Chapter Twenty-One
Leighton
“Why won’t this thing save?” I beat the keys on the laptop harder than necessary. I growl at it, hoping that it feels my wrath by the way I’m shooting daggers at the screen.
“Be nice to it, and maybe it’ll do what you want it to,” Holden jokes as he comes through the front door, carrying a pizza.
“How long have you been standing there?”
“Long enough to hear you call it some not so flattering words and see you try to beat it to death. C’mon, take a break and eat dinner with me. I’ll leave you along to finish when we’re done.”
He hardly ever leaves me alone when we’re at the house together, and it makes me feel good, because I know it’s because he wants to be with me, not because he’s worried I’ll do something he doesn’t like. “What are you going to go do while I work on this?”
“Probably work out,” he answers tiredly. “Even though I don’t want to, but it’s been a couple of days.”
I get up from where I’m sitting and join him at the kitchen table, taking the paper plate he’s offering me. “I wish I had your dedication.”
“You do.” He takes a huge bite of the piece of pizza in front of him. “You work on homework all the time, and you work a job at The Café you know you don’t need. That’s dedication.”
“Different kind of dedication.”
He agrees as he makes a noise in his throat. “But still dedication nonetheless. I tell people when they talk about criminals, that they are the most dedicated people I’ve ever seen in my life.”
I have to agree with him. I push out an amused breath.
“Yeah, no shit. Like who else would spend that much time trying to hide a part of their lives, just for the sake of it. I always used to ask my dad, what’s the point?
We weren’t living rich, hell sometimes we weren’t even living good, yet he went to all that trouble. ”
“How did you live, Leigh?” He asks softly, and for the first time I feel like it’s non-judgmental. I feel like it’s my husband asking me, rather than an officer asking me.
“It was hard.” I’m honest with him. “There were sometimes when there wasn’t money for food because he’d put all of it into the business. At least until I figured out what I was doing.” I clamp my mouth shut, not believing I just said what I did.
“No, don’t stop now, what do you mean?”
Damn me and my trusting mouth with him. I realize I’ve got to tell him, it’s the right thing to do.
If there’s anyone I can trust, it’s Holden.
“I’m good with numbers. It’s why I want to go to school for accounting.
Back when my dad had me doing the books, I started messing with them, so that Brooks and I would have enough money for food.
Or maybe I could find enough money to get Brooks a birthday gift. Something like that.”
“Damn, Leigh.” His face shows more emotion than I’ve ever seen. It’s like admitting this to him shows him how desperate I was. “No kid should ever have to do that.”
“No,” I agree. “But they do. There are plenty of kids in this country, in this county, in your town who do this because they have to. If I hadn’t done what I did, there were times Brooks and I may not have survived.
That’s why it killed me when he went to jail.
I tried so hard to teach him better, it’s why I take Caleb under my wing like I do.
I failed Brooks.” I let tears that have gathered behind my eyes fall.
“I wanted him to be different; I wanted him to have options and choices. But life took that away from us. I want Caleb to know he doesn’t have to be the status quo.
Just because he’s only had one parent his whole life doesn’t mean he can’t be amazing.
I worry about him, because I think he takes things too seriously.
Brooks did too, and we see where he ended up. ”
Havoc
“It’s not your fault that Brooks is in jail.” I grab her hand, pushing my pizza away. Frankly, I’ve lost my appetite.
“But it feels like it. Someone had to be responsible for him.”
“That wasn’t you,” I argue.
“It was,” she argues back. “I took responsibility and then I failed him. He should have respected the police, should have respected the road.”
“Leighton, listen to me. When he hit Trevor, he was an adult. You can’t take the blame for that. He knew right from wrong.”
She’s listening to me, but I’m not sure I’m getting through.
“He knew right from wrong.” I try again. “He chose to do wrong.”
She sobs, something breaking apart inside of her.
She’s been so strong this entire time she’s been with me.
I’ve never truly seen her lose it, never seen her mourn the loss of her family, of a brother she so obviously loves.
“This hurts so much.” Her bottom lip quivers as she puts her face in her hands, her shoulders shaking.
“What does? You gotta let it out.” I soothe her as I walk over to the chair she’s sitting in, lift her up and settle her in my lap.
This strong woman is sobbing into my shoulder, a dam breaking that I’m not sure she knew she had.
It’s the worst sound I’ve heard in my life, like a wild animal who’s had their child torn from their hands.
“He’s my family.” She rubs at the tears still coming from her eyes. “I wanted him here for every part of my life. I had dreams, ya know?”
“Tell me about them, baby. I’ll make every one of them come true.”
And in this moment, I know I’m telling her the truth.
I never want to see this look on her face again, never want to feel the devastation I feel watching her face screw up in obvious pain and turmoil as I am right now.
This hurts me as much as it hurts her, if not more because I don’t know how to make it better.
“Talk to me,” my voice begs. Unless I know how to, I can’t help, and fuck I want to right now.
My mission in life is to help. When it comes to her, my mission is whatever she needs it to be.
“My dream was to always have a family,” she breathes out of her mouth, using her palm to wipe at the tip of her nose, “to have someone who cared about me, unconditionally. My dad found out I was skimming from the top. That’s what started the fight the day I left.
I’d been saving money to do just that, to get out of here and go build a life for myself.
He found the money I’d hidden, and he wanted to make me pay for what I had done. ”
“God, Leigh. I wish you had come to me,” I whisper as I cradle her against my frame, hunching over to protect her from the harsh realities of the world. “I would’ve done anything to protect you.” I push her hair up from her face, making her look at me.
She’s never been more gorgeous to me right now.
Face red, tears streaming down her face, lips chapped where she’s been continuously licking them, nose red and running.
This is the woman I want for the rest of my life.
This is the woman I want to have my kids one day, sleep with me every night, and wake up to every morning.
“Do you know since the night you kissed me in Birmingham – I haven’t been out on a date with another woman?
I haven’t kissed anyone, I haven’t hugged anyone, haven’t even texted anyone in any kind of manner that could be construed as me flirting? ”
Her intake of breath is sharp, and I can tell I’ve shocked her.
“Goddamn woman, you blew my world apart when you swept up to me in that bar, and I’ve been trying to hold you at arm’s length ever since, because I’m scared to death to let you get too close.
I don’t want you to run.” My voice is gravelly as I’m laying this down for her.
“I don’t want to scare you, because of how I feel about you. ”
“What do you feel?” she whispers, her voice soft, her small fingers digging into the material of my shirt.
“Everything,” I crush her to me. “Everything you can ever imagine I feel for you, and if that scares you then fuck it, because I’m sick of pretending. I can’t do that anymore.”
She makes a noise deep in her throat as I pick her up and carry her to the bedroom.
When I take us both down onto the mattress, wrapping her in my arms, she comes with me easily, putting her head on my chest, circling her arm around my waist. Our legs entangle and we watch the sun go down together, and it’s the best night I’ve ever had in my life, because I’m done hiding and I’m done running.
And I hope like hell she is, too.