Second Epilogue
Twelve and a half years later
Ashley took a deep breath and walked up the brick walkway to the cream colored, two-story house with black trim, shutters, and matching front door. As she ascended the five steps to the front porch, which wrapped around one side of the house, she took in the hanging swing for two, with bright floral cushions and pillows on it, and the lush, hanging ferns that gave the house a genteel charm.
From the neatly trimmed lawn, to the well-tended flower beds, this was a house that was meticulously taken care of and loved, and she felt a quick pang of envy before pushing it away.
In front of the door was a welcome mat, and as she stood on it, she hoped this wasn’t going to turn out to be one of the worst decisions of her life, before knocking.
When the door opened, Ashley found herself face-to-face with David for the first time since that awful day in court when she signed the custody papers. She took a moment to admire him in the cargo pants and navy polo shirt he was wearing, both of which fit very well. He looked almost the same as she remembered, with the exception of a few more lines on his face and generous streaks of silver in his hair, which was shorter than it used to be, but still longer than most men his age were wearing it. He was now clean-shaven, as well, and to Ashley that was the biggest difference in his appearance.
Just days away from his fiftieth birthday, Ashley couldn’t help but marvel at how good it looked on him. Really good.
“Hello, David,” she greeted him.
“Ashley,” he returned politely.
When she’d finally managed to get in touch with him at his studio (after coming to the conclusion he was either ignoring her calls to his cell phone or had blocked her number), and put forth her request, she’d expected him to tell her to fuck off. To her surprise, however, he’d listened to her, and to her further surprise, he’d also agreed to discuss her request with Paige and Jacob.
“But it’ll be Jacob’s decision,” David had warned.
“I understand,” she’d replied.
After a few days, David had called Ashley back, letting her know Jacob had agreed to see her. Hearing that filled her with a nervous anticipation, and now, with the meeting imminent, she felt a little nauseous.
“Thank you for this. I appreciate it,” she told David.
“You’re welcome.”
He stepped back and invited her inside the house, then took her coat and purse, hanging them on hooks just inside the door, and leaving her to hold the small, wrapped gift she’d brought. Once past the foyer, she could see the first floor had an open floor plan, with the living room and kitchen sharing one space. The kitchen looked like the heart of the house, with a giant island, beautiful custom maple cabinetry, acres of granite countertops, and stainless, high-end appliances. The living room was dominated by a massive leather sectional, that looked like it got a lot of use, probably when the family was watching their favorite shows on the big-screen TV hanging over the gas fireplace.
He told her to wait in the living room, and after excusing himself to go upstairs for a few minutes (probably to announce her arrival), Ashley started walking around, looking at the knick-knacks that were displayed. She was careful not to touch or move anything, not wanting to leave any sign of ‘snooping’, but before she got even halfway through the room, her exploration was halted at the sight of a large black cat sleeping on a tufted, wingback chair in the far corner of the room. Almost on cue, her allergy started to make itself known and her sinuses began to tingle, so she immediately pivoted away from the cat, to put some distance between them. As she did, a row of framed photographs displayed on the mantle caught her attention and drew her over. There were a few of the entire family, but most were individual shots of Jacob and his younger brother, Julian, as they grew up and as she looked at them, the resemblance of the brothers at the same ages was quite startling.
A few moments later, when she heard footsteps on the stairs, she turned and braced herself.
David appeared first, with Paige by his side, who smiled and said politely, “Hello, Ashley.”
“Hello, Paige,” Ashley returned, injecting warmth into her voice for the woman who’d stepped in and adopted Ashley’s son after she’d chosen to relinquish custody. “Thank you for letting me come here today,” she added, smart enough to know that even though it had ultimately been Jacob’s decision, Paige’s approval had to have played a big part in the positive outcome.
“You’re welcome.” Paige’s smile was warmer this time. “You look great, by the way.”
“Thank you. So do you.”
And it was true. The subtle changes in Paige’s appearance which came with age—the fine lines around her eyes and the streaks of silver in her shoulder-length, toffee-colored hair, only seemed to enhance her looks. She was dressed casually, in black leggings and a heather-gray shirt, layered with a matching long cardigan, managing to look effortless and elegant at the same time.
