52. Cassandra Walker
It took every ounce of self-control I had to keep it together long enough to get Theo changed into clean clothes and tucked safely into our bed.
I’d forced myself to be still and calm as she curled into me, resting her poor, swollen face in the crook of my arm. Holding her gently, I kissed the top of her head over and over again until she finally fell asleep against my chest.
Despite knowing I wouldn’t be sleeping at all, I’d set alarms on my phone for every two hours until morning to ensure I could check in on her as the medic had instructed.
Once her breathing leveled out and I knew she was asleep, I gently untangled myself from her warm embrace. My monster was still furious, and I’d barely been able to keep it in its cage when Theo had tried to leave us earlier.
I’d sat on the bathroom floor, struggling to get it back under control as it raged and slammed relentlessly at the bars of its cage.
It had almost broken free.
If it managed to get out, I didn’t even want to think about what I might have done to Theodora.
She was already so broken and hurt.
The last thing she needed was me losing control and giving in to my monster when she was already barely hanging on.
Stalking silently through my dark penthouse, I made my way to my wine fridge, hoping a glass of pinot would help calm me down enough to decide what I was going to do next.
I was plagued with memories of how close I had come to losing control over my monster, and my hands were shaking by the time I made it to the kitchen.
‘STOP HER!’ it had roared, raking its claws down the soft, vulnerable walls of my heart.
The thing had slammed against the bars of its cage in a desperate attempt to break free from the prison I’d worked so hard to keep it in all these years.
‘TIE HER TO THE BED! CAGE HER! CARVE OUR NAMES INTO HER FLESH!!!!’
The things it had tried to make me do to her made my skin crawl. It was still furious with me for refusing to listen, but it had calmed slightly now that Theo was no longer threatening to leave us.
‘You are weak,’ it growled at me, disgust and contempt lacing each syllable.
‘If I were weak, you would have won that battle,’ I replied, feeling just as pissed with my monster as it seemed to be with me. ‘You are forbidden from touching her again. You basically fucking attacked her! She has a concussion!’ I snarled at it as I fished for a bottle of wine.
My hand only met dead space.
Crouching down to examine the inside of the fridge more thoroughly, I frowned.
There was only one bottle left, which was odd. I could have sworn there were at least four last time I’d been in here.
‘SHE WAS TRYING TO LEAVE! You told the witch you would allow me to kill those who hurt her, and yet, the bitch who hit her still lives! The whore who touched her still breathes!’
“You’re a fucking idiot if you think killing either of those women will make a fucking difference,’ I snapped at my monster, now scanning my pristine kitchen suspiciously.
Where were those other three bottles of wine?
As I checked the recycling and the larger fridge I used for food storage, I grew increasingly concerned.
‘They TOUCHED HER!’ my monster roared as I stalked back into the bedroom, looking for… I wasn’t sure what I was looking for, but when my gaze fell on Theo’s half-packed gym bag, my heart skipped a beat.
‘They must be punished for putting their hands on what is ours.’
‘If we kill everyone who hurts her, she will only find other ways to hurt herself. Those women are not the true enemy here. There is something else, and until we figure out what it is, we could slaughter every fighter in that league, and she would just start fighting people in the streets.’
I crouched down on the floor and tugged Theo’s gym bag toward me. It was full of random articles of clothing. I didn’t think she was even looking at what she’d been packing. Everything was just crumpled up in a big mess, and half her shit was falling out the sides.
With a pounding heart, I reached into the bag. There was a tiny ‘clink,’ and I froze.
My monster froze.
Dread rolled through me, but I forced myself to push through the heavy blanket of foreboding that had settled deep in my bones.
Parting the mess of t-shirts to reveal what I already knew I would find, my chest seemed to vibrate with the force of my monster’s fury.
My missing bottles of wine were here, in Theo’s bag.
And they were empty.
‘She poisons herself from within…’ my demon growled, and I pulled one of the empty bottles out, refusing to believe she’d consumed this much alcohol before stepping into that ring.
‘She’s trying to kill something that lives inside of her,’ I replied, almost in disbelief.
‘This is not the way,’ my monster snarled, and I nodded in a rare moment of agreement.
‘No. This is not the way.’