The Mistress of All & Torn (Pride and Prejudice Collection)

Chapter 1

Elizabeth examined her reflection in the mirror.

She was dressed all in black, except for the garnet cross at her neck.

In the candlelight, the stone shone strangely, accentuating the bruises around it.

She touched her throat and, together with the pain, she felt suffocated as violent memories invaded her.

With slow movements, she arranged her hat, fixing it with pins, then lowered the black veil to cover her face.

The knock at the door startled her and instinctively she took a few steps back in dismay. Her mind told her she had no reason to be frightened any longer, but the fear was still part of her being and screamed at her to prepare to fight the terror.

“Lizzy? Dearest, may I come in?”

She looked around, as if trying to understand where she was. Jane’s tender voice caressed her soul and she forced a smile while her sister took her hands.

“How are you, my darling?”

“I am well, Jane.”

“You should stay at home. Nobody will demand that you go. Women do not normally attend funerals, not even under usual circumstances. Nobody would expect you to be there.”

“I wish to go, Jane.”

“You are still hurt and exhausted. Doctor Linfield recommended that you rest in bed! He warned you that you might do yourself even further harm.”

“I am well. Believe me, I know when I am hurt and how badly.”

“Oh, my dear, my sweet Lizzy! I cannot even imagine what is in your heart and what you have been through. I want to hold you in my arms and never let you go again. You should not expose yourself to more distress.”

Jane ceased fighting her tears; they fell from her eyes, blurred with grief, down her pale cheeks.

“Jane, please do not cry, dearest. He is not worthy of your grief. I will not allow anyone or anything to hurt you too. There, let me wipe your face.”

“You have wet your gloves,” Jane whispered.

“I will change them. I have several pairs and I may purchase as many more as I want,” the answer came bitterly.

“Lizzy… please, let us stay at home. We might not even be allowed to attend.”

“This is not my home, my darling. I would happily stay with you, but this is not my house, nor my home. Mr. Darcy has been too kind and too generous to host us all. And we are certainly allowed to attend, both trustees assured me of that.”

“Mr. Darcy was correct in insisting that staying here was the best choice. You could not have gone to our aunt’s house and met the children in your present state. Nor to our home, to let Caroline see you...”

“Mr. Darcy is always correct, it seems, Jane. But I feel uncomfortable disturbing him. Lady Sedgewick’s house would have been the proper solution. But I did not want to appear there so unexpectedly.”

“Mr. Darcy insisted, so I do not believe we are disturbing him. And indeed, you could not have simply appeared at Sedgewick House in such a state...”

“I wonder why Cece has not yet replied to my note. She is either upset or she has left town. She must have believed I betrayed Lady Sedgewick.”

“You have plenty of time to speak to her, Lizzy. Plenty of time for everything. But about the funeral…”

“I wish to go, Jane. I must, I have to see it. I must see the coffin lowered into the grave and covered. Otherwise, I will never be able to break free from this cage around me. I still feel trapped, chained. The dread, the agony keeps me imprisoned. And I must set things straight immediately. I must know in what way I am still connected to that family.”

The voice that disclosed the tormenting confession was calm, low, deep and heavy. Jane shuddered and instinctively embraced her sister with all her might.

“I am ready, Jane.”

“Very well, Lizzy. Everybody is downstairs, waiting. We will go in two carriages.”

“You should not come, dearest.”

“Lizzy, I will never leave you alone again! We all go together.”

“Very well. Jane, how is Sarah? I have not had time to speak to her today.”

“She is resting. I checked on her before I came to you and she was sleeping soundly. The doctor gave her some herbals and demanded she not leave her bed for at least a week. She needs rest. And so do you!”

“Yes, I know that. She must rest—she has not slept properly in months. Jane, I wish a maid to be near her all the time. I wish her to be taken care of as if she were family. She was my only comfort all those months, Jane, and she suffered even more than I did. Please tell Mr. Darcy...”

“Do not worry—she is being cared for in the best possible way. Mr. Darcy allowed me to take charge of everything. We are taking care of Sarah. What about you? Would you like a cup of tea? There is still time.”

“No, thank you. Jane, is Mr. Darcy downstairs, too?”

“Mr. Darcy? Yes, of course. He is with Charles and Uncle Gardiner.”

