Chapter 15 #2
Holly shrugged one shoulder. “I’m forty-two, which is young by current Earth standards, but for so long, my focus has been on my work.
And that just wasn’t going anywhere. Then, and this is what really changed things, Sol-Arc—my employer—wanted me to go through this program to change my appearance.
To make me look more like their image of the ideal Sol-Arc professional for the goal of impressing clients.
” She said the words, but couldn’t miss how absurd they sounded.
Like the high-level management at Sol-Arc had gotten lost in the superficial culture of Nova and decided to force that shallowness on everyone who worked for them.
“Everything inside of me rejected it. It may sound foolish to give up a prestigious engineering job and a coveted residential unit on Nova simply because I didn’t want to change how I looked, but it earned me a three-month suspension and here I am. ”
“Not foolish at all,” Mish said. “They wanted to change more than how you look.” She turned to Holly and touched the center of her chest. “Something in here knew that and rejected it. They wanted to turn you into a bee.”
Holly paused. “What?”
Mish waved her trowel. “It’s like my children. I’m working to raise them to be individuals, but your company wants to take that away and make their employees parts of a superorganism. No personality. No identity. So, I’d call your refusal to go along with that wise.”
A wave of emotion rose up and closed Holly’s throat. “Hmm. I… Thank you,” she got out, but it sounded hoarse. She hadn’t thought of it that way. That her spirit had known that “aesthetics” wasn’t all Sol-Arc wanted to change.
She thought of Beenan and tried to imagine him having any life whatsoever outside of the firm.
An identity of his own. She couldn’t. He was just…
blank. For the first time, she felt a pang of pity for him.
He’d made a choice to become what he was.
Maybe it hadn’t been hard for him. Maybe there hadn’t been a whole lot to him before he went all in on Sol-Arc’s programs.
There was more to her. Holly frowned as she shifted down the row.
“What happens at the end of your leave of absence?” Mish asked.
“What?” Holly broke from the inward thoughts and accidentally pulled up another skinny carrot.
“Oh. I’ll have to formally resign, I suppose.
If I don’t accept their terms, I’m terminated.
” She offered a shaky laugh. “It’s funny, when I think about it.
I was put on leave only to take a position with a thousand times more responsibility than I had, with impossible challenges and no guarantee of success.
” She nodded toward Bean. “Someone who has never even taken care of a dog is now running a space station. And the dog can’t stand me. ”
“No, it makes perfect sense.” Mish leaned back and balanced on the balls of her feet as she studied Holly. “Sol-Arc wants your skills, but not you. Moone’s Landing needs you, and your skills are helpful.”
Holly had no words for that. None. This had been the most insightful conversation since her mother had decided to psychoanalyze her during the brief spell in her teen years when Holly wanted to change her name to Oylspil and join a likely doomed experimental expedition to the Terv-Poc black hole. It had been a dark time.
“And Bean likes you,” Mish added. “He’s adjusting to you, is all. And you…well, you’re adjusting to everything.”
Holly stood up and stretched her sore back. Actually, everything was sore and only part of that was due to weeding on her knees for a long time. “Stars, Mish. What did you do with yourself before you were a mother of fourteen children?”
Mish brushed dirt from her knees and gave Holly a little grin. “I was a bartender.”
“Figures.” Holly nodded, thinking how much that made sense. “You’re an amazing listener.”
“Well, when my husband and I escaped our home planet, we worked jobs on cruise spaceships and bartending positions were always open.” Mish held out a hand to take back Holly’s gloves and trowel. “You do what you have to do.”
“I hope I don’t let everyone down,” Holly said quietly. It was almost painful to say those words, but she needed them said to someone. They couldn’t keep living in the stew of worries that bubbled away in her head.
“Even if Moone’s Landing can’t be saved, you will not have let anyone down.”
Bean, having sensed that it was time to return home, rose from his warm, sunny spot, stretched, and waddled over to the two women. He waited expectantly at Holly’s feet.
“Okay, buddy,” Holly said, crouching to clip on the dog’s leash. “You’re probably ready to go home.” She turned to Mish. “Thank you.”
Mish handed her a bunch of carrots. “Anytime. It’s nice to be able to—no, no!” Her attention snapped to her children, who had gathered around something in the dirt, something neither of the women could see. “Don’t touch that. Dirty!” She rushed off, crying, “Not food!”
Holly, along with carrots and Bean, left the garden and headed home. The day was leaning into the afternoon, and Holly had much more to get done today.