Chapter 19 #2
“Oh, Shio…” She pulled from my embrace, swatting my chest. “I’m okay, baby.
Sometimes, you do things that… That makes me realize that you’re no longer a baby.
No longer my baby. The tenor in your laugh was deep enough to shake the whole room.
You’ve been a man for a long time, longer than the age of maturity, but—”
“I’m still your baby.” I flashed her a smile.
“And forever you shall be. Don’t mind me. I’m just an old lady with too much time on her hands that’s obsessed with her child.”
“You sure dat’s it?”
“Yes, baby. I’m sure.” She placed her soft hand on my cheek. The vanilla in her perfume was finally settling, bringing me the comfort that I yearned for. “You’re so handsome, son. Tell me something good.”
I chuckled. I knew my mother better than anyone else on the planet, including my damn self. “Who told you, Mama?”
Her smile broadened, and the combination of that, plus the wet tears that stained her face, was cinema-worthy. “Um. Don’t worry ’bout who told me. I want to know why you haven’t told me.”
She tapped my cheeks twice, and once she released me, I leaned my body back so that I wasn’t all up in her space, crowding her anymore.
“You know if I keep it from you, it’s for a reason, Mama.”
“I do. I don’t ask you about the business you do out there in them streets. But I’m not oblivious to it, nor is the pastor. But only God can judge you, son, and even Timothy knows your heart enough to know God is there.
“You were born into this life, so I keep my nose out of it. But a child, Shio Cuppacio? I thought you would try and make me a Glam-Ma once you calmed your life down, son.”
The downside to us Cuppacios being all we had for so long was that everybody talked too fucking much.
If I had to guess, it was Nel who’d run his mouth.
I knew he’d told Tunan, and I’d bet a million that he’d told Auntie, and Auntie told my mama.
However the whispers went, I knew it had started with Nel’s ass.
When I ran my hand down my face and looked back at my mother, she was staring right at me. “A baby girl, um? Who is her mother? Pretty little sinner?” She lit up when she mentioned Solana.
“Mama, that math wouldn’t math. Solana and I haven’t known each other long enough to produce a child.”
“Hmph.”
“I didn’t know about her—the baby. She and her mother were… caught up in…sum’n. I’m still processin’ myself. I wasn’t gonna hold it from you for long, I just wanted—”
“I don’t mean to cut you off, son, but I understand. And you don’t owe me an explanation. As bad as I would love to meet her, I trust your judgment first, Shio. Always have.”
“I ’preciate that, Mama. But I was sayin’, I wanted to get the DNA back first. We did a test, but we had to do another one cuz the first one was incomplete.
Baby girl cut up so bad that the tech that came by the house didn’t get enough skin cells or whatever to complete the test back at the lab.
She didn’t act no better at the hospital. Me and ole girl had to hold her down.”
Waiting for the second DNA test results had me more anxious than the first time.
They did a blood test on all three of us at the same hospital we used for everything mob-affiliated.
Convincing Bahati to bring her ass there with Shya had me seeing red the other day, but she finally caved and used the Range Rover I had basically given her.
Had Bahati met me at the lab the first time instead of acting like Felipe ’nem bitch asses were going to jump out of the bushes at the hospital, we would’ve had this whole thing solved by now.
Shya started showing her ass as soon as Bahati walked in with her.
Even I couldn’t calm her down like I’d been doing at the house.
She didn’t want anyone touching her, but the phlebotomist had to draw her blood in order for me to get the answers I wanted.
Bahati and I had to hold her down, and that shit had hurt my feelings.
Now that the lab had what they needed, I was waiting for that email telling me Shya was mine, and then I’d make the familial introductions.
I told the doctor before I left that there better not be any more bullshit with the test results because I was not putting Shya through that shit again.
“And how do you feel about what the results may be, son?” my mama asked, shaking me from my memory of what happened the other day.
“I don’t really know,” I replied truthfully. “I been busy while trying to find a good medium between gettin’ to know the little girl but also not gettin’ attached, but I ain’t gon’ lie. She looks like you, Mama.”
My mother beamed before a small smile settled on her face. “Son, it’s okay to be scared. It’s also okay to not know everything. Sometimes, things happen without us understanding the details surrounding it, and sometimes it’s not for us to understand.”
