Chapter 5 Ivy
Ivy
We lie tangled together afterward, my head on Colt's chest, listening to his heartbeat slow. The morning light streams through the windows, and I've never felt more content in my life.
But I can feel the tension creeping back into his body, seeing the walls already starting to rebuild in his eyes.
"Don't," I whisper, pressing a soft kiss to his chest.
"Don't what?"
"Don't start regretting this. Don't start pulling away."
He's quiet for a long moment, his hand stroking through my hair. "It shouldn't have happened."
The words sting, but I refuse to let him see how much. "Which part? The part where you made me feel cherished and beautiful? Or the part where you looked at me like I was everything you'd been searching for?"
"You don't understand."
"Then help me understand." I sit up too, clutching the sheet to my chest. "Tell me what happened that made you think you don't deserve to be happy."
For a long moment, I think he might actually do it. His walls crack, and I see the devastating pain underneath.
"I lost them," he says finally, his voice breaking. "My team. Three years ago, we got a call about hikers trapped in an avalanche zone. The weather was deteriorating, but they'd been missing for two days. A family. Parents and two kids."
My heart clenches. "Colt..."
"I made the call to go in anyway. I was the lead coordinator. It was my decision." His hands shake as he speaks. "We found the family. Got them out. But on the way back, the mountain came down."
I can barely breathe. "How many?"
"Two of my best people. Sarah, twenty-six, just got engaged. And William, thirty-four, had three kids." His voice breaks completely. "They died because I made the wrong call. Because I was so desperate to be the hero that I ignored the warning signs."
The anguish in his voice is unbearable. I reach for him, but he flinches away.
"The family you saved," I say quietly. "They're alive because of you."
"They're alive because Sarah and William died."
"No." My voice is fierce. "They're alive because you were brave enough to try. Sarah and William knew the risks—they chose to go because they believed in what you were doing."
"You don't understand."
"I understand survivor's guilt." My voice is quiet. "I understand what it's like to blame yourself for things beyond your control. After my parents died in a car accident, I spent two years thinking it should have been me."
He looks at me then, really looks, and I see recognition in his eyes.
"But eventually I realized that dishonoring their memory by refusing to live wasn't what they would have wanted," I continue. "And I don't think Sarah and William would want you spending the rest of your life alone on this mountain, either."
In the distance, we hear the rumble of heavy machinery. The snowplows are working to clear the roads.
"They'll be here soon," Colt says, and there's panic in his voice.
"Yes." I move closer, placing my hand over his heart. "But that doesn't change what happened between us. That doesn't change how I feel about you."
"Ivy."
"I love you," I say before I lose my courage. "I know it's crazy and too fast, but I love you, Colt Murphy. And I'm not going to let you push me away because you're scared."
He stares at me like I've just spoken a foreign language. "You can't love me. You barely know me."
"I know enough. I know you're kind and protective and gentle. I know you make incredible coffee and that you gave up everything that brought you joy because you didn't think you deserved it anymore."
The sound of engines grows closer.
"I know you're worth saving," I finish. "The question is: do you want to be saved?"
He cups my face in his hands, his eyes searching mine. "You terrify me."
"Good. Maybe it's time you took a leap of faith."
The first rescue vehicle rounds the bend, followed by others. Our time is up.
"Choose," I whisper as the vehicles pull into his driveway. "Choose me. Choose us. Choose to live again."
But before he can answer, the world intrudes, and everything changes.