“Could you ask him to come here? I wish to speak to him for a few moments.”

“In your room? Alone?” Jane withdrew from her sister, looking at her in disbelief.

The answer was cynical, mocking, jeering.

“Surely you are not worried about propriety and decorum, Jane. Are you?”

“Lizzy…”

“I wish to speak to Mr. Darcy now before we leave. If he is willing to talk to me.”

“I am sure he is. I will send him to you shortly.” Jane finally surrendered, with a last glance filled with sorrow and compassion.

The door closing brought back other recollections and for an instant, she felt the urge to run and lock it. For several weeks, she had been torn between dreading and praying to hear the door lock, between being trapped or being hurt.

Another knock on the door sounded and a shiver ran over her skin. She felt her cheeks burning with too many feelings to even count or name.

“Come in.”

The door was slowly pushed open and he remained still in the doorframe.

He was as impeccably dressed as always, only his hair looked slightly messy, and she suddenly remembered his gesture of running his fingers through it in moments of distress.

Just as he had done that day at the parsonage, when he had proposed to her.

And she had rejected him. The day that her own choice had ruined her life.

“Please do come in,” she whispered a weak invitation.

Darcy stepped in, hesitantly.

“Forgive me for bothering you, Mr. Darcy. I am already in your debt with my life and yet, I dare ask for more.”

“Lady Barrington, I am at your service. How may I help?”

She glanced at him, then averted her eyes. She felt his scrutiny through the veil, she knew he was searching for her wounds, she could feel his frown every time his eyes spotted something.

He had seen her two days ago when he came to her rescue. When he put his life in danger to save her. When the terror ended. If not for Darcy, she would have still been there, with her spirit buried in darkness, struggling for another breath, for another day.

“Do not call me that. At least not when we are alone,” she pleaded, turning her back on him.

“How should I address you?” he asked hoarsely.

“However you prefer. You may call me Elizabeth. Or any other name. Please, sit down, just for a moment. There is something of great importance that I wish to beg of you.”

“There is no need to beg me, Lady…Just ask.”

It was obvious that, despite her request, he could not call her by her Christian name.

How could he? Last time they had properly met was in Kent, when he gave her the letter and they had separated like the worst of enemies.

Since then she had only seen him once in London, very briefly, and then two days ago.

He chose a chair at the small table and she sat on the edge of the bed.

“Mr. Darcy, I know I have no right to expect any more favours from you. However, despite everything that has occurred between us—or perhaps precisely because of our past—you are the person I trust the most. I shall never forget that, even after I offended you so undeservingly and I accused you most unjustly, you still granted me your confidence and revealed to me in that letter the secret that could harm your sister’s life.

You believed in my honesty, even when I had given you every reason to think otherwise. ”

“I never doubted your character, Lady…Miss Bennet.”

She smiled sadly. “Then you are more generous with me than I am with myself. Most other men—probably any other man—would see my present situation as a triumph. Any man’s vanity would be satisfied to know that the proposal I had proudly spurned less than four months ago was the first step into the dark, deep hole that has been my life since then.

Perhaps you do feel the triumph too—you may be one of the most generous of your sex, but you are still a mortal. ”

She dared look at him and saw his frown of disbelief.

“Lady Barrington… Miss Bennet, I assure you such feelings have always been far from my mind. Even when I was upset, angry and disappointed by being unexpectedly rejected, I never wished you anything else but happiness and…”

She interrupted him.

“Sir, I do not doubt your good intentions and your generosity. I know that you are the one responsible for my present freedom.”

“I deserve no such praise, I assure you. I did nothing but accompany Bingley in his search for you.”

“You did so much more, and your refusal to accept my gratitude only pains me even more. It reveals more clearly my past foolishness, my prejudice and my blindness.”

“I do not wish to pain you… Tell me what I can do to bring you some relief, some peace. I know that only time can heal your wounds but if there is something I can do myself…”

She nodded, lowering her eyes.

“As I said, there is a matter in which I need your support. I know I have no right to ask, but…”

She paused and looked at him; their eyes met and locked, while she continued in a trembling voice.

“I once said you were the last man in the world...Now, I will confess you are the only man in the world in whom I can confide. I trust your character, your knowledge, your experience, your strength, your courage. Since I do not deserve either your protection or your friendship, I must beg for your support.”