More footsteps were heard coming down the stairs, and then a pre-teen, slightly gangly Julian came into view, in a pair of basketball shorts and a hoodie. In real life, his resemblance to his older brother and father was even more obvious, except for his brown eyes—his mother’s eyes.
Right behind him came Jacob, and Ashley had to catch her breath upon getting her first real glimpse of him in over fourteen years. It was almost like a punch to the gut, because pictures didn’t do him justice. The little boy from her memory banks was now a tall, young man with a muscular frame, dark, ash-brown hair worn pushed back and a little messy, and a layer of stubble on his handsome face. He was wearing jeans and a vintage, black T-shirt with the iconic Rolling Stones logo on the front, making her note with amusement that he seemed to have inherited his father’s love of classic rock music. He was also wearing a black leather cord around his neck, with a blue crystal hanging from it, and several silver rings, one of which was set with a shiny, black stone.
Ashley didn’t see any part of herself in him, and that was okay, she decided. Just knowing she’d helped make this person was enough for her to appreciate, even if it hadn’t been done honestly.
With the arrival of the two boys, came a strange moment where introductions would normally occur, but Julian plowed through it by announcing in a voice which was just beginning to deepen, “I’m Julian.”
“It’s nice to meet you, Julian,” Ashley replied. “I’m Ashley.”
“I know who you are.”
“Julian,” Paige murmured, the admonishment delivered softly, but with a hint of tolerant exasperation.
“What? I do.”
Paige sighed. “Never mind.”
Taking a deep breath, Ashley turned her attention to Jacob. “Hello, Jacob.”
“Hello.”
After a few awkward beats of ensuing silence, David suggested brightly, “Why don’t we all have a seat … and get comfortable?”
They all sat down, Ashley taking the nearest end of the sectional, while Paige and Julian took the farthest end and David sitting down in the middle with Jacob.
Ashley cleared her throat, suddenly feeling more anxious than she’d ever felt in her life as four people watched her. Julian, in particular, seemed curious, as if trying to reconcile the fact that his father had had a relationship with someone other than Paige, and that this someone had pretty much appeared out of nowhere and was now sitting on their couch.
“I know you have dinner plans, so I won’t take up much of your time,” Ashley said, glancing from person to person and stopping on Jacob. “I just wanted to wish you a happy 18th birthday, and bring you this.” She held the small gift out to him.
Jacob looked at the nicely wrapped present for a moment, before accepting it from her. As he started to open it, Ashley was suddenly struck by a wave of uncertainty and began second-guessing the gift; the last time she’d given someone an expensive watch, they’d hardly worn it. “You don’t have to open it now. You can wait until later if you want.”
He stopped and blinked at her. “You don’t want me to open it while you’re here?”
“I was just saying … you didn’t have to.”
Even to her own ears, her explanation sounded lame, because if she hadn’t wanted to see him open it in person, she could’ve obviously just put it in the mail. After a few more blinks at her, Jacob resumed tearing through the blue wrapping paper and when he opened the box, his expression turned to one that Ashley couldn’t decipher.
“If you don’t like it,” she quickly told him, “you don’t have to keep it—”
“No, I do like it,” he said.
“What is it?” David asked, curious.
Jacob passed him the box, and when David saw what was in it, he chuckled softly. “Now you have two,” he said, handing the box back to Jacob.
Ashley felt a twinge of disappointment. “You already have a watch?”
“Yes. The one you gave my dad.”
Stunned to hear the Breitling hadn’t been thrown in the garbage, and thrilled Jacob now owned it, she turned to David. “You kept it?”
“For Jacob, in case he wanted it when he was older. When he turned sixteen, I showed it to him and asked if he wanted it, and he … decided he did.”
“That’s … that’s really nice.” She felt her eyes tingle (and not because of the cat in the room) and blinked the threat of tears away. “But you probably don’t want two Breitlings, even if they’re different models,” she said to Jacob. “I can return it, and—”
“No. I’d like to keep it.”
“You would? Are you sure?”
He nodded. “I really do like it,” he said, setting the box on the couch, next to him. “Thank you for coming over and bringing it to me. It was very thoughtful.”
