Chapter 6 Sophia
SIX
SOPHIA
His kiss was like the lighting of a match. That first strike against the box and the moment it takes, fire licking at the stick and burning bright.
I have the chance to let it go, to drop it and wait for the explosion of heat I know is coming.
Or I could douse it so I don’t get burned.
I’m not sure of either option as I watch him make dinner from the hallway.
Our kiss still hangs heavy in the air between us, a kind of tension I’m not sure I can push through.
His words, the power they have over me, replay inside my head.
Over and over again, an echo of what I know I’ve dreamed could happen between us, and worry over the reality.
You have all the power, Sophia. You have all the control.
To think I have all the power…it’s hard to believe, especially when I’ve coasted by so easily for so long. I’ve never had the power in any relationship I’ve had. And to think, Noah believes I might have any sort of control…
It’s both laughable yet somehow empowering.
It also goes against everything I thought I knew. Everything I thought I could ever have or want is close enough that I can taste it.
I mean, I’ve had a crush on Noah Grey for years. I’ve known this man since before I even became a nurse, and he’s been friends with my brother for just as long.
So, why do I suddenly feel so worried about the kiss?
Noah presents two plates of amazing smelling pasta in red sauce with a genuine smile. Despite the dull ache in my face—a face he somehow isn’t repulsed by—I’m suddenly starving.
“How’re you feeling, after…?” he trails off as he sets the plates down on the table.
I take a step towards him, wrapping my arms around myself as I do. “Good,” I reply a little too hesitantly.
Noah’s eyes narrow as they shift to mine. “Sophia—”
“We kissed,” I state evenly. “And I’m just…dealing with the fact that it was a little unlike me, and not what I expected from you. I don’t know if I should apologise, or if I should just—”
Noah is in front of me in two strides, one arm going around my waist while the other cups my cheek. I suck in a breath, taking in the deep blues of his eyes that make them appear so grey. Up close, I notice the lines of age across his face, the eight years that separate us.
“You don’t ever have to apologise to me, Angel,” he murmurs, face inches from mine, breath a whisper against my lips. Our kiss flashes across my mind, the memory so new it’s ingrained in my memory. “And especially not for that.”
I swallow hard—or try to—because my mouth is suddenly dry. “I don’t know what I’m doing,” I admit quietly, heart racing, crashing almost painfully against my still sore chest.
Before he can utter a response to that, the lights flicker. It’s enough of a distraction for me to pull away and look around, but they don’t do any more than blink before settling.
“Your generator is good, right?” I ask, wrapping my arms around myself, unsure whether I should look at him or anywhere else.
God, I feel like such an idiot. And a wimp.
Noah clears his throat and runs a hand through his short, light brown hair. His gaze goes to the window behind me, so I follow his line of sight and take in the world beyond.
The sky is deep grey, darkened by clouds and night. Wind howls across the mountain, somehow harsher up here than in town, I imagine. The cabin is protected by the large, thick trees surrounding it, which also blocks some of the wind from doing any real damage to the structure.
And yet, knowing those things, a shiver rolls down my spine. Outside, the snow comes down faster, drawn out by the heavy winds and darkened skies. It’s probably only early evening, not even five, but it looks later than that because of the storm.
“It’s solid,” he says finally, looking back at me, the weight of his stare almost comforting. “It’s a little old, but this is no different to the storms we’ve had before, so it’ll hold.”
I release a shaky breath and finally meet his stare again. “I’m sorry,” I murmur, shaking my head. “I’m just being paranoid.”
It’s like my earlier hesitation has been wiped from his memory, because he comes to me with a gentleness that makes my heart ache. He wraps an arm around my shoulders, bringing me into his chest without a word, offering me a comfort I didn’t think I needed, but so badly crave.
Noah smells like the air before a storm, somehow. Like rain on the wind, mixed with something dark yet sinfully him. A temptation I am so terrified to give into.
“Nothing to be sorry about,” he reiterates, lips brushing my forehead. I want to lean into him, but something is holding me back. Fear, hesitation, something I can’t explain. An insecurity I don’t want to face.
“It’s not like you haven’t been surviving up here on your own,” I murmur, looking up at him.
Noah’s eyes are already on me, filled with an intensity that shakes me to the bones. He’s looking at me like he did only a few hours ago when I was on his lap and his hands were on my hips, and for a moment, we’d been one.
For a brief moment, I wonder what it might feel like to be his completely. Not just with a kiss that could mean anything, but to know for certain.
Noah said he brought me to his cabin for selfish reasons, which I find hard to believe.
This is the same man who threw himself into a burning room to save his friend, only to end up half dead himself.
This is the man who put everything on the line to be a hero.
Who suffered the consequences of those actions yet still survived.
What would it be like to know he’s mine?
Could someone like him ever be okay with someone like me?
“No,” he murmurs finally. “I’ve been surviving up here. Not really living.”
“Noah…”
He cuts me off with a gentle kiss to the top of my head. “Dinner’s getting cold,” he says. “Come on. If the lights flicker again, I’ll go out and check the generator to make you feel better.”
“You don’t need to do that,” I say as he guides me to the table.
“I know.” He helps me into my chair before taking the one across from me. It feels almost like a date, which is insane to think about. “But I want to. I want you to feel safe and secure here, Sophia.”
I do, I think, offering him a smile. With you, I do.
Sleep evades me. The wind keeps my eyes open with how loud it is. Like it’s calling for me, begging for me to make a choice.
Run and hide.
Fight or flee.
Stay and accept what my heart is telling me.
Or escape before I can get hurt.
Sleep is useless when the only thing I’ve ever actually fought for is lying in the next room.
Even if I don’t want to admit it to myself, I fought for his survival.
I made sure he lived long enough to see the burn unit.
I battled anyone who told me he wouldn’t wake up.
I cried myself to sleep so many nights because I knew I couldn’t let Noah go.
And not just because I’ve had a massive crush on him for years. Not just because he’s a hero to this town who needed us to fight for him.
I knew I had to because he would have done the same thing for me.
I don’t even know why I’m certain of that. Maybe it was his admission about bringing me here or the kiss, maybe it’s the way he’s been caring for me these last couple of days and making sure I’m safe. It could be any number of reasons or none of them at all.
If the roles were reversed, he would have been at my side. Would have fought for me. Would have made sure I made it through.
But am I scared of this because he knows what I did, and he feels some sort of debt is owed? Could that be the real reason why he saved me and is caring for me now? Because he thinks he owes me something and now it’s being repaid?
Even as the thought strikes me, hard like the wind howling beyond the window, I shake it away. That’s not like Noah at all.
At least, not the Noah I know.
The Noah I know wouldn’t be cruel enough to tease me like he did today only for it to be payment.
But I need to know.
Does he actually care about me? Or am I just another thing for him to save?