘No.’ She shook her head sadly. ‘I’ve been on Clomid, but I had a period more or less around the time it was expected. It was very light, but it definitely happened.’
There was a dullness in Esther’s eyes when she spoke, as if the very idea that she might be pregnant was impossible, but Hope knew it wasn’t.
She’d done a lot of research to prepare for helping out at the infertility support group and she knew Clomid could cause spotting that might look like a light period.
That same kind of spotting happened in the early stage of some pregnancies too and she’d known plenty of women mistake it for their period.
It meant they couldn’t rule the possibility of a pregnancy out.
Suggesting that Esther take a pregnancy test would be asking her to put her heart on the line again, though, and Hope wasn’t sure she could be responsible for breaking it a second time.
‘It might not have been a proper period and given your sensitivity to smell, the nausea and the urinary urgency…’