Chapter 18
RYAN
I watch her as she processes everything I just said. Maybe I’ve had one too many drinks—I definitely said too much. I’ve been too honest, too blunt, too bold. But I’m too tired to care anymore. While I love the flirtatious banter, I’m over this up-and-down bullshit that she keeps dishing out.
I’m crazy about Cooper. I think about her constantly. Fuck, even when Beth’s mouth was around my cock, I thought of Cooper. And maybe that makes me a complete asshole, but I can’t help it. I want her. And I want her to break up with her douchebag fiancé.
I lost my head tonight in the pool. She was testing me, pushing my limits—I could see that. But part of it was real. The fun, carefree Cooper who laughed and played in the pool with me like we were teenagers—that side of her was real.
She’s now scowling at me. “What makes you think I’m not happy in my relationship?”
Ah, so she’s going to avoid everything I said about her and go straight to defending Brad.
I shrug. “Mostly comments you’ve made… A few things, actually. The way you roll your eyes or sigh when he texts or calls. The way you were on edge at the Christmas Party, and then I saw you two arguing—the fact that you're still fighting ten days later. And, honestly, the fact that you just kissed me in the pool.” I hesitate, unsure if I should say more, but I do. “I heard you two this morning… arguing.” I grimace. “Was that about me?”
I wait for some snappy response about my huge ego.
She sighs heavily. “God, this is so embarrassing.” She leans back, folding her arms. “Brad’s always been a little insecure when it comes to me. He’s very much the jealous type.” She pauses, like she’s debating how much to tell me. “He thinks you want to fuck me. That's what we were fighting about at the Christmas party… and again this morning. And ever since then, it feels like we fight about every little thing. It’s been… really shitty.”
“I’m sorry,” I say, and I mean it. I never wanted to be the cause of contention between them, but Brad’s not wrong. He sees it clearly—because it’s true. I do want that. I want her. I want all of her. And maybe that makes me selfish, but I can’t pretend otherwise.
“I keep reassuring him that you’re married, and that you’re not interested.” Her eyes find mine, biting her lip, hesitant. “Even though I know that he’s right,” she whispers.
I smile, laughing softly. “Yeah. I think we’ve established that.” She laughs with me. “Are you happy?” I ask.
She pauses, her eyes going misty before she shakes her head. “No. Not really… I used to be, but I haven’t been for a while now.” She scoffs. “Lately, it seems like the only thing keeping us together is sex. That’s it. And even that’s become toxic most of the time.”
“Why do you stay then?”
She lets out a sharp, hollow laugh. “I ask myself that question all the time.” She shakes her head, taking a deep breath before exhaling slowly. “I don’t know… Somewhere along the way, I just completely lost myself—my courage, my confidence.” She shrugs, avoiding my eyes. “It’s embarrassing, really. And now… I don’t know how to leave. Or maybe I’ve just convinced myself I can’t.” Her gaze finally meets mine. “And every time I try, I just end up back where I started.”
“What do you mean you don’t know how to leave? You just pack up your things and go.”
“It’s not that easy, Ryan. I love Brad, or at least I used to. He just… Ugh! He’s good at playing the victim, you know? Sometimes I feel like a puppet, and it drives me crazy, but it’s easier to keep the peace than to disturb it.”
Fuck. Brad sounds like a controlling asshole. Everything she’s saying screams manipulation.
“I don’t know what to say,” I finally admit. “But you deserve more than a guy who makes you feel like a puppet, Cooper.”
She shrugs. “Maybe… Maybe not.”
Shit, hearing this pisses me the fuck off. If there’s one thing I know about Cooper, it’s that she’s feisty as hell. I’d never guess she wasn’t the one calling the shots in her relationship, and the fact that she’s not says a lot about Brad. If she were mine, she’d have me wrapped around her tiny little finger. I place my hand on her back. “You ever think about what it’d be like if you left?”
She laugh-cries, wiping at her eyes. “All the fucking time.”
A heavy silence stretches between us. I should probably back off, give her space. But I don’t. “Then leave. Why stay with a guy who doesn’t see you? Who doesn’t deserve you?”
She bites her lip, and for a second, I think she might actually tell me. But then she shakes her head. “You wouldn’t understand.”
“Try me.”
She squeezes her eyes shut, her voice barely a whisper. “I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Hey,” I say softly, rubbing her back. She leans forward, cupping her forehead, hiding her eyes. “Hey.” I feel her take a breath, and after a moment, she sits up, dabbing at her eyes with a cocktail napkin.
“Has he ever hurt you?” I have to ask it.
“No. God, no. He would never.” She shakes her head, folding her arms tightly. “I promise. He’s not like that, he’s just… I don’t know. Selfish. And he can be mean—not physically, but with his words, you know?”
She looks away, taking a shaky breath. “I’m starting to wonder if maybe I’m one of those women. Stuck in this cycle, making excuses for him, brushing things off. Is he a narcissist? Am I just brainwashed? I don’t know. But I keep letting him pull me back in, and it’s like… God, I don’t even know who I am anymore.”
I want more than anything to fix this for her, but the words sit there, lodged in my throat, useless. What the hell am I supposed to say? I’ve heard about situations like this, but I’ve never had someone I care about stuck in one.
She’s strong as hell, though—more than she knows.
She musters a small, shaky smile, her eyes glassy. “But what about you? What are you going to do about Beth?”
I take the shift in conversation as a sign that she’s done talking about it and force myself to follow her lead.
I shrug. “What is there to do? I just have to be patient. Pray for her next follow-up to go well, and try to move on with my life.”
“You really don’t want to work things out? You can’t forgive her?”
“It’s not about forgiveness. Sure, I can forgive her, but I can’t just forget what happened. I thought everything was great, you know? I’d never be able to fully trust her again.” I pick up my glass, swirling the ice inside. “It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.” I take a long drink of the cold water. “If you don’t have trust in a relationship, you don’t have anything.”
