Chapter 30
Solana Damita Ledesma
The soreness in my vagina shot through my body with each step I took.
Nibbling on my thumb, I paced the room. My vagina wasn’t even the sorest thing on my body.
Every limb ached, and the hot bath I’d soaked in using Jisei’s tub didn’t help.
Shio was very attentive and helpful the night I gave my body to him, telling me a bath was necessary.
I had yet to regret giving Shio my body last night.
Everything was perfectly imperfect. I never thought I’d be losing my virginity in a makeshift rehab, but I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.
From the moment he entered my body, cocaine had been more than an afterthought.
There was no the drugs could ever give me a high better than when Shio touched, licked, sucked, and entered my body.
However, when the littles came down here to alert me that Shio was hosting a private dinner and they hinted at him proposing to Bahati, I wanted nothing more than to take a bump.
Usually, when I felt the urge or was tired of my own body causing me pain, whether mentally or physically, I read the journal.
But the metal door was open, and I was unsure about the camera working.
I also thought Shio could’ve set up another camera before leaving in the early morning hours since I would have his daughter alone in here tonight.
The round-faced, two-foot-tall human was making it impossible for me to lock myself in the bathroom to read more of Sandro’s confessions.
Her round eyes watched me as I paced the length of the floor.
Everyone looked so nice as they said their goodbyes and left.
I’d even heard the voices of the glam team upstairs getting everyone ready.
I was too afraid to leave the basement and speak to the trio although I knew seeing them would lift my mood.
I didn’t want to explain why I was here, tucked away in the basement with a prison-style door.
Once the house went quiet, everyone gone to the dinner proposal, I sulked.
Shya and I could’ve walked around the townhouse, but I felt safest in the basement.
When Shio carried me to Jisei’s bathtub before he left this morning, it felt good to get out of the basement and see how cute and feminine Jisei’s home was.
When I’d been dragged here, I hardly paid attention to my surroundings, so shaken by Shio thinking I’d been responsible for Shya finding a baggie of drugs.
Though the home had been filled with the littles, it still smelled and felt like Jisei as I looked around when coming back down to the basement.
My mouth went dry, thinking about the girls showing up for Shio tonight.
I loved them. I felt a connection to them like I never had with anyone before, but Shio had their loyalty and I understood that.
They didn’t owe me anything, although I was grateful for the comfort and solace they had provided during my time here.
Time spent with them had healed a part of me that I hadn’t known needed mending.
The laughs we shared and the tears we shed were therapeutic.
They would forever hold a special place in my heart once I gained the courage to leave this room and make something of my life.
Shya’s eyes bounced from the TV to me as I walked, and when she took one long blink, I stopped. Dropping my arms to my side, I watched her blink again and tilt forward a bit while sitting on the mattress.
“Am I making you mareada (dizzy)?”
Her response was another blink.
Shio had fulfilled his promise and dropped her off earlier this morning.
He walked her in, handed her to me, and then proceeded to change the sheets.
He had changed them last night, but I had bled onto the mattress protector, and since he couldn’t locate one, he brought a brand-new one with him.
Closing my eyes, I inhaled deeply and could almost smell his cologne in the room with us.
As soon as he changed the sheets, he pulled me into his chest. Sore and all, my panties were drenched, along with the panty liner.
Even after soaking in the tub, I was still spotting.
I was starting to believe that Shio had split something open down there.
“That pussy ain’t ready for me again,” he said into my hair, in only a voice that he and I could interpret.
He kissed my forehead, and then he was gone.
No mouth-to-mouth. No, I love you. No confession of need.
I gathered my feelings and made the best of my morning with Shya.
Between playing toddler games and watching Ms. Rachel, we enjoyed each other’s presence.
She had a few fussy moments, but Italian had brought us all types of snacks and foods throughout the day, which fixed that.
I’d finally met Glow’s sister’s baby also.
She was so tiny and precious, a real-life baby doll.
