Chapter Thirty-Nine
Renegade
“You’re not looking so hot this morning, Princess.”
Yesterday she was like the energizer bunny, cleaning the house like the devil himself was nipping at her heels. Today, it looks like she almost can’t get out of bed.
“I think I overdid it,” she admits as she tries to sit up. “I’m sick to my stomach, and I haven’t been sick to my stomach in months.”
“You want me to call into work? You think I need to take you to get checked out?”
It’s so hard to know with her, hard to gauge how she feels and what she’s thinking.
For so long, Whitney’s done things her way, but over the course of the last few days she’s started to hand some things over.
Addison’s taking care of the business while Whitney takes a short maternity leave, and her mom is organizing the care for Trevor.
Whitney had wanted to do all of those things because that’s what she’s always done, but judging by the way she looks right now, it’s gonna be a miracle if she can get out of bed today. “Babe, you’re kinda scaring me.”
“Yeah, I think you do need to call into work,” she rests her hand on her stomach as she blows out a breath. “I’m having contractions just like I’ve been having since Trevor’s wreck, but today they feel different.”
“Should we start timing them?”
“What do you think?” She asks, her face pained.
“You’re older and wiser, babe.”
She shoots me the meanest, most hostile look I think I’ve ever seen her give anyone.
“Ryan,” she breathes. “Now isn’t the time for that shit.”
“Did you just have a contraction?” I ask because she’s gone white as a toga sheet.
“Yes, they’re coming quicker.”
Making the decision for us, I walk over to the bed and move the covers back.
“C’mon, we’re going to the doctor. Lean on me if you have to, but I’m not letting you have our baby at home.
I don’t know that I’m strong enough to help you deliver it.
I don’t wanna see you in that much pain without at least drugs for me. ”
She leans up, kissing me as she grabs my ear with her fingers.
“Fucking ouch, woman.”
“Don’t joke about this, I’m scared to death.”
Looking at her, I can see she’s telling me the truth and I feel bad. “Don’t be, Princess. We’re in this together. God willing and if the creeks don’t rise, hopefully tonight we’ll have Stella in our arms.”
At least that’s the prayer I shoot up because I don’t know if either one of us could take a longer than twelve-hour labor.
Whitney
God I’m not going to make it through this. People who told me childbirth wasn’t that big of a deal fucking lied. They lied like crazy.
“You’re doing great, babe,” Ryan offers me encouragement from where he sits beside my head.
Pain hits me again. “Tell me a lie, please tell me a beautiful lie. I don’t care when it’s from, just help me escape.”
He closes his eyes for a minute, and I wonder if he’s going to do what I asked him to. “We’re on a beach in Bora Bora, it’s nighttime and we’re walking there, holding hands as the waves lap at our feet.”
“Are we by ourselves?”
“Totally by ourselves. Your mom and dad have taken Stella back to our hotel, and we’re having some adult time,” he continues.
There aren’t any nurses in here right now, and I wonder where this is going to go.
“Have you ever fucked on the beach Whitney?”
My breathing calms as the contraction dies down. I’m able to be with him in the scene he’s setting. “No,” I grab hold of his hand, threading our fingers together. “But I would with you, I’d do anything with you.”
“Then that’s what we’re doing. It’s nice and slow, passionate, the way you like it. I’m holding you in my arms and whispering all those things you like to hear me say.”
I can hear it, can hear him tell me he loves me, that everything will be okay, that I’m the only person he’s ever been able to give his heart to. All the little things Ryan says when I’m in his arms and there’s nothing else between us.
“You okay?” he bends down, kissing me on the forehead.
“Thanks for taking my mind off the pain.”
“I’ll always take you out of any situation that’s too much for you. Always remember that.”
He leans in, letting me wrap my arms around his neck. We’re breaking apart as there is a soft knock at the door before it opens. They wait respectfully at the curtain until Ryan gets up and walks over.
“Oh man, it’s so good to see you.”
