Chapter 6
Monday morning I awoke to another frigid shower and a sister who wouldn’t speak to me.
The water was so cold that it actually hurt after a while, so I got out, shivering like a leaf, and washed my hair in the kitchen sink.
At least I didn’t have to feel the icy water running over my body while I rinsed off the shampoo.
I looked in the mirror and saw that my lips were blue, but that glacial water really did give me a kind of glow. Good to know.
The night before I had heated water for Cassie to take a bath, but she refused to acknowledge me when I poured it into her tub and turned on the tap until I had the right temperature.
I waited outside her closed door until I heard her slowly get out of bed and go into the bathroom.
Then I crept into the room and waited outside the bathroom door in case she needed me.
She was so frail, I was afraid she would fall.
I would have killed her because I couldn’t keep my dumb opinions to myself.
I hurried into Charlie’s bedroom to get him up.
He was curled in a ball in the middle of the bed, covered only by the sheet which had pulled free from its moorings.
Everything else that had formerly been on the bed (comforter, blanket, pillow, and bear replacing Danny Bob) was on the floor.
It looked like he had been involved in a wrestling match in the night.
“Pal,” I murmured, rubbing his back. “Time to get up. Rise and shine, sleepyhead.”
He muttered something groggily.
“Come on, sweet pea,” I said a little louder. Then I saw the book next to the bed, with the bookmark moved much farther than it had been when I had kissed him goodnight and turned off the light. “Charlie Finn, did you stay up late reading again?”
He cracked one eye open and looked at me. “It’s a really good book, Em.”
I was torn between being angry because he had stayed up past his bedtime and being happy that he was so interested in reading. Parenting was so not black and white.
“Well, it’s time to get up, you sleepy lug. If you’re tired today at school, you’ll know why. No staying up after lights out.”
No matter what I did, and no matter how I tried to time it, some mornings we just ran late. I was rushing around the house, looking for his shoes, when he remembered that it was his turn for Share Day at school.
“I want to bring a picture of Nana,” he announced. “I love her a lot and I miss her.”
I turned to him, tears coming to my eyes. “I think that’s a great idea. I miss her too, you know.”
He nodded. “She was a good grandma. She took me to all my stuff, and she always tucked me in. She let me read really late,” he added pointedly.
I shook my head at him. “Won’t work. Look on the porch for your shoes.”
“I was going to bring the axe, but I thought you’d say no,” Charlie called from the kitchen.
Good gravy.
I quickly fixed a tray for Cassie and brought it up to her. I could tell by her breathing that she was awake. “Good morning. Will you let me say I’m sorry now?”
She didn’t open her eyes. I sighed. “Ok, that’s ok. I’ll say it anyway. I’m really sorry, and I didn’t mean what I said.”
“You’re just jealous of me,” she said, still without opening her eyes. “You always have been.”
I gritted my teeth. Man, did she make apologizing difficult. “You’re right, and again, I’m really sorry.”
“I feel like strawberry jam this morning. Did you put it on my toast?”
I ran back down to the kitchen to get some.
Charlie and I were late, late, late. I had to walk in with him to the principal’s office. “Sorry,” I said to the secretary.
“You’re not the only one. Monday mornings,” she answered as she handed Charlie a late pass. The phone rang and she gestured at it. “See?”
“Ok, pal, head off to class,” I said, giving him a kiss on his forehead. “I’ll pick you and Darby up this afternoon.”
“Ok, Mommy. I mean, Emmy. Bye.” He took off through the door and I could hear his feet pounding towards his classroom.
“No running in the halls,” I said to myself, and started to follow him out.
“Are you Charlie’s aunt?”
I turned and saw the school principal.
“I’m Sylvia Ferber, principal here at Whitaker. I don’t think we’ve met yet.”
“Emily Brennan.”
She held out her hand and I shook it, immediately nervous.
I got the same way when I saw a police car, even though I had never even gotten a ticket.
I felt like maybe they could sense my intention to run a red at the next block or something.
Like maybe I was a secret criminal and even I didn’t know it yet.
“I’m glad I ran into you. Do you have a minute?” she asked.
I checked my watch. No, not really. “Sure. What’s going on?”
Mrs. Ferber gestured toward her office, and I preceded her in. “Please, sit down.” She went behind her giant principal’s desk and clicked on her mouse.
I had always been a good student. A great student, really. Good grades, nice to the teachers. I had never gotten in trouble in school. It made no difference; sitting in Mrs. Ferber’s office, I was sweating bullets.