“You’re welcome.” Fighting off another wave of tears, she took a deep breath. “That’s not the only reason I wanted to come here, though.”
“It’s not?” Paige’s expression turned slightly wary.
When Ashley had gotten the green light to visit today, it had been with the understanding that the visit would be relatively short, due to the family’s dinner plans, and would be about Jacob’s birthday gift and little else. However, Ashley had told herself if the moment felt right (and she had the balls), she’d take the opportunity to say something that needed to be said to him.
That moment was here.
“No. I also wanted to, um, apologize to you.” Ashley directed the words to Jacob, who gazed back at her, his head tilting slightly. She didn’t know how much he remembered—of Liam, or of her leaving—but it stood to reason he had some memory of it, since he’d been four years old at the time. “For the bad choices I made,” she explained, hearing a tremor in her voice. “Which led me to giving up custody. I could’ve fought for you, and I didn’t because I was … not a good mother.”
A heavy silence descended over the room, and while Jacob, David, and Paige all looked shocked at Ashley’s blunt admissions, Julian’s expression was almost comical. Instead of being shocked, he seemed more baffled, his expression one of What’s going on? I thought she was just here to hand over a birthday gift.
“I appreciate the apology,” Jacob told her carefully, staring down at the floor between his feet. “I’m not going to lie and say all that didn’t have an impact on me, because it did … but I came to terms with everything that happened a long time ago.” He raised his head and gave her a brief, hesitant smile. “And I ended up with the parents I was meant to be with.”
He said the words without any anger and she was momentarily at a loss, because she’d expected some—or residual traces of it—from him. But there weren’t any.
It was so very humbling.
Clearing her throat again, she smiled gratefully at Jacob. “Yes, you did.”
Slowly, Ashley got to her feet. She’d done what she’d come here to do, and it felt like it was time to leave. “Thank you for welcoming me into your home,” she said to Paige. “But I should be going. I don’t want to interfere with your dinner plans.”
At that, Jacob leaned toward Paige and whispered something in her ear.
“I think that would be nice,” she replied back softly.
“You do?”
“Of course.”
Jacob turned back to Ashley. “If you’d like to join us for dinner, you’re welcome to. That is, if you don’t have any other plans.”
“I don’t have any other plans.” She’d gone perfectly still, stunned at the invitation. “Are you sure about this, though? I really don’t want to intrude.”
“I’m sure.”
Ashley glanced at David to get his opinion. “It’s fine,” he told her, before adding, “But you should know several other people will be there, too … in case that makes a difference to you.”
His warning tone—though extremely subtle—made it clear he thought there might be an issue between her and at least one of the ‘other people’, which prompted her to ask, “Like who?”
“My mom, for one. And … Dick.”
Hearing Valerie’s name wasn’t surprising, given the relationship had been less than warm (for which Ashley took full responsibility), and while it gave her a moment’s pause, it didn’t deter her in any way. However, Dick was a little harder to get past, because while Valerie had tried to like Ashley, Evan had openly disliked her (for which she also took full responsibility, because being a bitch had consequences).
She was on the verge of telling David she could handle his mom and best friend—and was even thinking apologies were in order upon seeing them again—when Paige threw out another name.
“My friend Jules will also be there.”
Ashley could tell by Paige’s expression that Jules was likely aware of Ashley’s past transgressions (like putting Paige in the hospital) and wasn’t a fan, but Ashley decided that wasn’t going to keep her from going to dinner, either. If Jules was one more person that needed an apology, then so be it—
“Don’t forget Uncle Mal,” Julian said.
“And Dolly,” Jacob added with an affectionate smile.
When that appeared to be the end of names, Ashley quickly took stock of the situation. As far as she could tell, three out of those five people likely weren’t going to be thrilled to see her, which wasn’t a great percentage. However, based on Jacob’s apparent fondness for Dolly (whoever she was), Ashley didn’t think she needed to worry on that front. That left Uncle Mal (whoever he was) to be the lone wild card, who could swing either way … but to be on the safe side, she wasn’t going to assume he was friendly.