From the look on her face, you’d think someone just knocked the wind out of her.
“Did you ever ask her why she cheated?” she asks. “It’s just… you said you thought things were going well. So, I wonder… did you ask her why she did it?”
I raise a brow. “Would it matter?” I ask. Of course, I asked Beth why. That was one of the first things I wanted to know. But now I’m curious where Cooper is heading with this.
“I think it does. Usually, when a man cheats, it’s physical—something about sex or opportunity. But when a woman cheats, it’s often emotional. A need isn’t being met, and someone else starts filling that role. So, I don’t know… maybe you were working too much, and she felt disconnected—maybe she didn’t mean for it to happen… Maybe it just did.”
“I think it’s a lot more nuanced than that.” I scowl. “You’re being awfully sympathetic to my wife who had an affair, when earlier you were ready to cast stones because you thought I was a cheater. Why the double standard?”
“Because it’s different. Wanting to fuck someone isn’t the same as wanting someone because they make you feel something.”
“I would’ve rather she just fucked some guy. That would’ve hurt a hell of a lot less than developing feelings for someone.”
“I don’t think it’s better. Especially when the other person is at home, willing and waiting for them.”
“Are we talking about you or me now?” After hearing her argument with Brad this morning, it’s pretty clear he’s cheated on her.
“You,” she says quickly. “I just can’t imagine Beth went looking for someone else just for sex. It’s not like you weren’t home ready to be with her. And let’s be honest, you’re not ugly—something was off. But if it were reversed, if you had the affair… it’d probably be all about the physical desire, about the sex.”
I lean in, my eyes laser focused. “Why do you want me to forgive my wife so much? Why are you so convinced she’s innocent in all this?”
“I don’t think she’s innocent. I just…” She glances down at her hands, and then back to me. She exhales. “Because if I slept with you, I don’t think I’d feel bad about it.”
My pulse skips a beat. My eyes drop to her mouth, and I force them back to hers. I can’t go there. It’s not even on the table. She looks at me with a longing that breaks my heart. There’s nothing I’d love more than to make her last sentence a reality. But it’s not right. I sigh. “You’re really that checked out?”
She nods, swallowing hard. “I think I’ve been checked out for a while. I just haven’t wanted to admit it.”
I reach over, brushing my hand against hers. “Look… if you need help with anything—somewhere to stay, or even just someone to talk to—I’m here. I’m a friend, Cooper.”
“Thanks, Ryan.” She smiles softly, her voice lighter than before. “So… apparently you’re not an asshole.”
I chuckle softly. “If only you’d asked me about Beth weeks ago.”
“I know… I’m sorry that I didn’t.”
“It’s okay.”
“Why didn’t you ever tell me about her? I mean, cancer, Ryan. God , that's heavy. I thought we were friends… before the Christmas party anyway.” A smile tugs at one corner of her lips.
“I don’t know,” I say honestly. “I guess you were a bit of an escape.” I let out a soft laugh. “You have a way of making me forget about all the shit—the cancer, the affair—Beth.”
She licks her lips, her expression serious but unreadable.
“You know, if you do ever break up with Brad… I’d love to take you out—on a real date.” I clear my throat, suddenly nervous even though I’ve confessed worse. “I’ve wanted that since the moment I laid eyes on you. Come on, Cooper. There’s something here—don't tell me I'm the only one who feels it.”
Her smile’s soft, and her gaze drops briefly before meeting mine again. “Maybe you’re right.”
I lean closer. “I bet we’d discover a hell of a lot more in that pool without the boundaries. No bullshit. Just us.”
Her lips twitch, mischief dancing in her eyes. She tilts her head, her voice dipping into a sultry tease. “So… you’re saying it’d be all about the orgasms, then?”
Just hearing her say the word orgasm gets me hard.
“Well, if I remember correctly, you had a lot of those in Newport.” I smirk, cocking a brow. “And I know you weren’t faking it.”
She smacks her lips together, shaking her head, trying to hold out, but finally she relents. “Fine. You win.” She holds up her hand, mouthing ‘five’ as she grins.
“Five?” I ask, my eyes widening. “You had five orgasms?”
“Mm hmm.” She pats my arms. “But I’ll still never admit it was good.”
“Oh!” I say laughing. “You just confessed to five orgasms. I think that speaks for itself.”
“Well, I’ve always orgasmed easily, so don’t let it go to your head.”
“Still… five?” I shake my head in disbelief.
I watch her for a moment longer, not wanting the night to end, but knowing we have a long day ahead of us tomorrow. We’ve settled into something comfortable, and part of me wants to stay right here, keep talking. But we both know where this is headed if we keep it up, and it’s probably not the best idea.
“We should probably head upstairs,” I say reluctantly. “Looks like they’re closing up, plus we have a busy day tomorrow.”
“You’re probably right.” She slides out of the stool, turning to wait for me as I close our tab.
We walk back to our rooms in a comfortable silence, side by side. And for the first time since the Christmas party, it doesn’t feel like we’re at war.
When we get to her door, she turns to me. “Thanks for talking to me, Ryan.”
I don’t bother hiding the seriousness in my voice. “Anytime. Just… think about what you want. And if you need to talk, you know where to find me.”
She swallows, her eyes flicking to my lips for a split second. I could kiss her right now, pull her into my room—pick up where we left off at the pool. But I don’t. Instead, I pull her in for a hug. She wraps her arms tightly around my waist, and I grin. We’ve broken past the angry barriers she put up. We’re friends again—though I want so much more. I want her so badly it hurts.
When she steps back, she lingers, staring at my mouth. “Good night, Ryan.” She slips into her room without another word.