Chapter 23
COOPER
“Has Brad landed yet?” Casey asks, taking a sip of her hot chocolate.
I check my phone again. “Not yet,” I say, as I wrap my blanket a little tighter around myself. It’s late, dark out. The heat lamps on my dad's patio are turned up, and we’re both dressed for the cooler temperature. The Christmas lights wrapping around the patio railing are on, and it’s pitch black as we stare into the abyss. Only the sounds of the ocean and the waves crashing against the sand proves that there’s a big body of water out there. “He should be landing any minute.”
It’s almost eight. This is Casey’s and my Christmas Eve tradition when we’re at my dad’s house. We eat dinner with my dad on the patio and watch the sunset, then me and Casey sit here with our hot chocolate until she leaves. We used to stay here until we were falling asleep, but now that she has Mason, she leaves a little earlier to get him to bed.
She checks her watch. “I’ve got to get going in a few minutes.”
My phone lights up. “That must be Brad.” I pick it up, and my heart stops. It’s not Brad—it’s Ryan. I haven’t seen or heard from him for four days—since the elevator incident.
I instinctively suck in a sharp breath, my hand flying to my mouth in shock.
“What?” Casey asks.
“It’s Ryan.”
Casey’s eyes go wide. “Well, what does it say?”
I shouldn’t want to look at it as much as I do. Brad’s on his way, and it’s Christmas—my favorite holiday. I usually love spending this time with him, but this year, I have mixed feelings about it.
I open my messages, letting out my breath in disappointment.
“What does it say?” Casey presses, more urgently this time.
I hesitate. “It says ‘ Hey… ’” I don’t know why I feel let down. What was I expecting? Hey, Cooper, can’t stop thinking about you. Want to sneak off and bone?
I laugh to myself, tipping my chin toward the sky.
“Okay…” Casey says slowly. “A little anti-climatic, but hey—he’s thinking of you.”
“Right,” I say. “And why is that something that makes me happy?”
Casey shrugs. “Because you like him.” She smiles softly, and I appreciate her honesty. But sometimes, I wish she’d just smack some sense into me, tell me what to do. I know she’s never liked Brad, and part of me wants her to outright say, ‘Leave him.’ But she won’t. That’s not her style. She doesn’t believe in telling me how to live my life, even when I wish she would. Even when I’m desperate for someone to pull me out.
“Well text him back,” Casey urges.
Instead, she just encourages me to flirt with Ryan. To pretend Brad doesn’t exist. To be dishonest. Just like she did that night in Newport. And for some reason, I take Casey’s advice as gospel, even when I know it’s wrong. It makes it easier to justify because part of me already feels this way—like if two of us think it, it can’t be entirely wrong.
“What do I even say? Just… Hey ?”
“Yeah. Or you could just skip to the chase and send him a nudie.” She laughs, and I join her.
“Oh, he’d love that.”
“Who wouldn’t? You’re a hot piece of ass, Coop. Any man should feel like the luckiest man alive to be with you.”
I catch the emphasis on should . “Subtle,” I say. “Brad knows he’s lucky.”
“Does he?” she asks, a sad expression on her face.
“Yes, he does. You’ll see—he’s missed me all week. He may even surprise you… Maybe you’ll finally warm up to him.”
God, why did I just defend him?
“I’m not holding my breath. Are you texting him back or what?”
I hesitate. “Yeah. I’ll text him back.”
Cooper: Hey back.
“You really went with ‘hey back?’ Come on Coop. Turn up the heat!”
“Chill. I’m feeling it out. I've got to see where he’s going with this. Our last encounter wasn’t exactly… normal.” Just thinking about it gives me butterflies—the elevator, his kiss, how he left. Good Lord.
I get another text.
“Oh. It’s Brad.” Disappointment slips into my voice, and Casey gives me a pointed look.
Brad: Hey baby, just landed. Grabbing an Uber. Can’t wait to see you.
I force a smile. It’s not that I don’t want Brad here, or that I’m not happy to see him—it’s just that Ryan seems to overshadow everything lately. But does that feeling disappear once you cross the line? That’s where I hesitate. Is this all fun and games because I’m not supposed to want Ryan? Because I’m going to text him back? Because I don’t want Brad to know?
Casey grabs my phone and starts typing.
“What are you doing?” I ask, panic rising in my throat.
“What you should be doing.” She gives me a bold look—daring me to stop her.
I know it’s pointless to try to take it back—plus, part of me doesn’t want to. “Casey, don’t. Just don’t make me look desperate or… embarrass me.”
She chucks it back.
“I didn’t. Just sent enough to get the conversation going.”
“ Glad you texted. I’ve been thinking about you. Really? Way to give him the upper hand, Case. Now he thinks I’ve been sitting here obsessing over him for days.”
