Chapter 23
Solana Damita Ledesma
Today, I was reminded that I’d trapped my wife. I’d trapped her in an unfortunate and unconventional situation, knowing it wouldn’t be the fairy tale I promised. I write these words, the only reason I’m not as upset as I was earlier is because I’ve had my fix…
“This isn’t right! This isn’t right, and you know it!”
Tears flooded Shannon’s face, but only one eye was producing them. She began pacing back and forth with her hand on her lower back, and if it were possible, she would’ve worn a hole in the floor.
“Siana, please calm down!”
With an abrupt stop, she faced me, and I had to hold back my cringe. Her left eye was swollen, purple, and dried blood surrounded the creases.
”How can you say calm down? Look at me!”
“Siana—”
“My name is fucking Shannon! It’s SHANNON!” she shouted.
“I know your name, baby. I know it.”
“Well, stop calling me Siana!”
“You know why I call you Siana.”
She knew why. The wives were all here against their will, and many of them had active missing persons cases, so in order to keep us Cuppacios out of prison, everyone had been assigned a new name.
“I’m tired. I’m so, so, so tired, Sandro.”
Her hands dropped to her sides, and air deflated her chest. Every time we had this conversation, I felt the urge to go numb.
The only reason I hadn’t killed myself was because of cocaine.
What started as a recreational drug turned into a coping mechanism for me.
I knew I wasn’t doing right by my wife or my son, so the drugs became my escape.
Plus, if I killed myself, I’d have to kill my son and wife too.
I’d have to kill them both because there was no way I was leaving them here to fend for themselves against the other Cuppacios.
I knew she was tired. She had every right to be tired.
Her eye was swollen shut. And I’m sure if she lifted her shirt, there would be bruises all over her abdomen, but this wasn’t at my hands.
It was the work of Don. It was rare that he put his hands on the other wives, but it wasn’t uncommon for him to unleash his wrath, not only on my wife but also on the others.
There was no rhyme or reason as to why he did it, but he did.
Shannon had taken too many beatings. She’d taken too many rapings too. Above all, she’d taken it all in the name of love. Because, unlike the other wives, she did love her husband. She did love me.
“I’m tired of pretending. You need to tell them.”
“I can’t.”
Shannon shook her head. “You need to tell them, or I will!”
“And then what, Shannon? Huh? What will that change? What will telling them change?”
“It will change everything, Sandro! Our son can be safe, and we can move away. We can start a new life. I can get a job, you can get a job. We don’t have to live like this. I can find my family, and they will help. You promised me—”
“I know what I promised! I… know!”
“Well, you need to tell them.”
“How? What would I say?”
‘“Hey, family. I didn’t actually kidnap my wife. She is the love of my life. I brought her in under the guise that I kidnapped her.’ That’s what the fuck you say, Sandro.”
I really wanted to, I truly did. But Shannon didn’t understand.
The only way she and I could be together in the way we are is if the Don believed I had kidnapped her, or if they thought she was trafficked.
All of our wives were trafficked—every last one of them.
They had been kidnapped or sold to us. Many of them were sold out by their own families.
The rest had been snatched up without even knowing.
They already had questions when I showed up with Siana—well, Shannon.
I came up with this big story that I crossed state lines and took her. That was a lie.
Shannon and I had been dating for over a year.
She didn’t know that I was affiliated with the mob at first. By the time she found out, we were already in love.
I’d already asked her to marry me. She was already wearing my ring.
Not only did she not know that I was a mobster, but she also didn’t know I was six years older than her.
She was a minor. I was an adult. But she was the love of my life.
I somehow convinced her to go along with my story about me snatching her up so she could be brought in.
However, I left out the part where the rest of my mobster family members were evil, vindictive, and abusive.
Shannon thought she was being brought into a loving, close-knit family, but in reality, I led her into her own personal hell.
“Shannon, baby, listen. We cannot move away. We cannot move away and start a new life. They will find us. They will find us, and they will do unthinkable things to us. There are things out here that are far worse than death. I’m sorry that I dragged you into this.
But it’s our reality now. We have to get through it as best we can.
That is why behind these doors, I make sure to create a safe, loving, and secure environment. ”
“How secure is it really? How? They come in here and snatch my son and me up. It’s inhumane the way they treat our baby!
We live like animals! Like fucking stray dogs!
Your family is not only sick, but they are racists!
They are fucking racists, and the things they are exposing these children to aren’t right. None of this is right!”
“I know it isn’t right. But there is only one of me and so many of them! This mob life is for life! It is my birthright. It is my son’s birthright. I do not agree with how they handle you, but Shio will need the lessons. He will need the lessons in order to be great.”
“You are just as sick as they are! He is a child. What he needs is love. He needs love and a stable home environment! He needs his father to love him out loud! He doesn’t need a coward for a father!”
“Baby—”
Shannon lifted her hand, silencing me. ”Do you think I want to be constantly beaten?
Do you think I want my son to be abused all the time?
Do you think I want to be forced to sleep with the other man as if I took vows with them and not with you?
Do you think I want to be loved behind closed doors and treated like I’m nothing but a slave in front of your people?
You did this, Sandro!” She pointed at her eye.
”You may not have been the one to put his hands on me.
You may not be the one who rapes me. You may not be the one who puts our son through all this strenuous stuff that his little body can’t even handle, but it’s your fault because you could have left me alone.
But you just had to drag me into this situation because you didn’t want to be miserable and alone! ”
”Baby, that’s not true. I love you. I can’t live without you.”
“So that means you can’t live without Tunan’s mom, either, right? What, you don’t think I know? You don’t think I know you took my son to Memphis? I’m not stupid, Sandro. What I am is tired. What I am is fed up. What about everything you promised me?”
“I remember everything I promised you.”
“No, you don’t know. You don’t, you don’t, you don’t at all.”
“I do!”
“You don’t! Walks on the river. A city of my choice for forty-eight hours.
Visits to wineries. Take me back to where you come from in Italy, remember?
Dinner at the best steakhouses on random days, not just on weekends.
You promised me all of this, and the only thing that you’ve delivered is heartache.
I hate it here. I hate you. I hate my life.
And if you think for one minute that our son won’t resent you for this for the life you’ve given us, you can think again.
You hide behind the drugs and behind the Bible, but you’re no man of God.
You are the Devil. I hate the day I met you.
And one day, my son will make sure we escape this hell.
And when that day comes, you will be burning in the real Hell.
You won’t get a chance to see us happy, and you damn sure won’t put your demons on my child.
He’s going to be the opposite of all of this. ”
”Shannon, baby, let’s just talk.”
“I’m done talking. I’ll talk when all of you motherfuckers are dead.”
“Walks on the river?”
I remembered seeing that written somewhere in the journal.
I just couldn’t remember where, so I flipped through the book to see if there was a connection.
I was about to give up until I came across Shio’s handwriting.
I knew it was his handwriting because it was so different from his father’s, and I’d seen it on many of the papers in his office.
Things to Do with My Wife
Walks on the river
A city of my choice for 48 hours
Visits to wineries
Take her to where I come from
Dinner at the best steakhouses on random days
Lo
Boom Boom Boom Boom Boom
The book slipped from my hands, falling on the side of the toilet.
“Shit!”
The banging on the door startled me, and my nerves rattled. Swiping the book from the floor, I closed it, opened the cabinet underneath the sink, and stuffed it behind a bottle of cleaning solution.
Boom Boom Boom
“Who is it?” I yelled from the bathroom.