Chapter 9 #3
“No, that is not the reason. That first incident was unfortunate, and I confess to being angry with Mr Darcy. He was haughty and insensitive to my family and many other families in Meryton when he stayed at Netherfield. But then I acted carelessly and offensively myself. I readily listened to malicious reports about Mr Darcy from a former acquaintance of his. I believed them, and I even confronted Mr Darcy, accusing him of ruining that man’s life.
Which was far from the truth, as I painfully learnt soon enough.
We both behaved at our worst when we first met.
But as I said, my relationship with Mr Darcy has improved significantly in the last year.
Although yes, we are still uncomfortable in each other’s company. ”
“Oh dear, it seems a serious matter,” Lady Kendal uttered.
Elizabeth cleared her throat. “It was. But Mr Darcy is Charles’s closest friend, and he was supportive of his marriage to my sister. Furthermore, he invited them to Pemberley and encouraged his sister’s friendship with us. So he is almost family now.”
“I see… Still, in my opinion he is a strange gentleman. Exceptional in many ways but difficult to relate to. I cannot imagine the terms of his friendship with Bingley.”
“It might appear so in the beginning. But Mr Darcy is the sort of gentleman who improves on better acquaintance,” Elizabeth said.
“As for their friendship, I know Charles values it as much as Mr Darcy. And speaking of Charles, he is the sort of gentleman who always makes an excellent first impression.” Elizabeth skilfully changed the delicate subject.
“Indeed, and so does Jane. Upon my word, her beauty is just what poets describe. They look so lovely together. God has been very good to them.”
Elizabeth nodded silently. She remembered the day she had first read Darcy’s letter, then Bingley’s sudden return to Netherfield. His influence in both separating and reuniting them was essential.
“You know, Elizabeth, for years I was angry with God. I had lost so much that everything I was given meant little. So many in my family were gone too soon while others, who deserve no better, live long and easy lives. Over the years, I looked around more carefully and realised suffering was everywhere, both seen and hidden. Whilst my fortune came through inheritance, I learned that I could put it to good use. I understood that one can eat only so much, can wear only so many gowns, and can live in only so many houses. It gave me much more joy and gratification to give than to receive.”
Elizabeth listened in awe. Lady Kendal never ceased to surprise or impress her.
“When Philip fell ill, I ripped God out of my heart. I cried and fought with Him every night. I felt like He was giving me more than I could bear. That He wished to break my spirit. I challenged His plans and His will. But then, one day, I happened into a hospital and discovered a new, darker side of grief and pain. And so, my two hospitals came to life.”
Now tearful, Elizabeth took her ladyship’s hands to comfort her. She found nothing to say—how could she? Coming from a large, healthy family, all their previous reasons for distress appeared trivial and groundless.
Lady Kendal smiled at her. “But now, I have made peace with the Lord and with myself. Especially since He brought you to us, my dear. Because of you, I am confident my work has a future. And because of you, Philip feels the taste of joy and happiness again. I cannot foresee his future, but his present is much better than I hoped for only a few months ago. However long or short his life may be, you have enriched it.”
“Your ladyship gives me too much credit,” Elizabeth replied in a trembling voice. “I did nothing more than what I felt. Philip has a special place in my heart, and so do you. I feel privileged to be close to you.”
“As do I… My greatest fear now is—” Lady Kendal stopped suddenly and, with a small gesture of her hand, she interrupted the conversation and turned to look outside.
“What is it, my lady? Please let me know. You must not conceal anything from me.”
“My dear,” Lady Kendal reluctantly continued, “I do not for a moment doubt your devotion and loyalty. But you must know that if something happens and we lose you—if Philip loses you—he would not have the strength to overcome such sorrow.”
Elizabeth smiled with all her heart. “Such a worry you may easily dismiss. It is not even worth speaking of, as it could never happen.”
“Thank you, dearest,” Lady Kendal whispered, bringing Elizabeth’s hands to her heart.
Moments later, she regained her composure and asked the coachman to change direction.
“I almost forgot—we must stop at the modiste. I ordered some presents for your sisters and mother. And for you. Nothing much, only some bonnets and reticules and some light gowns for the summer. Now would be a convenient time to collect them.”
Elizabeth shook her head in disapproval, trying to oppose her ladyship, but soon abandoned the attempt. It was Lady Kendal’s small pleasure, and any argument was futile.
“I hope you and your family will enjoy staying in Brighton for the summer,” Lady Kendal uttered. “The Gardiners are delighted, that I know.”
“My mother and younger sisters would like nothing better,” Elizabeth declared. “And even Papa might like reading in the sea breeze.”
“What about you, my dear?”
Elizabeth hesitated a moment, fighting some unexpected grip in her chest.
“I have adored the sea from the moment I laid eyes on it as a child. I always dreamt of spending more time at the seaside, and now you have given me the chance to do so. I am sure I shall be happy in Brighton,” Elizabeth concluded, the grip still lingering in her heart.