“Two things: One, you have been sitting here obsessing over him. And two, it never hurts to stroke a guy’s ego now and then. Sometimes, you just have to make the first move.”
“You’re giving me a lecture on initiating? That’s how we ended up in that elevator mess in the first place. I initiated… hardcore. I don’t know if I want to keep playing that game.”
“Of course you do. You just need to break it off with Brad first… I’ve gotta get going. Say hi to Brad for me—or don’t. Whatever.”
“You’re such a jerk.” I stick my tongue out at her.
She laughs, standing. “Enjoy your conversation with Ryan,” she says teasingly. “Don’t let Brad see those messages.”
“I won’t. I’ll delete them… and I’m done texting him.”
“Sure you are.” Casey winks, and I stand to give her a hug goodbye. “Love you, sis. See you in the morning.”
“Love you back. See you.”
As she walks inside, my phone buzzes again. I settle back, bracing for some fun.
Ryan: Ah, you’re still thinking about that kiss in the elevator? Just a taste of what could be…
Ryan: If you were single.
A grin spreads across my face, heart racing a little faster.
Cooper: And you’re still full of yourself…
As soon as I hit send, I wish I’d gone with flirty instead of snarky. I scramble to redeem myself.
Cooper: Of course I think about it. Every. Damn. Day.
Ryan: Too bad that’s all we’ll ever have to think about… well, that and Newport.
Cooper: What do you mean? Trust me, I think about way more than that.
Ryan: Yeah, but those are just fantasies. Too bad we can’t make them come true…
Cooper: Why not?
Ryan: You know why. Starts with B, ends with d.
Cooper: An affair could be exciting, tho. Sneaking around, hooking up in random places, trying not to get caught. Admit it—that’s hot. (winky face emoji)
Ryan: Yeah, I’ve been on the other side of that, and trust me… not so hot. Also, never worth it.
Cooper: Relax. I’m joking.
Ryan: Brad there with you?
And… just like that, he killed the vibe.
Cooper: Almost. In an Uber.
Ryan: Well, enjoy your time with him. He’s a keeper, that one. You’re a lucky girl. Just… try not to think about me while he’s touching you tonight. Not fair to Brad.
Cooper: Nice try, Ryan. #eyeroll
Ryan: Lol. Night, Cooper.
And that’s it. I sit in the silence for a while, listening to the ocean until I hear Brad’s Uber pull up. I head inside, trying to muster up some excitement.
I force a smile as Brad steps through the door, willing myself to look excited.
“Hey, babe!” I greet him with a hug and quick kiss. “How was the flight?”
“Hey, baby. It was good.” He holds on to me a bit longer than usual, his arms tightening around me.
My dad comes to the door. “Hey, Brad. Good to see you.” They go in for a man hug, slapping each other’s backs. My dad’s always liked Brad. Maybe they share some unspoken connection—cheaters’ instincts, or something. I hate that they share the thing I dislike most about them.
“Hey, how’s my favorite father-in-law?”
“I’m good, really good.” They pull apart from their bonding hug, and my dad turns to Brad with a grin. “So, when’s the big wedding? I can’t get her to give me any details,” he adds, glancing at me with a raised eyebrow.
“We don’t know yet, Dad,” I say just as Brad answers, “Hopefully soon.” We exchange a look that says it all—proof we’re on entirely different pages.
“I keep trying to nail down a date,” Brad says, pulling me closer.
Without meaning to, I pull back slightly. “There’s no rush, though…” I say gently, catching Brad’s frown and my dad’s puzzled look. “I just want things to be perfect. No need to rush into anything,” I add, hoping it’ll satisfy them both.
“Right,” Brad says as he looks at my dad. “We were talking about the fall a few weeks ago.” He looks back at me. “That should give Cooper all the time she needs to plan and make everything perfect.”
I smile. “Yep. Fall would be pretty.”
“Well, I wouldn’t stall much longer,” my dad chimes in. “Trust me, after a few weddings, I know venues book up fast.” I roll my eyes, which doesn’t go unnoticed by my dad. He pauses. “I don’t know about Chicago, but you’d have a hard time finding a venue in Newport even a year out.”
“It’ll be fine, Dad. Worst case, we can always get married right here.” But even as I say all the right things, I know it’s never going to happen. Just hearing about the wedding makes me feel like I’m suffocating. I fake a yawn. “Think I’ll head to bed. You coming?” I glance over at Brad.
“Yeah, I’ll be right there.”
I head up the stairs and crawl into bed. I skip my nighttime routine, hoping Brad will stay downstairs talking to my dad long enough for me to fall asleep first. Pulling out my phone, unable to help myself, I open the text thread with Ryan. I read and re-read his words, the glow from the screen lighting up my fingers and blankets. I hover over the keyboard, wanting him to know he’s on my mind, but I’m not sure what to say. Before I can second-guess myself, my thumbs move quickly, and I hit send.
