Chapter 18 #2
I open my mouth but then realize that I don’t actually have an argument because I did like taking care of her.
Too much. I liked that I knew she wants chamomile tea when she isn’t feeling good.
I liked watching her eat breakfast in my shirt while she complained endlessly about her hangover.
I liked knowing she’d slept better beside me.
Lottie walked into my house and suddenly it doesn’t feel so quiet anymore.
I’ve lived alone for years, avoiding making any connections that could disrupt my life.
Somewhere along the way I just got used to being on my own.
I stopped noticing how isolated I’ve become.
Then Lottie appeared and now it’s hard to imagine my home without her in it.
Noah watches me quietly as he takes a slow sip of his coffee. “You’ve never brought a girl around the family.”
I stare down at the ring on my finger. “That’s not true.”
“Yeah, it is,” Jesse says immediately. “You’ve dated women, sure, but none of us have ever known anything about them.”
Of course, there have been women over the years.
I’ve been on dates. A few short relationships.
But none of them were ever serious enough to matter, and none of them lasted long enough that I ever felt the need to bring them around my brothers.
Maybe I never gave any of my relationships the chance to become real.
After I took the fall for the break and enter in my senior year, trusting people stopped coming naturally to me.
Suddenly everyone had an opinion about me, about my family, about things they didn’t actually understand, and I learned pretty quickly how fast people can turn on you.
Losing my mom before that hadn’t exactly helped, and neither did growing up with a father whose grief eventually turned into drinking and silence and long nights where none of us ever knew what version of him we were coming home to.
After my mom died, I figured out how to become useful.
Useful people don’t fall apart. They stay steady so that everybody else can fall apart safely around them.
After a while, feelings just became inconvenient.
Relationships just got in the way. It was simpler to keep people at arm’s length before they had the chance to disappoint me.
Lottie seems to have somehow slipped past all of that without me noticing.
“She’s different, Wes,” Jesse says, like he’s reading my thoughts. “I’ve gotten to know her through Mads. She’s loyal to a fault. She’d do anything for the people she loves. She’s been a great friend to Madeline for years, and Mads doesn’t let people in easily either.”
I stare out at the water as we walk. “I asked her on a date.”
“You what?”
I grimace slightly. “I told her I wanted to take my wife on a date.”
Jesse looks genuinely delighted by this information. Noah just studies me. “And were you serious?”
The answer comes embarrassingly easy. “Yeah,” I admit. “I was.”
“Okay. So, what kind of date are you planning?” Noah asks eventually.
“I don’t know,” I say, pressing my fingers into my temple. “I haven’t got that far. I decided and I asked her. There wasn’t exactly a detailed strategy involved.”
Jesse snorts. “Well, don’t do something boring.”
“That’s helpful.”
“I’m serious. No stiff, fancy dinner where you sit three feet apart pretending to be sophisticated. She’d hate that.”
He’s probably right. I can picture Lottie making fun of a tasting menu within the first five minutes, smiling sweetly while asking why rich people insist on serving microscopic portions on giant plates.
The thought makes me laugh, and it’s not lost on me that I seem to be doing that a lot more often these days.
This is the point where I would typically pull away; when people start expecting more from me emotionally than I know how to give.
One girl I briefly dated used to complain that being with me felt like standing outside a locked door, that no matter how much time we spent together, she could never find a way to get to me.
I remember sitting across from her at dinner feeling irritated because I genuinely didn’t understand what she wanted from me.
I was there, wasn’t I? Wasn’t that enough?
But something about Lottie feels different. In the short time I’ve known her, she’s seen more real pieces of me than any of the women I’ve dated for months ever did.
I stare out toward the water while Scout trots ahead of us.
Lottie is the kind of girl people stare at when she walks into a room.
Beautiful doesn’t even begin to cover it.
It’s her long brown hair, those ridiculously bright green eyes, the way she laughs with her whole body.
It’s the way she somehow manages to look both effortlessly glamorous and approachable at the same time.
She could have any guy she wants. Men probably fall over themselves trying to get her attention.
Meanwhile, I’m the guy who has spent most of his adult life keeping people at enough distance that they can never really hurt me.
A guy who makes it clear he’s not interested in anything real.
I mutter a curse under my breath and notice Noah cast a sideways glance at me, clearly enjoying the mess I’ve landed myself in. The jerk actually smirks.
I flip him off without breaking my stride. “Not a single word, Noah.”