“I wanted to talk to you about Charlie,” she told me.
I sat up straighter. “What’s wrong?”
She shook her head. “Nothing’s wrong, precisely. I just wanted to speak to you about your family situation.”
If there was one thing I had learned growing up with my mom, my real mom, it was that you shouldn’t volunteer information to an authority figure.
She had drilled that into me so I would be prepared when CPS came knocking: “You don’t tell them anything about us, you hear me? Do you want to get taken away from me?”
The answer had been no, but also yes.
I waited for Mrs. Ferber to explain. Like most people, it didn’t take her long to jump into the breach of silence.
“We’ve heard that Charlie’s mother is gravely ill. Is that the case?”
I nodded.
“I know that there were some, uh, existing problems within the household.”
What the heck did that mean? Again, I waited her out, and she didn’t disappoint.
“By that, I mean some instability with his parents.”
I wasn’t giving her anything. We sat for a moment in silence, and then she said, “Are you planning on taking guardianship of Charlie?”
“He doesn’t need a guardian. He has his mother. But yes, I’m here taking care of him,” I responded.
“And is this a permanent situation for you?”
It was none of her damn business and I guess she saw that I was about to tell her where she could shove her questions. “I only ask because Charlie has always been a very strong student and very popular with the staff here. We only want the best for him.”
“As do I,” I told her, and stood up. “Excuse me, I have to get to work now.”
“Of course.” She stood too. “It was nice to meet you, Emily.”
So I was late to open the NGS, and of course there was a customer waiting outside in the whipping wind. “Sorry, sorry,” I said as I forced a smile at him and fumbled for the keys. “Monday mornings.” He didn’t smile back.
The whole day I felt as if I was running behind.
I was late to get to school to get the kids because I helped one of our elderly customers take her groceries to her car; I was late pulling into the Athletic Complex and Darby and Charlie had to run to make it on time to practice (cue the lifeguard: “Slow it down! No running!”)
To top it off, my phone was completely silent. No one was texting me at all, not that I was expecting to hear from anyone, or anything like that.
Annie Whitaker was waiting at the edge of the bleachers when I came in carrying the equipment bag that Charlie had left in the back seat of the Bronco.
“Hi, Emily,” she said nervously. “Want to go for a run?”
“No, not today,” I shook my head. “I didn’t bring my stuff.”
“Oh, ok.” She looked crushed.
“No, Annie, I mean it. I’m not blowing you off, I really forgot my stuff. We had to run out of the house and I left my gym bag by the front door.”
“I have some extra shorts. Let’s just go quickly to the Sport Shack in the lobby and you can get some new shoes and a running bra,” she said enthusiastically.
For the second time that day, I felt my temper flare. “I can’t go to the Sport Shack to buy new shoes. I can’t buy a new bra. I can’t run today. Ok?”
“Oh, ok,” she said, crushed again. “Well, um, I just wanted to say that I’m really sorry for saying that you guys should stay at the meet. I didn’t understand your situation.”
My situation? I was getting increasingly angry. “Oh?”
“Yes, Luke explained it to me,” Annie said.
“What did Luke explain?” I asked in a measured voice.
“You know.” Her voice dropped to a whisper.
“That you go to work at Roy’s on weekends.
” I could have sworn she physically shuddered in revulsion when she said it.
The last time she had been so repulsed, we had been talking about bed bugs.
“That you guys are…struggling. I want you to know, I understand.”
Yes, I worked at Roy’s. Yes, we were “struggling,” if that was a euphemism for “poor.” And I was certain that she didn’t understand—but at least she was making the effort. “Ok, don’t worry about it, please. Not a big deal,” I answered. “Excuse me, I need to bring Charlie his equipment bag.”
She was gone when I came back to the bleachers. What exactly had Luke told her? Now I was almost glad he wasn’t texting. Almost.
Neil was watching me as I checked my phone again—nothing—and huffily sat down. “Everything ok?” he asked.
“Yes, great!” I answered, and smiled at him brightly. Everything was just peachy.
He seemed a little taken aback by my exuberance. “Great!” he parroted. “So, I didn’t get a chance to ask you at the meet, but Ellis and I would love to take you and Charlie out fishing.”
“Fishing? It’s not too cold?”
“No, not at all. I have a Tiara 3800 docked up in Leland. There’s a covered cabin if anyone gets chilly and wants to get out of the wind. We could go out for the day, have some lunch, maybe even dinner. Does Charlie like fishing? It would be fun to get the boys together.”