When Italian came back down to get her, I met Glee too.
Once it was Shya and me again, I changed her hair.
I was on a natural high being with her and doing all the things I wished someone had done with me as a little girl.
Still reminiscing about the night before while spending time with his daughter, I fought the thoughts of Shya being Shio and mine, and not Shio and Bahati’s.
It was crazy that thoughts of Shio having a child with another woman infuriated me, but when Shya was in my presence, it all went away, just as it did when she was rescued by her father.
Shya was adorable, and she hadn’t asked to be here.
Plus, I knew all too well how it felt for a woman who held the heart of a father to not accept his child. I’d never be that way.
Shya didn’t deserve that.
Shio telling me that he loved me felt unreal, and last night was filled with nothing less than passion.
It was intense. It was necessary, and even though I was in this room losing my mind—losing a battle of needing—I would absolutely do it all over again and not change a thing if given the chance.
I never thought I would lose my virginity to a man like Shio.
A man who had gutted me in the best way.
A man whom I was absolutely and truly in love with.
His taking it was special to me, even though nothing was meant to come of it.
But that was why I was pacing the room. It is why Shya had taken her attention from Ms. Rachel on the TV to me.
He was marrying her, solidifying the reality that nothing would come of us.
I knew nothing would change. I had said it to him and myself as he entered me, repeatedly making my body convulse in confusion last night.
Shio and I couldn’t be together because I still had my struggles.
I didn’t have any direction in life. I was a visitor in this foreign land.
I was a long way away from a man like Shio making me his.
But who was I kidding? There wasn’t a man alive like Shio. I was sure I’d never have another opportunity to be loved and adorned the way I knew Shio would love and adorn me.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to yell. I wanted to fight.
Most of all, I wanted to feel.
Shya blinked those baby doll eyes at me.
I eased down onto the mattress beside her, the very mattress that her father had laid me down on and made me feel like I was his.
A man like Shio could tell you the truth a million times, but your mind still came up with its own conclusions because it was him.
I felt myself growing mad again. I felt the delusional arguments creating themselves on why Shio should be with me and not Bahati.
I had to suppress my feelings and change my thoughts because Shya didn’t deserve that energy.
“Your madre and padre will become one soon.”
Shya blinked in response.
“He’s probably on one knee as we speak.”
Picking up the phone, I checked the time and locked the screen with a huff. I didn’t want to go to my text thread because I didn’t trust myself. I probably would text one of the girls or even Shio. I didn’t need to hurt my own feelings further by begging.
Lesson number five.
Holding my arms out, Shya looked down at them for a second before climbing into them.
We were both in pajamas, having changed just before the littles left.
We were supposed to have a pajama night and had even taken pictures that I sent to Shio.
I knew it was risky because her mother didn’t like me and had even attacked me, but I couldn’t help myself.
What were the odds that the pajamas Shio packed for her and me were similar?
Just as I sent the pictures, Bella came down and notified me about what was about to happen. I had been pacing ever since.
He’d told me nothing would change but something had changed. We’d crossed a line I didn’t want to come back from, and his first action after telling me he loved me was to propose to the mother of his child. Not only that, but allowing me to keep their child while the act was being done was cynical.
Shya rested her head on my chest as if to help my pounding heart. Her two puff balls smelled of coconut and seemed to have grown since the last time I saw her.
Rubbing my hand through her fluffy hair, I sighed. “At least I’m not alone.”
My mind drifted back to the proposal. How did he do it?
Did he prepare a speech? Did he shed a tear?
Was she surprised, or had she had a hunch?
The thought of her getting what I just had for the rest of her life did more than infuriate me.
It destroyed me. Was last night sympathy sex?
Was he taking a chance to get me out of his system before he got with the woman he really wanted?
Wrapping my arms around Shya, I pressed my nose into her hair. “Sé feliz de que eres una bebé. (Be happy that you’re a baby.)”