Chapter 30 #2
Heart thundering, Nicholas widened his jaw toward the overcast sky, molars slowly shifting as his canines elongated and thickened.
His vision turned cold, the skin beneath his eyes tightening as his blackened nails stretched and curved.
His transformation fought against him, his teeth and claws retreating before surrendering to his shaky will.
“Nicky?” Mateo’s anxiety perfumed the air, cutting through the scent of brine.
“There’s something I need to show you,” Nicholas said around a mouth full of teeth.
“Holy fuck!” Mateo stumbled back, his large body falling over one of the patio chairs, his artfully crafted hair flopping out of place.
“Don’t be scared.” Nicholas advanced, but it only made matters worse.
“Shit, shit, shit!” Mateo crawled backward, crashing into more furniture.
“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you. I promise.”
He held his clawed hands up, realizing that was true, that not once since Mateo arrived had he needed to restrain his hunger, or consciously avoid thoughts of feeding.
That left him torn, happy to have reached this new milestone, but also fully aware of what he must now do.
His thoughts drifted to Gabriel as he imagined him pensively staring into the ocean from his study. He saw his pinched brow clearly, saw his strong hands shoved into his pockets as the dogs surrounded him like he were their king.
Would he still be able to clearly imagine such things once he was gone? Should he want to?
Maybe just another week, he told himself. To be sure that he was ready. He shook his head, refocusing on his terrified friend.
“I can explain.”
“Fuck, Nicky. What the hell is going on?”
Nicholas stared into the petrified gaze of his friend, never having recalled seeing him this scared—or scared at all. Mateo had always been the steady one, the fighter, the one to make everything better, or try to. It was Nicholas’s turn now.
He ignored Mateo’s flinch as he drew closer again, righting one of the overturned chairs. He looked human by the time he sat down, or as close to the version of himself that Mateo knew.
“Have a seat,” he said, shoulders heavy. “And I need you to listen.”
“I’ll kill him!” Mateo jumped to his feet with enough force to send his chair back. Nicholas had told him everything, sparing no details, not even the unsavory ones.
“Mateo, you—”
“He showed up at my place looking for you. I should’ve killed him then!”
“He what?”
“Yeah, the night you went missing. I’ve never been so pissed in all my life. I ended up telling him…” He cut a glance toward Nicholas.
“Ended up telling him what?”
“Nothing. It doesn’t even matter anymore.” He scrubbed a hand down his face, staring into the house. “I swear to God, he’s a dead man.”
“Mateo, stop!” Nicholas shouted when he bolted for the glass wall. “You can’t kill him. And not just because it would be physically impossible.”
Mateo twisted around, gaping at him. “Are you kidding me? Look what he’s done to you, what he’s turned you into. You’re…”
Nicholas rose from his seat, meeting Mateo’s wide gaze.
“Go ahead, finish. What am I, Mateo? A monster?” The thing he’d accused Gabriel of being countless times. Had he felt as judged and offended as Nicholas felt right now?
No, they were different. Gabriel was a liar and a murderer.
“Am I an abomination?” Hadn’t he thought that of himself?
“Broken, disgusting, a feral animal?”
He drew closer to Mateo with each word, letting him see him, truly see Nicholas for who he was now.
He was no longer the innocent boy who blushed at bad words or while Mateo recounted his dirty deeds.
Nicholas wasn’t the timid man who couldn’t come to grips with his sexuality or the big, scary world he couldn’t trust.
He wasn’t a victim, wasn’t someone to feel sorry for, someone to save, or even someone to abandon. Not anymore.
Nicholas was rising strength and gradual growth. More sure with each passing day, while still figuring it all out. He was warmth and ice, gentle in spirit but could be firm and unyielding too. He was a contradiction, and for the first time ever, he found himself thinking… I’m massas dimae.
Technically, he was both vampire and witch, but he didn’t resonate with the saahir side of himself.
Zayn was able to heal wounded animals and telepathically communicate with them.
So far, all telepathic attempts Nicholas made with the dogs were met with their blank expressions, and he failed at trying to fix Zeke’s bad leg.
Maybe he was just massas dimae for whatever reason.
“Can you be my friend, keep my secrets, and not treat me as something other? Can you see that I’m the same, while also being something entirely different?”
This time, the change was swift, and he revealed every part of it down to the markings that glowed beneath his skin.
Ocean water rose into a cold, solid mass at his back, and his hair billowed as the light afternoon breeze took on a gusty chill.
“Can you accept me as I am, Mateo?”
Mateo shuddered, goose bumps rising along his arms as he marveled at the jagged sheet of ice jutting toward the sky. Awe eclipsed anger and fear.
“I’d love you if he’d turned you into a snake, Nicky. But you can’t blame me for wanting to strangle him. He almost got you killed by the king of the underworld, and then he killed you himself. And now you might be in his enemy’s crosshairs.”
“Well, when you put it like that…”
“Yeah, that’s exactly how I’m putting it.”
He paced, and Nicholas allowed him to have his feelings. The bitter scent of dark chocolate, the acrid scent of burning wood, the sting of saffron… Of all his emotions, regret was the strongest.
“You don’t need to feel bad, Mateo. This isn’t your fault.”