Chapter 16
Madison followed Dante out. Why was she never good enough? Only Dante had stood up for her against her mom. He might have only did it because he appeared to feel sorry for her. No matter how hard she tried or what she did, it wasn’t enough.
Even if she won the competition, her mother would have something to say. At least Dante didn’t fall for her mom’s tricks. Her mom assumed she was too stupid to know that any boy she brought over or who asked her out ended up sleeping with her mom.
Her mom was the reason she never had a boyfriend and was a virgin. She looked over at him as he drove them back to his place. She could tell he was upset. She put her hand on his thigh and squeezed it.
She supposed that he was mad for her until he took her hand off his thigh. Then she realized he was mad at her, but why?
“Why are you mad at me?”
“What makes you think I’m even mad, let alone mad with you?”
“Well, one, your jaw is tight and you’re gripping the wheel like you want to kill it. I think you’re mad at me because you moved my hand. You never don’t want me to touch you. Even when you’re mad. You say I calm you down.”
“Do you think maybe I don’t want to calm down?”
“Why not?”
“They disrespected you and no one said anything.”
“It was only my mom.”
“No, your brother and father just let her put you down.”
“Thanks for not taking my mom up on her advances.”
“You knew?”
“Yes. I’m not as stupid as you all think I am.” Or maybe she was. “Besides, the guys told me they slept with my mom. So maybe I didn’t know at first, but everyone made sure I knew after the fact.” There was pity in his eyes. “Nope.” She held up her hand. “Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”
“Then didn’t what Henry said change your mind? He might die. Do you want to give up your chance to get what you’ve been working so hard toward to do something for someone who can’t even stand up for you. I would cut them off.”
“Did you cut Enzo off?”
“No.” His jaw clenched again.
“Why?”
“Because he’s family.” Came out between gritted teeth.
“Exactly. It can’t be only family counts for you.”
“You’re right.” He came around the car and opened the door for her like he always did and pulled her out and into his arms. He wrapped her in a hug. She wanted to cry. But she didn’t.
“He even said you could still do the interview. You don’t need to be there the whole time. Will you consider still doing the interview?”
“I just want to go inside. I’m ready for bed.”
Madison followed Dante up the steps. She didn’t think she and Dante would work out. They were just too different. And the most important thing was he had different rules for her than for himself and expected her to follow those rules.
She wasn’t a child, and she didn’t appreciate that he treated her as such.
Madison slipped off her shoes. She would leave after she gave his money back.
She knew today had been an emotional day and that she didn’t want to make any decisions, but in her heart she knew she needed to walk away.
She was glad she went back on her birth control after the first night.
“Are you sure you don’t want something to eat?”
“Yeah. I don’t think my stomach can handle anything right now.”
“You feel sick?” His voice was hopeful and his eyes dropped to her stomach.
“No, it’s just the stress of the day.”
“Do you want me to run a bath for you?”
“No, thank you. I think I’ll just take a quick shower and go to sleep. It’s been a long day.”
“Ok.” Dante walked up behind her and wrapped her in a hug. He kissed the side of her head.
Dante wasn’t making her a better person. He agreed with that small part of her that was wrong and selfish and didn’t want to give Henry the kidney or be there for him during the biopsy and go to her interview instead.
They had a routine where they would undress each other and he followed her to the bedroom. With her back still to him she moved her hair to the side and he unzipped her and placed kisses along the exposed skin.
She knew no one would be any nicer or act like she mattered any more than what her family did now, which was nothing.
She tamped down the voice and reaffirmed her commitment to give Henry the kidney and to being there for him during the biopsy instead of showing up after her interview.
They were starting to become friends, and she was sure this would bring them closer.
“Thank you.” She turned and was efficient as she helped him out of his suit jacket and unbuttoned his shirt. She kissed his chest before she slid the shirt down his arms.
Maybe she had to ask Henry to stand up for her. Maybe he didn’t think she wanted him to speak up about her mother’s behavior. She would tell him after the surgery and hope that she would have atoned to a higher power for wishing she didn’t have these responsibilities in secret.
She stepped out of her dress and then unbuckled his belt, undid his pants, and went to push them and his boxer briefs down his legs when Dante stopped her.
“It’s ok, you don’t have to. Go and take your shower. I’ll be out here. I have a couple of things to do.”
“Thank you.” It was normal for them to shower together, but he was giving her much needed space to think.
She wished that she could be young and carefree like her friends or what friends she did have. Her and Zoe had grown closer, and she hadn’t pushed Madison away when she found out she was dating Dante. Not like how Sabrina had.
She still hadn’t been able to address Sabrina’s feelings. She knew Henry had said Sabrina was jealous of Madison, but Madison had no idea it ran so deep. Madison figured it had to do with frustration from the competition.
It had Madison on edge, and she was in first place. She couldn’t imagine how Sabrina was feeling, and Madison needed to remember that and be more mindful of how Sabrina was experiencing things.
Madison got ready for bed and lay down on her side like normal. Later, Dante came to bed and pulled her close like they had always been sleeping together. But it was different. She was stiff in his arms.
She didn’t want to end the last of her time like this. So like anything else she pushed it down and did what she believed was right in the situation and not what was best for her. She relaxed. She couldn’t bring herself to have sex with him, not that he had asked.