Cooper: Sweet dreams, Ryan. I know mine will be.
I silence notifications and set my phone to sleep mode—just in case he texts back. The last thing I need is a blaring message from Ryan on my screen when Brad comes to bed.
* * * * * ? * * * * *
I slip out of bed early on Christmas morning, unable to sleep. It’s barely five. Bundling up, I grab my phone and head outside for a walk, hoping to clear my head. I have a message from Ryan that was sent late last night. My pulse quickens as I swipe up to read it.
Ryan: Any dream with you in it would make me more than happy.
I smile as I read it. I text him back, hoping I don’t wake him.
Cooper: So, turns out I had a super weird dream. You were in it, but it was like an episode of The Office. We were at work, and I kept asking if anyone had seen my vibrator. #awkward
Thirty minutes later, as I round the corner to my dad’s street, my phone buzzes with another text from Ryan.
Ryan: Why are you up so early? Excited for Santa? Also, I hope I was Jim and you were Pam—you know, cuz they end up doing it.
I shake my head, laughing. God, he’s such a nerd.
Cooper: Couldn’t sleep. And… DOING IT? Are you thirteen? Lol.
Ryan: What do you have against doing it? Did you and Brad do it last night?
Cooper: God, you really are thirteen… Let me guess, you jerked off into a sock last night and left it under the bed for your mom to find later? Merry Christmas, Mom! Here’s a crusty gift from your 30-something son. (How old are you, anyway?)
I head out to the back patio and sink onto the sofa, grinning from ear to ear. Why is this so much fun?
Ryan: Hey, a man’s gotta make do with what he’s got. But what do you expect when all I can think about is your beautiful body pressed against me in that elevator? That cute laugh… those lips? Fuck. Don’t even get me started. #sorrymom #cumsocks—oh, and I’m 34 btw. How old are you?
I laugh out loud.
Cooper: That actually made me laugh out loud. I know you’re joking, but also… that was hot… I’m 27.
Ryan: What are you doing?
Cooper: Sitting on the patio, watching the waves…
Ryan: Ah… waiting for me to run by. Hate to disappoint, but no sexy men will be by today.
Ryan: Are you alone?
Cooper: Yes. Why?
Ryan: What are you wearing?
I roll my eyes, already knowing where this is going. “Oh God,” I say out loud, shaking my head. So typical.
Cooper: Is this where I’m supposed to text back “nothing”?
Ryan: Come on. Just play along.
Cooper: I’m in sweats—big, comfy joggers and an oversized Chicago Bears sweatshirt. UGG slippers, too, with a big blanket wrapped around me. It’s practically lingerie.
Ryan: Sexy to me. Joggers, huh? Easy access… kinda does it for me.
Cooper: Shut up! No, it does not.
Ryan: Do you have any idea how good you’d feel against me in your sweats?
Wait, what?
Ryan: I’m picturing it right now. What it would be like to be there with you.
Okay… where is he going with this?
Cooper: Tell me more about that… what would it be like?
Ryan: I’m thinking how I’d love to be sitting on the couch with you. Wrapped up in that blanket together. You’d be on my lap, my arms wrapped around your waist. Maybe a hand finds its way under your sweatshirt.
Is he… sexting me? What the hell is happening? I decide to play along, because—why not? I want to.
Cooper: Consider me intrigued.
Ryan: I’d run my hands down your body, fingers tracing over your skin… teasing you. Making you want more.
Ryan: You’d like that wouldn’t you?
Cooper: Maybe… not totally convinced yet.
Ryan: Oh, you would. And then I’d lean in, kiss your neck—just soft enough to keep you wanting more… You’d press back against me with that beautiful ass of yours—moaning, driving me insane.
A tightening knot forms low in my stomach, heat spreading through me like wildfire. Okay. He’s doing things for me… I’m all kinds of turned on, right now.
Cooper: Jesus, Ryan.
Ryan: You like that, don’t you? Just picturing me touching you… slowly, deliberately… really feeling every inch. It’s driving you crazy, isn’t it?
Cooper: Maybe a little… but don’t let it go to your head.
Ryan: Just a little? I’ll have to do better then. I want you so turned on you can barely stand it—I want you desperate.
Jesus Christ. I’m there—practically desperate already.
Cooper: Oh yeah? And how exactly are you going to do that from Arizona?
Ryan: Picture this—I’m there with you—I’ve laid you down on the sofa on the patio. I’ve removed your sweatshirt because we don’t need that. I’ll keep you warm. I’m hovering over you as I whisper in your ear everything I’m about to do to you. My hand slides down, inch by inch, until it’s right where you need me most… but I stop, just to hear you beg for it.
Cooper: Right. Except I’d never beg for “it”.
Ryan: Not yet. But you will.
Cooper: Prove it.
