Chapter 9 Cade
NINE
CADE
Istill taste Lydia on my lips as I enter my office. The room used to go completely unused, set up only out of necessity, not out of actual desire to do anything.
Her words repeat over and over in my head as I collapse into my desk chair and open my laptop. It takes a moment to boot, but I open a drawer of files by me and pull out everything Tobias had sent me recently—and a few from years ago.
After the fire, he and our few best friends offered to buy the land the lodge sat on from me.
August, a developer, said he could rebuild it.
Callahan, the business manager from hell, said he could reshape it into something worthwhile.
And Damien, the money man, said he’d fund the rest. Tobias just had to draw up the papers.
I put it off. The lodge had been my idea. My escape from responsibilities. A way to piss off my aunt while also giving me freedom. She’d seen it as an investment in my ability to one day take over for her. But I’d seen it as the wings I needed to be free.
When I notice I have signal again, I send Tobias a quick message.
ME:
are you still interested in buying the lodge?
I don’t expect him to respond, but a bubble pops up immediately.
TOBY:
are you serious?
It has the old, unused group chat exploding.
DAME:
wait, really? You want to sell it now? The fuck is going on?
CAL:
are you dying or something? It’s your baby.
AUGGIE:
absolutely, yes.
I chew my bottom lip, eyes darting between my closed office door, the stack of paperwork beside me, and the screen. It’s not hesitation I feel at all, but certainty.
ME:
what’re you offering?
In a matter of moments, they’re throwing new deals at me, deals that could set me up for years. Set us up for years. I don’t need to hold onto the lodge anymore, not with Lydia waiting out there for me.
And with the money this sale could bring me, I would be out from my aunt’s thumb. She’d have nothing to hold over me—or Lydia. No reason to use her, and no reason for me to get in close with her family anymore.
Tobias drops a link to a video call in the chat, one I click on immediately. Four separate screens appear in front of me, with my own down the bottom.
“So, what changed your mind?” August asks, sweat dripping down his brow as he leans against the wall in his home gym.
“I don’t need it anymore,” I reply honestly. “Things have changed.”
“Have you taken up your aunt’s offer about moving back to New York?” Tobias grins from his bed, one arm behind his head. “I knew the girl could get you moving. You get in with her dad yet? Time is ticking, and your aunt needs results.”
I stiffen, teeth gritted as I shake my head. “I’m not coming back,” I reply, voice low. “I’m going to give up my position in the company.”
The questions come through rapid fire, loud and full of surprise.
“What the hell is going on there?” Callahan grumbles from his desk.
“Have you finally lost your mind on that mountain?” Damien asks from his kitchen.
I scrub a hand down my face, leaning back in my chair. “Guys—”
My office door creaks, and when I look up, I find Lydia standing in the doorway with two new cups of coffee in hand, her wet hair pulled into a bun, still wearing my flannel.
But rather than the sweet smile she’s been sporting all morning, horror shines in her eyes. “What?”
“Lydia,” I murmur, shutting the laptop and standing. “I—”
“Why would you want to get in with my dad?” she asks, voice firm. “What does your aunt want from him?”
I shake my head and round the desk, heart pounding. Betrayal flashes in her grey eyes as she takes a step away from me. “I don’t know,” I reply honestly, holding my hands up defensively. “I never asked.”
“But you were going to use me to talk to him, weren’t you? For her?” Her eyes shine with unshod tears as she takes another step back. “That’s why you hired me. Because of him.”
“I didn’t hire you,” I remind her, meeting her next step back with one of my own. But she just releases a shaky breath and starts down the hall towards the kitchen. “Lydia.”
“Hold on,” she snaps, voice thick with emotion. I follow her into the kitchen as she sets the coffee cups down and braces her hands on the counter. “Did you really need me to be your assistant?” she asks quietly without looking back at me.
“I don’t know.” I swallow hard, frozen in place as I watch her lower her head. “Yes, probably. But you were able to offer them something else.”
Lydia scoffs and shakes her head, still not looking at me. “Them, you say, like you aren’t part of this.” Finally, she whirls around to face me, the colour completely drained from her face. “You were going to use me. For my family.”
“No.” I take a step towards her, desperate to pull her into my arms—to prove to her that this isn’t at all what it looks like—but she only holds up a hand, stopping me in my tracks.
“Cade, stop lying,” she whispers, tears forming in her eyes.
“I’m not,” I plead, voice breaking. “Really. I wasn’t…I never planned on going through with anything they wanted.”
“Then why not say something?” She throws her hands up in frustration before crossing her arms, leaning against the counter. “Why not mention it at all? Why hide it?”
