92. Cassandra Fairview
Alexa Play: So Long, So Long by Dashboard Confessional
Vox, meticulous murder planner that he was, had included a change of clothes for me in the murder kit. Before getting in his car, I’d taken the time to change and clean the blood and gore off my face and hands in one of the church’s restrooms.
Logan told me he and Ronan would take care of my blood-soaked leggings and hoodie. So, I left them in a neat pile by the body of my first victim before finally heading back to Fairview.
I fired up Vox’s Aston Martin, but I took a few seconds to check my phone before pulling out of the compound.
I wasn’t surprised to find a stream of missed messages from my wife.
I’d been gone for more than a few hours, and if the roles had been reversed, I would have been blowing up her phone too.
Wifey:
Hey, baby girl, you good? I know I’m not supposed to pry, but wtf are you doooooing? It’s been hours.
Wifey:
I’d be worried, but your brother keeps telling me whatever you’re doing is gonna take a bit. Mannn, I’m so curious. *Eyeball Emoji* Give me a hint?
Wifey:
Fine. Be that way. I guess you’ll tell me when you get here. I’m heading up to bed soon. Gonna crash in the spare room again, I don’t think there’s even sheets on my bed in the guesthouse. Wake me up when you get back!
Wifey:
Love you <3 Night
I chuckled softly at how fucking cute she was, and a rush of excitement coursed through my veins at how close I was to finally murdering the fuck that had hurt her.
She wasn’t the only one who had messaged me, and I quickly opened my conversation with Cal.
Callum:
She’s out! How much longer are you going to be? I’m so fucking excited.
Cass:
Omw now. Is Ryan still up?
Callum:
Yeah, but I haven’t told him yet. I don’t want him to tell me I can’t help.
I sighed in irritation.
Cass:
You’re not helping with anything violent, Callum. I just need you to help me get him strung up. He’s too heavy for me to carry on my own.
Callum:
Come onnnnn! Let me at least offer constructive torture advice from afar. Just to make sure you don’t accidentally kill him too soon.
I rolled my eyes.
Cass:
If Ryan says it’s okay, fine. But I don’t want him up my ass if you totally backslide over this. He knows what’s best for your recovery journey better than I do.
Callum:
Yeah. We’ll see. See you sooooon! Don’t speed! :D
‘What a pain in my ass,’ I grumbled to my monster as I put the car in gear and reversed out of the dark parking lot.
Taking my brother’s advice, I made sure to stick to the speed limit as I cruised down the quiet streets of Silent Hollow.
After several minutes with no response from my monster, I frowned.
‘What? No death threats? That’s not like you.’
That wasn’t entirely true. My monster had never threatened to kill my siblings. They were the only people who fell under my monster’s protection. Well, them, and now Theodora.
I expected my monster to tell me so, but again, I was met with silence.
Coasting to a stop at a red light, I took the opportunity to sift through my mind, suddenly feeling slightly panicked.
For as long as I could remember, it had never been just me in my head. The absence of the sentient voice was unnerving, and for all the times I’d wished my monster away, the thought of actually losing it felt like losing a close friend.
A toxic friend, sure.
But still a friend.
I breathed out a sigh of relief when I found it, curled up and sleeping in a dark, shadowy corner of my mind.
‘Hey,’ I whispered, poking it in its scaly side. Slowly, it opened one large yellow eye, its translucent inner lid sliding lazily to the side as it rose from whatever deep slumber it’d succumbed to.
‘Hello, little killer,’ it purred, and I frowned at how tired it sounded.
‘You okay? I thought you’d be bouncing off the walls. You massacred three people today.’
Its great mouth lifted slightly at the corner, flashing its many rows of sharp teeth.
‘Yes. I enjoyed that very much. Thank you.’
My frown deepened, and I reached out a shaking hand, brushing my hand down its snout.
‘Then why are you so tired? Are you sick?’
My monster’s eyes fluttered shut, and it let out a long, contented sigh as I continued to gently stroke its great scaly snout.
‘No, I am not sick, Cassandra. I am resting.’
‘Okay… but you’ll wake back up, right?’
My throat felt tight, and my heart was beating unreasonably loud in my chest. Without opening its eyes, my monster smirked again.
‘If you ever need me again, yes, I will wake up.’
‘Wh–What does that mean?” I sputtered, and the creature peeked at me, though it seemed unable to keep its eyes open for long.
‘It means, little killer, that you are safe now. You have found your place in the world, and you no longer have any need for me.’
‘B-but… No! I didn’t agree to that! I still need you–I–”
‘You do not need me, Cassandra, and that is a good thing. It is all I ever wanted for you. It means you have found a safe place to rest your head.’
‘But… I don’t want you to go…” I whispered, and my monster opened its great, reptilian eyes one last time, that lazy smile still tilting the corner of its mouth.
‘But you must let me go, little killer. It was my job to protect you, but it is clear that I am no longer needed. And for that, I am grateful. I can rest easy knowing that you are surrounded by people who love you, and that you are now safe.’
A tear spilled down my cheek as my monster settled deeper into the shadows, its large eye closing again… though this time it felt final.
‘It has been an honor, Cassandra. I know that you will continue to make me proud.’
And that was the last thing my monster said to me before it drifted back into the depths of my subconscious, where I knew it would stay unless I ever needed to call on it again.
As I blinked back to reality, the light turned green, and my cheeks were wet with tears as I edged my way through the empty intersection.
My monster was gone, but the cage in my chest never faded.
Empty but open, it remained.
A reminder of where I’d been.
A symbol of how far I’d come.
I’d escaped that cage in the basement at thirteen years old, but I realized at that moment, I’d never really been free.
As I drove through the quiet streets of Silent Hollow, I mourned the loss of the pieces of myself I’d relied on for so long to keep me safe… But I celebrated too.
I celebrated the new parts of me I’d found through my relationship with Theo.
The softer parts.
The parts that felt like home.
‘Goodbye,’ I whispered. ‘Thank you for protecting me.’
Though it was clear my monster could no longer hear me, I knew it would have been proud.
Because I’d finally let go of the things that no longer served me.
I let go of my anger.
My rage.
My fury.
And it was so worth it. Because without the burning weight of my hatred consuming my every waking thought, there was now more room for something beautiful to grow.
Now there was room for love.
There was room for her.
And now that I had her, I knew I would never let her go.