She slowly became aware everyone was looking at her, clearly waiting to see if she was still going to join them for dinner or not. “It doesn’t make a difference to me. So, if I really won’t be intruding, I would like to join you for dinner,” Ashley said, then asked, “Where are you going? And what time should I be there?”
It was Paige who answered. “Cracker Barrel at 6 p.m. The one by Lakeside Mall.”
A memory surfaced of Jacob always wanting to eat there as a child, making Ashley almost chuckle. “Cracker Barrel, huh? All right.”
“Fucking Cracker Barrel,” David muttered.
“Swear jar,” Julian called out. “That’ll cost you a Lincoln.”
“I’ll pay it later.” David waved a dismissive hand at his youngest son, only to frown at his semi-slouched posture on the couch. “And sit up straight.”
“Come on, Dad. It should be your favorite restaurant,” Jacob said. “It’s the one place we go where everyone is actually older than you are.”
“That was mean,” Paige chided Jacob, only to ruin the reprimand by adding under her breath, “Accurate … but still mean.”
While the two boys laughed at their father’s expense, David pointed to the stairs like a drill sergeant. “Why don’t the three of you go and start getting ready, so we can leave on time?”
The boys got to their feet and headed upstairs. As Paige started to follow, David stopped her with a kiss. Ashley could see it wasn’t for her benefit, that it was something he probably always did, and it caused her to feel a twinge of sadness.
“Don’t do too much,” he told Paige softly. “You know I love to see your pretty face more than anything.”
“I know. But sometimes it takes a little effort to look pretty.”
“Bullshit. You’re always pretty.”
Ashley thought of all the times she’d put on elaborate make-up because she’d thought it made her look prettier for him, and she’d probably been wrong about that. One more thing in a long list of things.
After David released her, Paige started to leave the living room, only to turn back and say to Ashley, “By the way, it’s sort of a tradition to dress up for birthday dinners … no matter where we go.”
“Even to fucking Cracker Barrel,” David said.
Ashley glanced down at her skinny jeans and casual sweater, and knew she’d definitely be changing into something nicer. “Thank you for letting me know.”
“You’re welcome.”
This time, when Paige left, David let her go, watching her until she was out of sight. When he turned back to Ashley, she tilted her head. “You know, over the years, I’ve thought a lot about how things would’ve worked out if I’d been honest from the beginning,” she mused. “But it was always her, wasn’t it? Even when you were with me.”
“I think so, yes, deep down on some level,” he admitted gently.
Ashley was touched by the fact he was trying to not hurt her feelings, but hearing David had basically been on loan to her while they’d been together, actually made her feel a smidge better. It made her realize, to a certain extent, that while her actions had undoubtedly brought about the demise of their relationship much quicker than it probably would’ve occurred naturally, the demise had likely always been on the horizon. Knowing that gave her a bit of release from the regret she’d felt over destroying something that (in her mind) could’ve lasted, but it didn’t release her from the shame of her destructive actions.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to sound like a dick,” he said, in response to her pensive silence.
“You didn’t,” she quickly assured him. “I was just thinking about regrets … and shame. I’ve lived with a lot of both over the years, much of it related to Jacob, obviously, and I know my apology to him was a very small thing—”
“I don’t think it was small. I don’t think he did, either.”
“Thank you, but …” Ashley gave a quick shake of her head and looked away for a long moment. When she looked back, her expression was full of heavy remorse. “I know my apology to you will be equally as small—not to mention, long overdue—but I still owe you one, as well.”
“Ashley—”
“Please. It needs to be said just how sorry I am for lying to you, and going behind your back to do underhanded, shitty things. For every time I didn’t help out, every meal I didn’t make, every dish I didn’t wash, every load of laundry I didn’t do, every diaper I didn’t change. For not even doing the bare minimum when it came to raising and loving my own child, and for not appreciating what I had with you, which was everything. I really did love you, David, even though it probably never seemed like I did, and I threw it away with both hands.” She pursed her lips. “For a long time, I hid behind the excuse that I was young and immature, until I finally faced the fact I was neither, that I was simply a selfish, thoughtless, and narcissistic bitch, something I’ll always be ashamed of.”
