Chapter Thirty
Renegade
“I’m still not sure about this,” I pull the truck into the brick building, shutting it off as I look over at Whitney.
She laughs and like always it grabs me by the heart. I love to hear her laugh. I love a lot of things about her, but her laugh is in the top three. “Why are you so scared? We’ll get to see what she looks like.”
I shrug, running my hands over the steering wheel. “It freaks me out slightly. What if she looks like an alien? I don’t know if I’m prepared for it.”
“Chances are she’ll be born in the next month, Ryan. I have a feeling she’s going to look now exactly like she will then. Don’t you want to make sure she looks like a Stella before she becomes a Stella?”
Whitney has a point. We don’t want to stick her with a name that doesn’t scream it’s her name, but we can figure that out after she’s born – right? “I guess.”
She gets out of the truck and comes over to the driver’s side, opening the door. Pulling at me, she gets me out of the driver’s seat and then turns me to face her. Her bottom lip is poking out slightly as she bats her eyes up at me. “Please? For me?”
And that’s where she’s got me, because I will do absolutely anything for this woman standing in front of me. “Okay,” I sigh. “But if I have nightmares about this, know I blame you.”
“I will fully take the blame,” she crosses her finger over her heart. “But I really think you’ll like it.”
I haven’t paid much attention since we came into the room, because it still freaks me out.
I can’t even say why it bothers me, but I’ve seen other 4D Ultrasound pictures and they look so weird to me.
Everyone says it’ll be different with my own child.
I doubt it, but I’ll keep those thoughts to myself.
“You ready?” Whitney asks as I get comfortable in the chair, and grab hold of her out-stretched hand.
“As I’ll ever be.”
She laughs, looking over at the technician. “He’s scared she’ll look like an alien and then he’ll be scarred for life.”
“I won’t lie,” the other woman says. “Sometimes it’s a bit weird to see things like this, but then you get to pick out features. That’s the fun part, you’ll see.”
I give her a raised brow, but don’t say anything else. I won’t be convinced until I see for myself, but I’ll still go through with it, because it’s what Whitney wants. The machine comes on, and I watch as they manipulate her stomach. A loud thumping is heard throughout the room.
“Her heartbeat is good. Let’s see if we can get a face,” the tech moves the wand around and I find my eyes glued to the screen on the wall.
“Here we go,” she zooms in on a face.
It’s like a kick to the heart. She has my lips. “Oh my God, Whitney,” I squeeze her hand. “She has my lips.”
“She does,” Whitney agrees. “And look, she’s grabbing her toes! No wonder I feel like she’s doing gymnastics in there sometimes.”
“It’s because she is,” I grin at her. All those alien comments and fears I had previously are now gone. I can totally see why anyone who can would do this.
I was already in love with her, was already in love with her mom, but after seeing this I know I’ve absolutely fallen as hard as I can. There’s no going back.
Whitney
He falls in love with her in that moment.
I can see it, by the way his eyes soften, by the way he grips my hand.
Ryan falls head over heels in love with his daughter.
There’s a part of me that wishes he’d do the same with me, but I know everything has to happen with us organically.
We can’t force an issue. When we tried to force things in the beginning, it took us too long to get comfortable with each other.
When we stopped forcing feelings, we settled into the easy comradery we have now.
I can say with complete certainty. He is my best friend.
I’ve never had one like him. He’s seen me at my best, will see me at worst, and everywhere in between.
I’ve never had this with anyone else. Not with my ex-husband, not with my parents, not with my brother. No one.
“I have to go back to work,” I tell him, pushing my bottom lip out a little. Addison’s been keeping us on track by herself, but today she’s decorating for a wedding we have coming up over the weekend.
“Sucks that I’m off today and you have to work,” he frowns as he holds my hands in front of him.
“You’re welcome to come hang out with me. It’s not like you’ll be in the way, I’ll definitely put you to work.”
He thinks it over for a minute and then nods. “Why the hell not, all I’m gonna do is go home and watch Netflix. When you ask me if I’ve caught up on Blue Bloods I’ll say no and you’ll know I’m lying.”
It warms my heart in a million ways to know he thinks of my house as his home.
For someone like him who’s never really had a spot to call his own besides his apartment, it means something.
To know I’ve given him stability that no one else ever has can almost bring me to my knees.
“Let’s get going,” I grab hold of his shirt sleeve.
“And don’t you be watching Blue Bloods without me. We talked about that already.”
“I get bored without you there,” he complains good-naturedly.
“Pretty soon we won’t be bored at all,” I remind him. “All the hours of our days will be filled with taking care of Stella, preparing to take care of Stella, or trying to catch up on our sleep. We probably need to enjoy it while we can.”
He shakes his head as we make our way back to his truck. “I’d much rather spend time with you.”
When we get to the wedding hall, I direct him on where to park and then grab my change of clothes. Walking in, I see our crew already at work and wave Addison over.
“I’m gonna go change, but he’s come to help us today since he doesn’t have to work. Tell him what to do while I go get more comfortable.”
As I walk back to the bathroom, I think about how this could be my life from now on, Ryan and I helping each other through situations and being a support when we both need it.
I never had that with Stephen, never would have even thought to ask him to come work with me.
He wouldn’t have, even if I had begged. He was that selfish.
Ryan is that selfless. Always has been, and I pray to God our daughter gets his empathy and willingness to work hard.
They’re both such great characteristics to have, and I hope he’s rubbed off on me, too.
I can be a southern lady, but I can also be a lady who helps people.
After changing, I go in search of Addison, stopping when I see her watching our crew from the door.
“How’s it going?”
“With your superhero baby daddy out there, it’s going a lot faster. God, but he is strong,” she gives me a look with her lips pursed. “Tight ass, makes you just want to grab it.”
“Stop!” I laugh, smacking her in the arm. “You said it right, he is my baby daddy. Hands off, sister.”
I watch as he works alongside our team, never backing away from anything they ask him to do. Even when I’m doing my own thing, I don’t let him go too far out of my vision.
If he’s willing to work this hard on something that isn’t his, I can’t help but imagine how hard he’ll work something that is. Like maybe the love he and I can share.
The thought is enough to startle me. It’s been there, in the back of my mind for a while, but I’ve not been able to bring myself to tell him, and I know I won’t be able to now either. Love got me hurt in a bad way before, and I know that with him, it would hurt even worse.
Making myself vulnerable in that way just isn’t possible yet. No matter how badly I want it.