I scrub a hand through my hair, pushing it away from my face. “I don’t have a good reason,” I tell her honestly, shaking my head. “Nothing that would make sense, anyway.” Lydia is closing in on herself—shutting me out. “But I never wanted to hurt you.”
She looks away from me, chewing her bottom lip as she stares out over the snow covered mountain, at the fresh snow falling gently beyond.
“I can’t tell if I’m hurt or just confused.
” She shakes her head again, something cracking in me at the sight of her.
“Was everything that happened between us…was it all a lie?”
“No,” I say firmly, taking a step towards her. This time, she doesn’t back away—doesn’t flinch or try to push me away. Those stormy eyes flicker back to mine, expression unreadable. “I don’t lie.”
“But you did, at some point. And before you say anything, omitting the truth is just as bad. You could have explained to me the moment I got here the real reason I was hired, but you didn’t.
You still went along with whatever they wanted.
You intended, maybe without realising, to use me.
” She pauses, her eyes widening. “Oh, God, is that why you were so pushy about me going home? Was that your way of trying to meet my dad?”
Lydia looks at me like I’ve betrayed her in the absolute worst way, and to her, I have.
I fucked up. She’s right; I could have just come out and said something to her, told her exactly what Tobias and my aunt wanted.
It would have probably been the perfect way to go back to the life I wanted… but then I would have lost her.
You’re losing her now, I remind myself, swallowing hard as she completely deflates. “I am so fucking naive,” she whispers, dropping her stare from my face. “Oh, God, I really believed it all.”
Bile rises in my throat as I take one last step towards her. “You are not naive,” I tell her, cupping her cheeks between my hands. “And you should believe everything I said, because I meant it all. I want a future with you, Lydia Sterling.”
Tears spill from the corner of her eyes as she looks at me. “But I’m not sure if I can believe you anymore,” she whispers, voice broken. Those words alone shatter something inside me.
I had no idea something so simple could ruin everything. Keeping one thing—as minuscule as I thought it was—from her had our entire future together flashing before my eyes, disappearing just as quickly as it appeared.
“Please don’t say that,” I murmur, dropping my forehead to hers. “God, please don’t say that.”
She trembles against me, her breaths shaky. “Why would your aunt want my dad?”
“I don’t know. Something about him being a landowner, but I never asked.
She tried getting a meeting with him, but he shut her down.
Tobias thought if I could develop a good working relationship with you, it would help her.
But I have no idea what for. And I didn’t care, because I wasn’t going to follow through with it anyway. ”
Lydia makes a sound in the back of her throat. “That doesn’t make any sense.”
“I know,” I whisper, squeezing my eyes shut. I breathe in her shampoo, the honey-lavender smell of her hair calming, strengthening even. “But I can ask her.”
Lydia stiffens, but she doesn’t pull away. “You would do that?”
“Of course I would,” I murmur, brushing my nose against hers, so tempted to kiss her—to remind her of this morning and last night, of the future we can have. “I can call her now, press her for answers. And I’ll tell her about giving up my position in the company.”
She makes another small sound in the back of her throat. “She’ll cut you off if you do that.”
“I stopped caring about her and her money years ago,” I reply, pulling back enough to meet her stare. “I have a plan, a way to make sure I can take care of you going forward…if you’ll still have me.”
Her eyes search mine for a moment, emotions still carefully shielded. I don’t see the betrayal shining in them anymore, her tears now dried up. But I can tell forgiveness still has to be earned. And I will do anything to get her back.
I’ll crawl on my knees for her.
Beg until my throat is raw.
Do anything to keep the woman I love.
I draw in a deep breath, the realisation hitting me hard. It shouldn’t come as a shock, but after years of isolation and even more shielding my heart from ever falling in love, it feels so easy to love her.
To love the way her eyes brighten whenever she challenges me.
Love how animated she gets when she starts talking about the things she’s passionate about.
Love how she looks when she’s asleep with only the fire to illuminate her soft features.
It’s easy to love this woman who makes me want to feel again.
Lydia sighs, the sound pulling me out of my thoughts. “I need to know. For them,” she states, biting her bottom lip. “But I also need to know that it’s not them you want.”
“Why the hell would I want your family when you’re everything I could possibly ever need?”
She blinks hard. “Because I’ve always been last,” she replies, more tears forming in her eyes. “I’ve never been chosen first. Everything in my life has revolved around my family. I love them so much, I do. But when I finally think I have something that’s just mine, you…”
I pull her against my chest, wrapping my arms tightly around her while she cries.
“I don’t care about them,” I whisper against her hair.
“I care only so much that they’re your family.
You love them, so I do, too. But you will always be my first choice, Lydia.
You are the only choice I can make that I know is right. Because I love you.”
That’s the only truth I can really offer her now, and I pray she’ll believe them. Because she’s the only thing I’ll ever need again.