She couldn’t because she knew it wasn’t going to be make up sex, but goodbye sex. At least for her and she wanted to have the good times fresh in her memory and not this sad one.
She cried.
“Shh, baby. It’s ok. Let it all out.”
His words only made her cry harder. Dante rocked her to sleep. Her last memory was as if her heart was breaking. It had become more and more obvious; she was body, heart, and soul in love with a mobster. And she needed to walk away.
****
Dante noticed the change in Madison. He had given her some space and had held her when she cried last night. He had empathized with her and wished he could take away her pain, but he couldn’t do more than that. Not if he didn’t want to make her more upset.
But she had been stiff in his arms, and her speech was disjointed the next morning. He could see her brain working out a solution, and he hoped he won out. But by lunch, he knew it wouldn’t happen.
“I need to go back to my apartment to work on my project. I have some last-minute finishing touches to make. Besides, I need to prepare for Friday.”
“Are you doing the interview?” He sounded hopeful, but he knew what the answer would be.
“Dante. You know I can’t do that. I need to be there for Henry. He needs me.”
“What time is the surgery again?”
“It’s at noon, but there is no reason you need to be there. I know you don’t approve, and I don’t want that negativity between both of you.”
“Even though I disagree, it doesn’t mean I won’t be there to support you.”
“Well, just so you know. I don’t expect you to be there. So if there is something else you need to do, you can do it. I won’t be upset. Besides, I’ll be sitting and waiting, so there won’t be much to do.”
Dante was hurt. After all they had been through she didn’t want him by her side when she might need him the most. She was giving up on them, and he couldn’t allow it.
“What is this? There is something that you’re not telling me.
” He knew now, or at least was ready to admit that he loved Madison.
He wanted her in his life for as long as she would stay.
“I guess it’s nerves for my showing at fashion week. I need to win.”
He just hoped this wasn’t the end.
****
On Thursday, Dante showed up at the club. Would Madison would call out? They had texted and talked on the phone while they were apart, but it wasn’t the same.
So he was surprised when she came in and came up to his office like their routine.
“Hey.” He moved his chair away from the desk so that she could come and sit in his lap like was their routine, but she didn’t move from just inside the doorway.
Regret flickered across her face before it was gone.
“I just came up to bring you the money back. I don’t need the extra, and please don’t add anything to tonight’s either.” She walked toward the desk and then went back and closed and locked the door. She placed the money on the desk but didn’t move around it to sit in his lap.
“What’s up?”
“I’m sorry, Dante. I can’t do this right now. With all the things going on, I don’t have the time to devote to a relationship.”
“That’s bullshit, and you know it. Things are slowing down for you. Fashion week is next week, and then you will start your new job.”
She looked away.
“Just tell it to me straight. You’re not a good liar, and I think I deserve the truth.”
“I don’t want to be in a relationship with you anymore. My time here is up, and I think it’s best if we just make a clean break. No hard feelings. It just didn’t work out.”
“You mean you didn’t want it to work out.”
“That’s not true.”
“Whatever, Madison. I don’t have time for your games. I’m too old for this shit.”
“We’re just too different. Besides I realized I’m not comfortable with your, uh–” She touched her neck. “—background.”
Instead of having her leave, he got up and walked away. He unlocked the door and left her in the office alone. Dante didn’t stop until he reached his car and then he got in and drove.
He drove for hours. Past the time of her sets until he knew she would be gone and then he headed back.
She had a key to his place. Would she be there when he got back?
But when he came in the house was empty.
In the bedroom, her things were gone. Where had she left the key, or did she keep it in case she changed her mind?
He found the key under the mat in an envelope that had “sorry” written across it.
He wanted to punch something. To scream and rant and rave. He wanted to convince her to give them a go. To tell her how much he loved her, but she didn’t love him back and didn’t want to try and grow to love him.
How was it that less than a week ago he had introduced her to his parents for the first time and now they were no longer together. Life sucked.
****
Madison took the bus to Henry’s house that morning.
She would drive them to the hospital in his car and then drive him back.
She was going to stay the night with him and see how he was in the morning.
This was the new plan since the surgery was just for Henry and no longer required her for this part.
She knew Dante had wanted to be there for her so she didn’t have to be alone. Who knew if her parents would show up. She brought a book to keep her company and keep her mind off of the fact that she would miss her interview.
She didn’t know how it had happened, and she never would have expected that she would fall in love with a mobster. Sure he wasn’t hardcore, but he was still part of the mafia.
Instead of her usual mode of trying harder, she had gone to the other extreme and had run away from him and her feelings. It was too much. It wouldn’t work. She couldn’t believe she had believed it was a good idea to bring a baby into their relationship.
She was glad that something had made her decide to start taking her birth control again. She knew she should have discussed it with Dante as he didn’t know she was back on her pills. Sometimes she would see him eyeing her stomach.
All it took was one time. She hoped she wasn’t pregnant. Although she frowned for thinking so. She wished she had a part of Dante that she could keep and love and that would love her back unlike the baby’s father.
Her period was late, but it could have just been from the stress of everything. She was pretty regular and even with not taking the one pill on time, she didn’t think it would change her cycle.
She had taken a pregnancy test, but it had come back negative.
It could have been too early. She knew they would give her a pregnancy test before the transplant so she guessed she would find out soon enough.
If it still hadn’t come before they rescheduled the transplant, then she would buy another test.