He could hear the utter sincerity of her words, and was floored by them. Never in a million years had he thought they’d be having a conversation like this. “Apology accepted,” he finally said.
“Thank you. That really means a lot to me.”
They shared a long look in the wake of her brutally honest apology, the air between them slightly awkward. Crossing his arms across his chest, he debated whether or not he should add to the awkwardness, then decided to go for it. “Can I ask you something?”
Instead of appearing wary at the question, she actually seemed amused. “I assume it’s about Liam?”
He nodded. “I was wondering how long you two lasted.”
“About a year. Until I found out he was cheating on me.”
“Oh. I’m sorry.”
“You don’t seem surprised by that.”
“I’m not.” He took a deep breath and released it. “To be honest, I knew he was cheating on you.”
“How did you know that?”
“I overheard him talking about his ‘other piece of ass’ in a bar one night.”
Ashley raised a dark eyebrow. “How did you happen to be in the same bar as him?”
There wasn’t any sense in lying to her now. “I’d been following him, so I knew what bar he liked to, uh, frequent.”
“You were following him?”
“Yes. I was trying to gather information, so I could fuck him up a little bit.”
“Are you serious?”
David gave a dismissive shrug. “I know I’d promised not to go after him in court, but I wasn’t going to let him just walk away from what he did to my son. So, I watched him, followed him a few times, and then the night I overheard him in the bar, talking with his friend in a Chicago Bears hoodie—”
“Jeff.”
“Jeff?”
“That was his friend’s name.”
He couldn’t help but chuckle softly at that bit of information. “Okay. So, the night I overheard him and Jeff talking, I waited for Liam to leave and called the police.”
“I knew it.” Her eyes narrowed slightly. “I knew you had something to do with his DUI, even when you said you didn’t know anything about it.”
“I know. I lied about that,” he admitted. “But he treated my son like garbage and he was talking shit about him to his friend, Jeff, in the bar, and it was either beat the fuck out of him in the parking lot and maybe go to jail for assault with a deadly weapon—because I probably would’ve introduced him to my tire iron—or call the cops and have him get a DUI. Potentially get one, because I didn’t know if he was going to be over the legal limit or not, and if he wasn’t, he would’ve walked away. But he was over the legal limit, so he got what he deserved, and I’ve never once regretted doing what I did. However, I did regret that fucking Liam up had to be behind the scenes and I never got to beat the fuck out of him like I wanted to.”
Ashley digested all of that, then shook her head, an ironic smile on her lips. “It’s because of his DUI that I found out he was cheating on me. So, in a way, I should be thanking you, I guess.”
“Really?”
“When his license got suspended, I ended up driving him around a lot, sometimes to a friend’s place.” She paused for a moment. “One of those places turned out to be where his ‘other piece of ass’ lived … which I didn’t find out about for several months, unfortunately.”
“Holy shit.” David rubbed at his face. “Now I’m sorry I didn’t tell you what he was doing when I had the chance, because I did feel bad for you, but it just wasn’t bad enough. That makes me sound like such an ass, but … you’d chosen Liam over Jacob, so my sympathy hit the road. And later, you were on social media sharing how happy you were with that prick, and by then it seemed like it really didn’t matter to you what he’d done to our son, so I kept quiet.”
“It’s okay. Really,” she insisted when he seemed like he was on the verge of arguing with her. “If you had told me Liam was cheating on me, I probably wouldn’t have believed you, anyway. There were a few warning signs along the road—okay, more than a few—that I ignored, and it took seeing it with my own eyes for me to believe it. That was my come-to-Jesus moment, and it was well deserved.” Then, shifting the conversation, she asked, “So, you followed me on social media?”
“No. A friend of Paige’s did for a little while.”
It almost sounded like he was being vague on purpose, making Ashley immediately think the ‘friend’ was Jules, which catapulted the earlier assumption she was likely aware of Ashley’s transgressions solidly into fact territory. But rather than get confirmation, she said, instead, “I followed you for a little while. I saw your wedding pictures on your website. You, Paige, and Jacob all looked so happy. After that, I stopped.”
He acknowledged the compliment with a tilt of his head before turning it around to her. “What about you? Married?” He paused for a beat before wading into potentially rougher waters. “Kids?”