I wonder who he’s talking to, and as he pulls the curtain back, enveloping the person in a huge hug. I see it’s Trevor. On crutches and obviously hurting but he made it. The one person I’d wanted to be here that I wasn’t sure would be. Blaze is at his side, helping as he slowly moves into the room.
“Trev, you’ve been out of the hospital for a short time, you didn’t have to come back,” I reach out to touch him as he maneuvers his way over.
Blaze moves a seat closer so he can sit on it and then offers me a smile before she moves to the couch in the room.
“I wouldn’t miss this for the world. I know mom and dad said to let them know when it gets closer to time, but I’ve never let you go through something on your own before.
Just like you didn’t let me spend Thanksgiving by myself,” he reaches over and grabs my hand.
“I love you, Trev.”
“I love you too, Sis, but fair warning, if they open up your hoo ha and I even get a glimpse, I’m out. Blaze might have to carry me out at that point, but I am totally out if it comes to that.”
I laugh loudly, loving the fact he’s here. “Completely understood. I’m so glad you’re here. For a while there, I wasn’t sure whether you would get to see this or not.”
He’s quiet for a few minutes, his eyes un-focusing before he clears his throat. “I wasn’t sure I would either, but now that I am, nothing’s going to tear me away.”
“So, I think Alabama is playing. Should I turn it on?” Ryan asks, breaking the silence.
It’s agreed, and just like that, I’m taken back to my birthday weekend.
“Fuck this is painful,” I yell as I hold my legs back, pushing for the doctor.
“C’mon Whitney, you got this,” Trevor encourages from where he sits to my side, as far away from my lower half as he can get. Blaze left a little while ago to give us some time as a family, and I’m pretty sure my screaming and yelling is keeping my parents as far away as possible.
“I don’t have it,” I tell him. I’m losing my nerve and my energy.
“You’re close, babe,” Ryan tells me. “I love you so much and I know you’ve got this, don’t you want to meet Stella?”
I do, but God the pain and I’m so exhausted. I don’t know how to explain it to them. “I do,” I pant, holding my mouth open for more ice chips.
“With the next contraction, I want you to push, Whitney. Push against the contraction and we’ll get this baby out,” the doctor says from where she sits.
I’m still not sure I can do it, but I hear the clapping in the fourth quarter of the Alabama game start.
Trevor starts clapping and I want to tell him to shut the fuck up, but something happens.
I can feel my adrenaline start to race; it’s almost like I’m back at that game.
It’s giving me energy I didn’t have before.
I can feel the next contraction coming as the crowd starts to sing along to “Dixieland Delight” and I scream as I push.
My eyes meet Ryan’s and I can feel him giving me his strength, I can feel him encouraging me.
Looking into those brown depths, I know if he could take this job and do it for me he would – that’s the thing that gives me the last bit of courage and strength I need.
Just as the crowd says “and Tennessee too,” Stella makes her screaming entrance into the world.
“She would,” Ryan laughs as he leans in, giving me a kiss. “She would come into the world right as they said Tennessee, she loved that game.”
Tears stream down my face and I can’t hold them back anymore. “Give her to me,” I beg them as I watch the medical staff clean her off before they lay her on my stomach.
Through blurry eyes, I count ten fingers, ten toes, I see a dark helmet of hair, thanks to her daddy, and only then do I let myself lean back and relax. She’s screaming, upset that she’s had to leave her comfort, but she’s here and she’s perfect.
“You did it, Mama,” Ryan mumbles in my ear, reaching out to touch her face. “She’s gorgeous,” he kisses my temple and I can tell by the tone of his voice, he’s as tired as I am.
“No, we did it,” I close my eyes, letting the moment wash over me, letting the emotions seep out of me. When I’ve had my cry and I’m cradling my daughter, I look over at my brother.
The ten years younger brother, who wasn’t planned, and has always been my protector. “Come meet your niece, Trevor. I want her to know what a badass uncle she has to go along with her badass dad.”
Trevor stands with difficulty, but walks over on his own. Leaning down, he gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Ain’t nobody more badass than her mom, and I think we’ll all agree to that.”
The tears that I thought I was holding back? They’re there again and this time I’m not sure they’re gonna stop.