Ryan: You asked for it. I’d kiss you, long and deep, then work my way down—your neck, your shoulders, taking those sweet tits into my mouth. You’ll love it, of course. You’ll press into me, wanting more. I’d drag my tongue down to your stomach. God, I can practically hear your moans right now.
Cooper: Still not begging.
But holy shit. Inside, I’m practically begging .
Ryan: Now imagine my hand slipping into your pants, my fingers teasing you, just enough to get you worked up. You can feel how close you are, but I make you wait for it. So, tell me, Coop… are you getting turned on?
Holy shit. Yes. I’m so turned on, it’s ridiculous . I sink down into the couch, getting comfortable. I might have to grab my vibrator soon, but I’m way too into this to move.
Cooper: Fine… yeah.
Ryan: Good. Let me take it a little further.
The text bubble pops up, then disappears.
Cooper: I’m waiting…
Such a jackass. He knows exactly what he’s doing to me.
Ryan: When I finally touch you, you’ll be so wet that my fingers will slide right in. But I won’t give it to you—not right away. I’ll keep you close, almost there… until you can’t take it anymore.
Sweet Jesus. This man.
Ryan: I want you to touch yourself, Coop—pretend it’s me. Imagine my hands on you, feeling every inch of you. Every second is about you—making you feel so fucking good. Those are my fingers on your pussy, taking my time. Even from here, I want you to feel how good it would be if I were there, with nothing in the way.
Oh. My. God. Is he serious? I glance around and check my watch—it’s only six. No one else should be up for at least an hour, and the beach is empty. For now.
Cooper: Seriously, what are you doing? You’re killing me here.
Ryan: I know. Trust me, you’ll love it. So… is your hand in your joggers?
I hesitate. Am I really going to do this? Or am I just going to tell him I am? It’s hard to text one-handed—especially with my left. But I’m so turned on, I’d kill for a release right now… and I’d love for it to be with Ryan in my head. I slide my hand into my pants and switch to voice-to-text.
Cooper: Yes.
Ryan: Slide your hand lower. Start slow. Imagine it’s me. Soft, teasing touches… just enough to make you lose it.
I run my fingers along my clit. My God—I’m so wet, it’s insane . The pulsing between my legs is so strong, I’m already close.
Cooper: Ryan, I swear… if you tell anyone about this, I’ll strangle you with my bare hands.
Ryan: Feel how wet you are. You’re soaked, aren’t you?
Cooper: Yes.
Ryan: Good girl. That’s because of me.
Holy hell. I’ve been seeing this side of Ryan more and more—demanding, teasing, always leaving me wanting more. And it just makes him that much harder to resist.
Ryan: Now keep going. Move your fingers just a little faster. You’re close, aren’t you, Coop?
Cooper: Almost there.
Ryan: You wanna cum, don’t you? But you’re not ready yet—not until I say. Don’t you dare.
Ryan: Now… move faster. Get yourself close.
Cooper: I’m so close. I can’t hold on much longer.
Ryan: Good. But don’t cum yet. Now, imagine my mouth on you, kissing, licking your pussy… tasting you. God, I remember exactly how good you taste, Coop—just drives me crazy. You’re trembling under me, wanting me so badly you can’t even think straight.
Cooper: Jesus. Ryan. You’re killing me.
Ryan: I’d suck your clit now. I can hear the sounds you’d make. And I’m so fucking hard for you, it hurts.
A moan escapes me.
Cooper: Fuck, Ryan. When can I cum?
Ryan: Not yet. I want you to hold it. Feel it build, feel the tension, knowing you can’t cum until I tell you to.
Cooper: I can’t wait. I want it now.
Ryan: Oh, you can. And you will. Now… stop. Right there.
Cooper: What? Are you serious?
Ryan: Yeah, stop. Don’t move. Keep your hand right where it is, but don’t you dare finish.
I do exactly what I’m told. And it almost kills me. The pulsing of my desire drumming in my ears as I barely hold on.
Cooper: Ryan, please… don’t make me wait. I need this.
Ryan: Oh, I know you do. But you’re not going to get it. Not today.
Ryan: Because if you want me to make you cum… you’re going to have to leave Brad. No more games, Cooper. No more teasing. You want this? You want me? Then make it happen.
What the actual FUCK?
Cooper: Ryan, don’t be an ass.
Ryan: You’ll just have to wait, babe. Enjoy the frustration. Maybe next time, we’ll finish what we started… but only if you’re free. Merry fucking Christmas.
I send him the middle finger emoji, and run inside to find my bullet from my purse. I can’t believe him. What a dick… Ugh—and a dick I still want… in more ways than one. I settle under my blanket and find my release. Then, feeling content, I snap a picture of my bullet and send it to him.
Cooper: Guess I don’t need you after all.
I smile, satisfied.