56. Cassandra Walker
Alexa Play: She Wants To Know by Half Moon Run
Theo’s voice was level and her delivery flat as she said nineteen words that made my whole world stop fucking spinning.
Her dark eyes seemed to glaze over, and it was as if whatever made her Theo fled her body. She was a shell of the woman I knew as she spoke, and I coiled protectively around her in an attempt to keep her from breaking before my very eyes.
“The first time he touched me, I was eleven years old. The last time it happened, I was fourteen.”
Nineteen words.
It only took nineteen words to break nearly twenty years of abstinence.
Because as those words left Theodora’s lips, I knew I was going to kill again.
One by one, they rolled over me, and with each syllable, it was like the world around us lost a little more color.
Anger wasn’t new for me.
I was always angry.
If I were being honest with myself, anger was my natural state.
It was safe.
Anger didn’t hurt me.
Anger protected me.
But what I was feeling now wasn’t anger.
It was so far beyond that.
This feeling wasn’t hot or explosive.
It was cold… lethal… quiet.
It was pure, unadulterated fury.
My monster was deathly still in my chest, and I was barely breathing as the woman I was pretty sure I was falling in love with told me that she’d been repeatedly raped by a pedophile as a child.
My heart rate slowed down, and my mind zoned in on Theodora’s face.
Every microexpression was cataloged. Every flutter of her eyelashes, each twitch of her fingers… I documented it all as my entire world shifted in what I knew was a very permanent way.
She closed her eyes and swallowed so hard I heard it. I curled my fingers into her back through her t-shirt, making sure to dig my nails deep into her flesh as I did so. She gasped, and her eyes flew open as the pain brought her back to me.
That’s it, baby. Stay here with me.
I’ve got you…
She shook violently in my arms, as if even just saying those words out loud would summon the monster that had hurt her to our condo.
“Who was it?” I asked quietly, but she shook her head.
“I don’t… I don’t want to say. I’m not ready to say who it was yet.”
My monster growled low and deep, but I remained calm.
Brushing a dark lock of hair out of Theo’s eyes, I nodded, pressing a soft kiss against her trembling lips.
“Can you at least tell me if it’s someone I would know from your past? It wasn’t… it wasn’t your father, was it?”
Theo recoiled, her eyes growing so wide in alarm that I was genuinely concerned she might strain something.
“Wh-what? Of course not! My dad would never! He… He’s probably the only reason I’ve survived as long as I have.”
My monster hissed loudly, but I ignored it. Nothing would distract me from Theo’s truth, not even the murderous entity that lived in my chest.
“So he didn’t know about it?” I asked, keeping my tone soft and calm. It wasn’t warm. I didn’t have an ounce of warmth in me at that moment. My entire body was so cold with fury I was nearly numb… but… I was calm.
Scary calm.
I was calm because I knew whoever this man was… He was going to die.
It was just a matter of time.
All I needed to do was collect enough information to find him… Then I would make him beg me for death before I finally tore his rotten soul from his body with my bare fucking hands.
“Are you asking me why I didn’t tell anyone?” Theo rasped, her wide eyes growing immediately defensive.
I frowned and shook my head slowly.
“No. I’m a defense attorney, Theodora. I know why you didn’t tell anyone,” I soothed her. “I don’t blame you. Not for what happened to you, and not for keeping it a secret. I’m just asking if your father knew, or if he maybe suspected that something had happened.”
Theo searched my gaze with an intensity that told me she wouldn’t have recovered if I’d asked her why she hadn’t reported the incident.
Frankly, if I’d asked that, she would have been right to be upset. It was a stupid fucking question.
Why would a survivor ever feel safe coming forward in a world designed to protect predators?
In a world where women’s voices were systemically silenced?
Where LGBTQ+ assault cases are statistically ignored?
I didn’t need to ask Theodora why she hadn’t told anyone, because I already knew.
She didn’t think anyone would believe her. And if they did, she thought they would blame her for it.
As if it were possible for a child to ever be at fault for being assaulted.
“No. He didn’t know about it… but… I used to have a lot of nightmares because of it. He… helped me with those. He gave me these stupid Q-Tips…” A wistful look flickered across Theo’s face at the mention of the little cotton swabs.
“He told me they were magic, and if I waved them like a wand and thought of three good things, it would make all the bad things go away.” That peaceful look of nostalgia flickered across Theo’s face like a candle in the wind.
I frowned as it sputtered out before my eyes and gave way to a look I was unfortunately far more used to seeing on Theo’s face.
She choked on her next words, and my heart broke as her face crumpled in pain.
“Sometimes when things get bad… I still try to use them, but… they’re not working anymore. I don’t… I don’t have three good things. All I have is the league, vodka, and fucking flashbacks.”
Another cold rush of pure fury rocked through my body, and my monster finally spoke.