“I hear you, Mama.”
“You always do. But I want you to understand me, Shio. Understand that God makes no mistakes, baby. I won’t ask you any details because that will only make me want to meet her more now that you say she favors me.
I’ll find out everything I need to know when she’s crossing my threshold, or I’m crossing yours. ”
I heard my mother loud and clear, and I also understood her words for what they were.
However, there was a logical explanation for everything.
As a man, I’d learned that to be a fact.
The Rodríguezes getting to Bahati and knowing she and Shya existed before me couldn’t have been a case of them having one up on me.
If it had been, then I was losing my fucking edge.
If Shya wasn’t mine, there wouldn’t be a crevice on this Earth where Bahati could hide.
I’d kill her, have my doctors resuscitate her, and kill her ass again.
But if she were mine, it meant I had missed years—pivotal years—of her life.
Shya was so put off by being in my home that she cried and didn’t talk to anyone, not even her mama.
If she were mine, I’d be sick to my stomach because of our predicament and the hand I played in it.
I missed her birth, Bahati’s pregnancy, Bahati’s belly kicks, and the initial finding out I was becoming a father before actually becoming one.
I’d missed the late-night snack runs for Bahati’s cravings and taking the night shift so Bahati could sleep.
I’d missed doctors’ appointments, cutting the cord during the birth.
I’d missed the chance to soothe her after her first shots, hearing her first words, and seeing her first steps.
I’d missed one of the most vital places for a Black man to be present, knowing how important representation was in the delivery room.
Mortality rates are highest among Black women because of a lack of village and the stigmas in healthcare surrounding Black people.
Bahati could have died bringing a life into this world that was connected to me.
The entire situation sat deep in my soul, and I kept it there because I was afraid of acknowledging all of it.
My mama placed her hand back on my face, this time, having to lean in since I was further away from her. “It will all work out as it should, son. Trust in the Lord and more than that, trust yourself. Take as much time as you need. I’ll be here… I’m always here.”
“I know, Mama.”
“Good.” She grinned. “Now…”
“What else, Mama?”
“Where is my pretty little sinner? She taking this okay?”
“What makes you think Solana’s opinion in the situation matters?” I chuckled with the shake of my head.
“Oh boy! I changed your damn diapers. I know things.”
“Yeah? What do you know?”
“I know that Solana is special. But before she can be special to anyone, she needs to get right.”
“With the Lord?”
“No. With herself, and then the Lord. That baby is fighting big demons.” My mama patted my cheek again and then stood.
“Now, come on. My favorite son is taking me to lunch and then dropping me off at the hair salon. I have two hours to spare before my appointment, and I want to eat at that Asian fusion spot on the bay.”
I wasn’t dressed for lunch, but what the first lady wanted, the first lady got. If I’d known this would be a visit that required us to go out, I would’ve at least thrown on a Nike Tech suit.
Towering over her, I popped my back as I stretched. “You just wanna go to that restaurant because it’s next to the Hermès store.”
“Yeap! And I may or may not have a leather appointment in the next hour. That gives us twenty minutes to get there and forty minutes to eat. That’s plenty. The Lord don’t like gluttony no way.”
“I may have a couple dollars to spare.”
“You gonna need more than a couple to buy this bag, son. Or should I go get Timothy’s Amex?” Her brows lifted.
“I think I got enough, First Lady Washington.”
“Ummhmm.” She side-eyed me. “I know you do. I was going to settle for a Celine, but since you hiding my grandbaby from me like ya name Drake instead of Shio, I gots to charge ya.”
“That ain’t Godly, Mama.”
“It ain’t, but who gone check me? Alrighty then.”
My mother had me laughing my ass off. That lady, as sanctified as she was, played no games.
“Mama,” I asked as she gathered her purse, a tangerine-colored Chanel that I couldn’t remember if I’d bought or her husband.
“Yes, son?”
“On the drive, can you tell me how you knew Solana was on drugs and I didn’t?”
“Oh, baby… I know you may sell it, but I dealt with your father having that monkey on his tail for a decade. I can spot the signs with my eyes closed.” She reached for my hand.
“You know it’s nothing you can do but let her fight it, right?
You can’t force her to get clean. She has to want to do it for herself. ”