Chapter 26 #2
Opening his journal to a fresh page, he wrote one-word sentences for how he felt—outside of the ache consuming his chest.
Bored.
Restless.
Lonely.
They were the same words he’d written for the past two weeks, but this time hunger and hate were missing.
He had a feeling these three would remain constant, as he couldn’t envision finding a remedy for them once he was on his own.
He’d already decided not to engage with anyone from his past, and didn’t see how making new friends would be possible, not with all the lies he’d have to tell.
Nicholas chuckled at the irony, remembering the distrust that had seemed so ingrained in him all his life.
Now he sat there thinking about the impossibility of keeping and making friends.
He should be happy at the prospect of finally being alone, but alone took on new meaning when dealing in terms of eternity.
Nicholas showered and slipped into his favorite T-shirt and the gray sweatpants once owned by Gabriel. He considered changing out of the sweats, but he loved them too much.
Since he was alone, he allowed himself the one indulgence he’d never allow otherwise. He snuck into the spare bedroom Gabriel slept in.
This room was small compared to the other guest rooms, and somehow more fitting of the man who occupied it. Expensive suits and ocean-side mansion aside, Gabriel was modest at heart.
The bedroom shared the same characteristics as the rest of the house, and Nicholas trailed his fingers along every wooden surface on his way to the closet. He stopped near Gabriel’s side of the bed, bringing one of his pillows to his nose.
He swayed, claws pinching the pillowcase, cockhead pushing against his sweats. He focused on the gray clouds suspended in the sky, even naming them until the tedious task was the only thing he thought about.
At least a hundred suits hung from the rows of metal rods lining the closet walls, but Nicholas instantly spotted his favorite among them.
He never really understood why he favored it.
Everything looked great on Gabriel, so it wasn’t like this one stood out amongst the others.
He wore it often enough, though, and Nicolas wondered if it was his favorite, too.
Giving in to temptation, he slipped the blazer off the hanger and shrugged into it. Instantly, his blood boiled in that way it did when he wanted sex.
He shut his eyes, applying everything he’d learned in his lessons on control. His nails didn’t extend and curve, his eyes didn’t cool, and his skin didn’t glow. His cock remained hard, though. There seemed to be no controlling that. Not with Gabriel’s scent swathing him the way it did.
He bunched the lapels together under his nose, inhaling the fragrance that haunted him always. His dick stiffened further for Gabriel, and for the first time in weeks, he decided not to see it as a weakness he needed to overcome.
Nicholas suddenly felt grateful for this time to himself, once again considering whether Gabriel somehow knew this too.
Maybe he’d sneak something of Gabriel’s with him, just something to help wean himself off him as the bond faded, as they went from mates to… Nicholas didn’t know. Thinking of them meaning nothing to each other felt life-threatening, but maybe that feeling would also pass.
Right then, all he cared about was the need to come, and so he hurried to his room with the jacket on, stripping out of his sweats before climbing onto the bed.
His tip leaked precum and lubrication—something he was still getting used to—and he pressed the sleeve of the jacket against his nostrils, stuffing his lungs with the scent of damp earth as he got himself off.
He loosened some of his control, which couldn’t be helped in moments like this, moments when he gave in to the carnal side of himself. He felt the reshaping of his pupils, felt the cold glow rise to them as he rolled his hips.
Nicholas wanted something inside him, something warm and considerable, and he wanted that something to be Gabriel.
He pumped himself harder and faster to the freedom of imagining it, to the euphoria of letting go of his resistance, of letting the blood-bond take over him.
His entrance grew slick as if preparing for that outcome, as if it were inevitable.
Nicholas willed his claws to draw back, shoving two cool fingers inside himself, then two more when that wasn’t enough.
It didn’t compare to the feel of Gabriel’s long, girthy length. His digits couldn’t get deep enough, couldn’t reach the places that Gabriel’s cock could, and the experience wouldn’t end with his insides bathed in thick ropes of cum.
He finger fucked himself anyway, because this would have to do, because he couldn’t give in to the thing that wasn’t a real thing. Nicholas couldn’t give in to the bond, not in this way. Not again.
He dug his heels into the mattress, fangs sinking into his lower lip, skin so cold it felt on fire.
He shoved his hand further inside himself, trying to get to that place Gabriel knew so well.
Nicholas scrambled to his knees, jerking himself off as he reached a hand back to re-enter his hole. He bounced up and down on his four fingers, angling them, trying to mimic the curve of Gabriel’s cock.
He closed his eyes, envisioning himself riding Gabriel while feeding from his vein. That did it; it always did. Nicholas came on a roar that sent a shiver through the window frame.
“Damn it.” He’d made a mess of the bedsheets; his orgasms as a vampire produced twice the amount of cum, maybe more. Luckily, the jacket had been spared.
He stiffened, remembering he’d been in this predicament before while wearing one of Gabriel’s suit jackets. He now knew that Gabriel could smell what he’d done then, and one whiff of this jacket confirmed that he’d smell it this time too.
Nicholas would have to hide it and take it with him when he left.
He wiped both damp hands on the sheets before carefully slipping out of the jacket, tossing it onto the nearby armchair before stripping the bed.
Nicholas considered getting a clean set of sheets from the linen closet, but he really liked these. Odd as it sounded, he found a small measure of comfort when wrapped in them. They felt familiar when he’d been dealing with so much of the unknown.
He cleaned himself properly in the bathroom, then peered at himself in the mirror over the sink. His skin had a vibrancy it lacked before, marking him as something other than human in his eyes. His hair was longer and softer too, still coarse, but healthier than it had ever been before.
Nicholas’s fingers glided through the coiled strands uninterrupted, no longer getting caught up in tangles and frizz.
He gathered it into a messy bun atop his head, running a finger along the birthmark near his left nipple.
It was heart-shaped like his face, and he remembered Gabriel kissing it reverently the first night they ever had sex.
His hand shot to his neck as he tried to recall if Gabriel had fed from him that night.
Much of that time was a haze, but if so, he hadn’t fed from him since.
The realization stirred feelings he didn’t want to spend time on, so, ignoring the ache in his chest, he headed down to the laundry room with the cum-stained sheets. It’d be the third time he’d had to wash them that week.
Nicholas started the washer, then headed for the stairs again, steps slowing as he approached the door that led to the basement.
He’d never gone down there, but whatever was behind it used to call to him before he transitioned.
That subtle whispering used to scare him, like a tap on the shoulder in the dark.
He knew what it was now. Blood. Copious amounts of it. The metallic scent seeped from the thin gap at the bottom of the door. But there was something else down there too. Something made of steel and copper and lead… Both something ancient and of this modern world.
Nicholas followed the pull this time, letting his feet carry him right up to the door. He reached for the knob, turning it just as Gabriel returned home.