‘This man that hurt her… He is the one she is trying to drown with the alcohol. He haunts her from within,’ my monster rumbled as I gently stroked my broken girl’s tear-stained cheeks.
‘Not for fucking long. We are going to kill him.’
My monster hummed in agreement.
‘Naturally. But killing him in this world will not be enough. She needs to purge him from her soul, or she will never be truly free.’
‘That won’t be so easy.’
‘But not impossible. We killed both your mother and her memory. We can help our street fighter with this as well.’
‘We need to be delicate about this.’
‘Give her the silver charm. We will use it as an anchor when the opportunity presents itself.’
I nodded and pinched Theo’s chin, drawing her in for a long, yet chaste, kiss.
“Wait here. My monster and I have something for you,” I murmured, and Theo stared at me, wide-eyed and vulnerable in her blanket.
How anyone could hurt someone so fucking adorable was beyond me.
It made me see fucking red.
Slipping off the couch, I retrieved my Chanel bag and fished out the Tiffany blue box I’d been meaning to give her.
“Wh-what’s that?” Theo asked, sitting up and eyeing the box with curiosity.
I settled back down on the couch and forced myself to give her one of my practiced smiles.
I’d never masked in front of Theo before, but it was necessary in that moment.
She couldn’t know just how serious things had become.
I’d agreed to her conditions around pursuing legal action against her abuser if she told me the truth, but… there would be nothing legal about how I was going to deal with this.
I’d tell her once I had a plan in place, but now was not the time. Right now, she needed to feel supported and safe.
She couldn’t regret confiding in me, and if I immediately went into ‘fix it’ mode, I would lose the delicate trust she’d gifted me.
“It was meant to be a late wedding gift,” I replied, handing her the box. “Open it.”
Theo took the little blue package with trembling fingers, and I watched intently as she lifted the lid.
Her mouth parted in surprise as she pulled out the silver Q-Tip. Her fingers slid over the long, liquid chain with a level of reverence I’d only ever seen her give to her boxing equipment.
“Cass… Wh-what?” she croaked, and I slid closer to her, wrapping my hand around the back of her throat and brushing my thumb along her jawbone.
I just wanted to be touching her in some way, so she knew she wasn’t alone.
She’d never have to fight this alone again.
“I asked your mom about the Q-Tips at the wedding. She explained something similar to what you just told me. But she also said that regular cotton swabs might not be a strong enough talisman for whatever it is you’ve been battling. She said silver was better.”
Theo choked on a laugh, looking up from her new charm to smile at me with tear-stained cheeks.
“Sounds like something Iris would say.”
I gave Theo a sad smile and nodded.
“Yeah. I don’t know much about talismans or magic wands, but I know about high-quality jewelry. If you need something stronger to help you, I want you to have the absolute best.”
Theo was staring at me like she’d never seen me before.
“You… you really had this made for me? You don’t think it’s… stupid that I’m a grown ass woman using Q-Tips as magic wands?”
I rolled my eyes, irritated that she still seemed to think I thought so little of her, despite how much we’d been through together.
I tugged the necklace out of her hands and reached over her head, sliding the chain around her neck and admiring how the silver pendant hung down to her navel, just the way I’d designed it.
“You are a lot of things, Theodora Fairview, but stupid is not one of them.”
“Cass…”
I smiled at her and leaned forward, catching her lips in mine while being mindful not to press too hard on her bruised mouth.
“Now, next time he comes for you and you feel like you need to drink the pain away, I want you to hold this…” I took her hand and closed her fist around the thin silver rod of the charm.
“And remember that you don’t need to fight him alone.
You will call me, and I will drop everything, and we will think of three good things together. ”
Theo’s breathing was erratic, and I knew she was seconds away from fully breaking down into tears, but I wasn’t finished.
“This is a direct link to me. Every time you hold it, you’ll remember that you have me now, and I won’t let anyone hurt you. Not even the memories in your head. Do you hear me?”
“Cass…” Her voice was wrecked with emotion, and she was looking at me like I was her whole world, and I realized in that moment that I would raze the entire fucking planet if that’s what I had to do to make sure she always looked at me like that.
“Tell me you understand, Theodora,” I whispered, and she nodded, her bruised but beautiful face shining with adoration and tears.
“I understand.”
“Good.”
Then I wrapped her up in my arms and lay back on the couch, tugging her down on top of me where she belonged.
Finally, she lost the battle with her emotions, and she finally broke down. I held her while she sobbed, kissing her softly on the top of her head.
“Shhh. You’re okay, baby. You’re safe. I won’t let him hurt you.
Not now, not ever. I’ve got you, okay?” I rubbed her back in soothing circles as she cried into my neck.
Neither of us moved for a long time, and I was still whispering gentle words of praise and comfort into her ears well after she’d finally fallen asleep.