“I was married once, to a man named Brandon, but it didn’t work … and no kids.” Ashley looked down at her feet. “Brandon wanted them, but a huge part of me was worried I wouldn’t be a good mother to any other children I might have, so I was afraid to try. Brandon and I argued about it a lot. He knew I’d given up custody of Jacob, so he understood my reluctance, but it was my ultimate refusal to even try that ended our marriage.”
“Jesus, I’m sorry.”
“Thanks.” She was finally able to look up again. “It took me a while to get over losing Brandon because I thought we were going to have a life together, you know, but that turned out to be contingent on our having a baby. It really sucked to realize he needed more than just me to be happy, and after our divorce I decided to fly solo for a while. No men, no alcohol. It turned out to be good for me, because I used the time to work on becoming a better person, and I needed that.” Her mouth quirked with self-deprecating humor. “Better late than never, right?”
Choosing to not address her last comment directly, he side-stepped it with diplomacy, instead. “Well, it seems to have paid off, because you look great—and I don’t just mean physically. I mean you seem … content. Happy. At peace, even. It’s a good look on you.”
“Thanks,” she said again, inordinately pleased at his assessment. “I could say the same thing about you.”
As a comfortable silence settled between them, David’s expression became somewhat introspective. “You know, I wasn’t sure if your visit today was going to be a good thing or not, but I’m happy to say it was. I’m honestly glad you came.”
“I didn’t know if it would be a good thing or not, either. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be a huge mistake. But seeing Jacob today and being treated with such kindness is something I wasn’t expecting. He really is the best part of us, isn’t he?”
“He is,” David agreed.
Ashley took a deep breath, then released it in a rush. “He wasn’t an accident.”
It took him a second to understand what she was saying, and when he did, the revelation was rather anti-climactic. She must have interpreted his expression correctly, because she quickly asked, “You knew?”
“Well,” he said slowly, “let’s just say I’ve suspected for a very long time that he wasn’t, so having it confirmed isn’t very shocking to me.”
“I’m sorry.”
“Don’t be. I mean, you can be sorry for being dishonest with me, but don’t be sorry about Jacob. I’ve always considered him to be a gift—no matter how I got him—and one I’d never give back.”
This time, the stinging behind her eyes resulted in a few actual tears that Ashley had to wipe away, but before the moment could become too heavy, it was dispelled by the sound of Paige’s voice upstairs, as she said, “A tie means a tie, Stinker. Everyone else will be wearing one.”
“Stinker?” Ashley asked, grateful for the distraction.
“That’s Jacob.”
“Paige calls him ‘Stinker’?”
“It’s a nickname she gave him when he was four. It’s not as bad as Julian’s, though. His is ‘Booger’.”
Ashley smothered a laugh. “Do you have a nickname, too?”
“No, but she’s been known to call me an asshole from time to time. Totally earned, in case you were wondering.”
After sharing a smile, David glanced at his watch, the one Ashley knew Paige had given him when they got married the first time, and knew it was time to go.
“Why don’t I walk you out to your car?” he offered.
She remembered how he’d always done nice things like that, to include opening doors. “Still a gentleman, I see.”
“That’s me.”
She followed him to the entryway, where he got her coat off the hook and helped her put it on, before handing over her purse. Then together, they walked out of the house and down the driveway to her car, where he stopped and waited while she unlocked the driver’s side door. After opening it and climbing inside, Ashley glanced up at him. “See you at 6 p.m.”
As his face took on an expression she’d been familiar with in the past, she couldn’t help but smile. “I swear I won’t be late. Those days are long gone.”
He appeared to debate the veracity of that claim for several seconds. “All right,” he finally said with a nod. “See you at 6 p.m.”
He closed her door and stepped back, watching as Ashley drove away. Then, with a bemused expression on his face, David made his way back into the house to put on a suit and tie, for what was likely going to be one of the most interesting dinners in the history of dinners … at fucking Cracker Barrel.
The End
Thank you for reading the The Moment We Know, Book Two of the Moments Duet. I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it, and if you’re so inclined, please leave a review. They’re always appreciated!