Chapter 6 #2
“My mom. I used to help her out in the garden. None of the others had any interest, but I was always amazed by how things grew. I was a bio geek from the start.” He was smiling as he said it, but she could see the pain that was always in his eyes when he talked about his mom.
“Sometimes,” Taylor said softly, “I still can’t believe she’s gone.”
All last night and today, she hadn’t been able to keep from looking down at the beautiful ring on her finger. Not because of the weight of it—somehow, that was strangely familiar, as if it really did belong on her hand. But because of what she wished she could say to Lisa Morrison.
Taylor wished she could let his mother know that though Justin and his siblings were still hurting from her loss, they were all doing much better now. And she wished she could make his mom a promise that she would do whatever it took to be there for Justin, to always be his friend.
Justin’s mother had always been so easy to talk to, to laugh with.
Though Taylor’s family had been on the other side of the country, Lisa Morrison had made her feel she wasn’t so alone, especially those first few months of freshman year when everything had been so new and different.
Taylor had been an automatic invite to every family party, every birthday, even the hotly contested family tennis tournament.
After Lisa had been diagnosed, Taylor had not only accompanied Justin to his mother’s hospital room many times, she’d also gone alone to visit with her.
Sometimes, they had chatted, laughed. Other times, they simply sat quietly together, Lisa’s hand in Taylor’s, this very ring on his mother’s finger.
“She’d like knowing we’re here together in your garden,” Justin said. “Especially since she always wanted me to be with you.”
Taylor nearly dropped the clippers. “She said that?”
“Well, she always told me how much she loved you. And how she felt like you were one of the family.”
Love for his mother tangled with disappointment that Lisa hadn’t literally said she wanted Justin and Taylor to be together. “That’s a pretty big leap to make,” she said in as light a voice as she could manage. “Especially when everyone knows we’ve never been anything more than friends.”
“Haven’t we?”
This time, the clippers did fall. Nearly taking out the toes of her right foot, in fact. “Are you thirsty? Or hungry?” She didn’t wait for him to reply. “I’ll go put something together in the kitchen for us.”
But instead of letting her run from him the way she had the night before, he reached out and grabbed her hand. “I haven’t forgotten,” he said in a low voice. “Do you remember, Taylor? What happened that night before I left for Germany…”
Oh God. Of course she remembered. How could she possibly forget the night she’d made an utter, absolute fool of herself?
It had been early in senior year, the night before the lab in Frankfurt had unexpectedly whisked him off.
She’d been having trouble with her Bioinformatics class all quarter.
Her brain couldn’t quite connect the dots, and Justin had saved her by tutoring her.
Their sessions usually went down over beer and burgers, but it was still extra work he didn’t need to take on.
Wanting his time to be worth it, she’d worked twice as hard.
She’d been dreading the midterm exam, but Justin had prepared her far beyond what the professor expected.
Justin had been waiting for her outside the classroom.
She’d been unable to control her reaction, had literally leaped into his arms. “I aced it.” She didn’t need to get her grade back to be sure of it.
He’d spun her around, grinning, as she said, “Let’s celebrate. ”
She’d never been great at holding her liquor.
She wasn’t much to look at on the dance floor either.
But she’d been on such a high that she’d forgotten both of those things that night.
She couldn’t remember how many tequila shots she’d tossed back, only that dancing made her thirsty and every shot made her want to dance more.
All the times she and Justin had gone out together, just the two of them or in a group, she’d always been careful not to behave as though they were a couple.
There were no slow dances, no inappropriate touches or glances.
But that night, her inhibitions finally fell.
Far enough that when the other couples on the dance floor drew close, she couldn’t stop herself from doing the same with Justin.
He’d let her put her arms around him, let her drunkenly hold on and sway to the music. And then, the next thing she knew, her mouth was on his…and she was kissing him with all the passion she’d been holding back for three years.
She’d tried to tell herself she’d done it only because she was drunk, too far gone to have any self-control. But if that were actually true, then she wouldn’t have been so erotically aware of his taste, or the breathtaking feel of his lips crushed to hers, or the sensual slick of his tongue.
She hadn’t wanted to pull away, hadn’t ever wanted to stop kissing him.
But when another couple bumped into them on the dance floor, jolting them apart, she knew she couldn’t get away with it twice.
She hadn’t even been able to look him in the eye.
She’d let her words slur and pretended to be on the verge of passing out.
He’d taken her home and tucked her in, then watched over her while she’d feigned sleep.
The next morning, he’d let her make lame excuses about drinking too much, until Grant had called with the news that Justin needed to get on the next plane to Frankfurt because they wanted to fund his research and start work immediately.
Everything had moved so fast after that, as she helped him with packing and hasty good-byes.
Fast enough that neither of them had brought up the kiss again.
Not until today.
She scrunched her eyes shut, as mortified five years later as she’d been the morning after. “I’d hoped you had forgotten,” she whispered. “I never should have behaved that way. Never should have gotten drunk and forced myself on you.”
“You didn’t force yourself on me, Taylor. I’m the one who took advantage of you when you were drunk.”
“You didn’t!” Her eyes shot open in her shock that he could think such a thing. “You were a perfect gentleman, just like always.”
“Not that night, I wasn’t. And I’m still not. Because even though I’ve had five years to repent what I did, I still can’t help wanting to do it again. Do you have any idea how many times I’ve replayed our kiss in my head? How much I want to kiss you again?”
Somewhere in the back of her mind, Taylor knew there was more than one rational reason why they shouldn’t do this. But her desperate need for him didn’t only push all of those reasons away, it also pushed her back into his arms…and her mouth against his.