Chapter 20 #2
I nodded, too quickly again. “Yeah. Just… cold.”
“Well,” she said gently, reaching out to brush my arm, “go warm up. There’s tea downstairs if you want.”
I smiled back, smaller this time. “Okay.”
As I turned to leave, I caught Mum’s reflection one more time, and that fragile hope inside me wobbled.
The doorbell rang downstairs and Mum startled, then laughed at herself. “That’ll be him.”
Lavender clapped her hands once. “Okay, moment of truth.”
Mum grabbed her coat, hesitating just long enough to look at herself one last time. She inhaled, squared her shoulders, and turned to us with a smile that was equal parts excitement and nerves. “Wish me luck?”
“Good luck,” Lavender said immediately, bright and genuine.
I swallowed. “Have fun.”
Her smile softened when she looked at me, like she knew I was giving her something harder than it looked. “I will,” she promised. “Be good while I’m gone.”
We followed her halfway down the stairs, stopping as she slipped on her shoes and opened the front door.
The door opened the wrong way for us to be able to see him, but I tried to imagine the kind of man that my mother would choose to go out.
As hard as I tried, though, the only man I could picture was my dad.
After she walked out, promising she wouldn’t be home too late, Lavender sighed.
“So,” she said lightly, too lightly. “That happened.”
“Yeah,” I said. I headed toward the kitchen, suddenly desperate for something warm. “She looked nice.”
“She did.” Lavender followed me, leaning against the counter. “I’m glad she’s going out again.”
I nodded, wrapping my hands around a mug I hadn’t even filled yet. The words tumbled out before I could stop them. “What if she didn’t, though?”
Lavender stilled.
“What if,” I went on, heart pounding now, “this was just… temporary. What if she’s just lonely and she doesn’t actually want this long-term?”
Lavender’s eyes flicked to me, sharp and assessing. “Where is this coming from?”
I hesitated. Then, quietly, I admitted, “I saw Dad today.”
Silence stretched between us, thick and uncomfortable.
“He said he’d come to the party,” I said finally. The words felt huge in the space. “Just for a bit. Cake.”
Lavender closed her eyes briefly. “Imogen…”
“I know,” I rushed to say. “I know it’s complicated. But it’s our birthday. And it’s not like I told Mum. I just—” I stopped, breath hitching. “I just thought… maybe if he was around more, if things felt normal again…”
“Normal,” Lavender repeated, flat.
I nodded, hope flaring despite everything. “Maybe it could help. Maybe Mum would remember how things used to be. Maybe—”
Lavender pushed off the counter. “No.”
The word cut clean through me.
“No?” I echoed.
“No,” she said again, firmer now. “Imogen, that’s not fair to her.”
My chest tightened. “I just want our family back.”
Lavender’s expression softened for a heartbeat—then hardened into something resolute. “I get that. I really do. But wanting it doesn’t make it right.”
“He’s trying,” I insisted. “He messed up, but he’s trying now. People deserve second chances.”
“He cheated on her,” Lavender snapped, the restraint finally cracking. “For months. He didn’t just make a mistake—he made choices. Over and over again.”
“That doesn’t mean he didn’t love her,” I said, my voice breaking. “Or us.”
Lavender stared at me. “And that doesn’t mean Mum has to settle for someone who broke her heart just because it would make you feel better.”
“That’s not what I mean,” I whispered.
“It’s how it sounds,” she shot back. “She deserves more than going back to a man who only realized what he lost after it was gone.”
I shook my head, tears stinging now. “You don’t get it.”
“I do,” Lavender said quietly. “I just don’t agree with you.”
Something sharp twisted in my chest.
“You never do,” I shot back before I could stop myself.
Lavender blinked. “That’s not fair.”
“It feels fair,” I said, my voice rising despite my effort to keep it steady. “Every time I talk about Dad, you look at me like I’m stupid for even trying.”
“That’s not what I’m doing,” she said, jaw tightening. “I’m trying to protect Mum.”
“And I’m not?” I demanded. “I’m her kid too.”
Lavender let out a breath, rubbing her temple. “Imogen, protecting someone doesn’t mean dragging them back into something that hurt them.”
“He hurt all of us,” I snapped. “But he’s still our dad.”
“Yes,” Lavender said firmly. “And he’s also the man who lied to her face. Who let her believe things were fine while he was seeing someone else.”
My throat burned. “People change.”
“Sometimes,” Lavender said. “But Mum already gave him years to change. She doesn’t owe him anything else.”
“I’m not saying she owes him,” I said, hands curling into fists. “I’m saying maybe she still loves him. Maybe she just needs a reminder.”
Lavender stared at me like I’d said something unforgivable. “That’s not your reminder to give.”
The words landed heavy and final.
“So what,” I said, shaking now, “you think I should just give up on him? On our family?”
“I think,” Lavender said carefully, “that you’re clinging to the version of Dad you remember because it’s easier than accepting the one he actually was.”
“That’s not true,” I said, my voice breaking. “You don’t know what he’s like now.”
“I know what he was like when Mum was crying in the bathroom at three in the morning,” Lavender shot back. “I know what it was like picking up the pieces while he was off pretending everything was fine.”
I flinched like she’d slapped me.
“That’s not fair,” I whispered.
Lavender’s expression faltered for just a second—but she didn’t take it back. “It’s the truth.”
Tears blurred my vision. I shook my head, stepping back. “You don’t want them back together because you don’t want to see him. That doesn’t mean Mum wouldn’t.”
“That doesn’t mean she should,” Lavender said quietly. “And it definitely doesn’t mean you get to decide that for her.”
“I wasn’t deciding,” I said, my voice cracking completely now. “I was just… hoping.”
Lavender sighed, long and tired. “Hope can still hurt people.”
“Well maybe I don’t care,” I said, the words spilling out hot and ugly. “Maybe I just want my family back, even if it isn’t perfect for you.”
Lavender’s eyes widened. “Imogen—”
“I need to go,” I said abruptly, turning away before she could finish.
I bolted for the stairs, my feet pounding against the steps as tears finally spilled over. I heard Lavender call my name once, sharp with concern, but I didn’t stop.
I shoved my bedroom door open and slammed it shut behind me, the sound echoing in the too-quiet house.
I crossed the room in a few unsteady steps and threw myself onto the bed, burying my face into the pillow as sobs tore out of me, raw and helpless.
My shoulders shook, breath coming in broken gasps.
Dad was coming back into a house that was already moving on.